Players Only Love You When They're Playing
by crushed-lilyflower
Summary: Classic LJ. How did Lily eventually fall for James? As the War in the wizarding world approaches, is the war between Lily and James coming to an end? Marauders, romance, humour, angst, drama R
1. In the beginning

**A/N This is basically a typical LJ fic: plenty of marauders, quips and jokes, but there's war/angst and all that too. It's my first stab at a proper story so give it a read – you might like! And if you do read it pleaaase review because I love to get them!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognise. It's all J.K's.**

**--- **

"2 minutes to, James, you'd better board!" Mrs Potter chirped away, "Now mind you don't forget to write, dear, we want to hear everything!"

"Yes, Mum," James replied whilst dragging his trunk over to the Head's carriage, and hoisting it onto the luggage rack. He made his way back over to his Mother to say farewell. She looked him up and down, and proceeded to rake her hands through his jet black and forever-messy hair.

"Will it _ever _lie flat?" She asked exasperatedly.

"No, Mum. You know it won't," he responded dully.

"I know, I know, but you're Head Boy now! You ought to look smart!" She straightened the gleaming badge on his chest and beamed at him in pride.

"Your Dad and I are ever so proud of you, you know."

"I know, Mum."

Out of the corner of his eye, James noticed a certain redheaded beauty making her way over to the Head's carriage. Mrs Potter followed his gaze, and smiled at him knowingly.

"Bear in mind James we want to hear _everything," _she repeated, eyeing Lily as she came nearer. "She _is _as beautiful as you always said," And with that she kissed him on the cheek, winked, and disapparated with a _crack, _leaving James smiling to himself.

"Lily? Lily?" Mrs Evans called from somewhere down the platform.

"Coming, Mum!"

Lily walked straight past James, barely acknowledging his presence and lugged her trunk onto the train; with great difficulty. He moved in to help but she blocked his way, and with that she walked back over to say goodbye to her parents.

James sighed as he watched her retreating figure. Seeing her again had brought on the usual symptoms; heart palpitations, sweaty palms and he absolutely couldn't swallow. As he took a seat on the train, he contemplated in misery what it actually might take for her to spend any time getting to know him. She had always judged and ridiculed him, but what had he really ever done to deserve it? Okay, so there had been the occasional prank...the occasional display of his rather robust ego...but what were a few mistakes here and there? Just at that moment she herself waltzed into the carriage and parked herself by the window, barely batting an eyelid at the raven haired boy sitting before her.

"Hi Evans," James said.

"Potter," she greeted with a nod, looking over at last.

She then did a double-take.

"Potter, I know you're slightly mentally challenged but this is the _Head's _carriage. You Potter, should be at the back, with Black and Pettigrew. Where's Remus?" She craned her neck as if expecting for him to jump out from underneath the seats.

"Ah Evans, your charm never ceases to amaze," He replied lazily, "It seems as fateful cock up and dire chance would have it, I have in fact been made Head Boy,"

And he tapped his badge.

Lily sneered, "_You? _Potter…this is an authority figure; and you're the biggest trouble maker Hogwarts has ever seen." Yet there was his badge, clear as day.

James grinned, "Why thank you Evans, I do try."

Lily simply rolled her eyes and stared out of the window, thinking; _Brilliant. Me and Potter; for an entire journey. Just shoot me now…_She then saw her Mum and Dad waving goodbye. She waved back.

James noticed there was another girl standing by Mr and Mrs Evans. He knew Lily had a sister, but if he'd had to choose this girl out of a crowd he would never have known they were related. Where Lily's face was kind, soft and gentle, her sister's was taut, defined and, well, _snobby. _He saw Lily smile and wave, and in return her sister rolled her eyes, laughing bitterly and stalked off. He saw Lily's face tighten...he saw her hurt expression.

"Is that your sister?" he ventured.

Lily seemed surprised he had been watching her, and turned to him with teary eyes, which she hastened to wipe dry.

"Yes," she said shortly.

"Why did she…" he asked pathetically.

But Lily knew what he meant. She considered him for a moment, and then said.

"She doesn't like the…the magic. She thinks it's unnatural…she thinks I'm a…a freak," she managed.

James was a little shocked. He had never imagined what it must be like not to live with Wizards._ It must be as though your life is divided into two, _he thought to himself.

"What about your Mum and Dad?" he asked; hardly believing his own daring.

"What about them?"

"What do they think of magic and Hogwarts and everything?"

For a second, he thought she was going to answer him, but then;

"Potter why are we suddenly to interested in my life? Did I say I wanted to share it all with you? Why is it any of your business?" she snapped.

James was stung, and Lily didn't even care. _Why is he acting as though we're friends? Arrogant arsehole._

"…sorry…" he mumbled.

Lily didn't answer, but continued to look outside as the train moved out of the station and the countryside began to take its place; houses rolling into hills.

James cursed himself. _You pushed it too far, Prongs. Stupid...stupid arse. _He never knew how to deal with Lily Evans. Sometimes she was friendly, sometimes she was tolerant, and sometimes she was rude, bossy and hostile. But what he did know was that this year he would finally win her over, simply because he had to. Remus, Sirius and Peter all believed it to be a…_obsession_. They thought it was infatuation, but James believed truly in his heart of hearts that they were meant for each other. She was the single most important thing in his life, and had been ever since they first met. _Well, that and Quidditch _he added as an afterthought, giving a soft chuckle. They sat in silence, for what felt like an eternity. James fought with himself not to look at her for the next hour or so, but every now and then he stole a glance. He loved her hair…he watched the light from outside dance over the surface of it. Sometimes she turned to him if she caught him looking, and he stared into her beautiful emerald eyes, before shaking himself and turning away.

Lily found this increasingly irritating, and after she'd bought a substantial amount of sweets from the trolley, she stood up, telling James she was going to see her friends further down the train. He managed a grunt in reply, and after she had left, let out a sigh of relief. _Blimey that was intense…two hours of total silence…why does she never want to talk to me?_

A handsome boy with shaggy dark hair and a malicious grin looked up from his game of exploding snap to see his best friend collapse beside him, his face crumpled.

"Prongs! Had enough of Miss Lily have we? Did you get anywhere, mate?"

James shook his head. A frown seemed now permanently etched into his features.

"James you can't expect miracles to happen! You've got to give it time," Remus consoled. Lupin was a fair haired boy, with a cheeky smile but a kind countenance.

"But she won't even give me a chance Moony. I don't know what to do," James admitted.

"You mean the famous Potter charm has failed?" Sirius mocked.

"Shut up Padfoot. If I wanted my parade rained on I would just step outside," he countered, indicating to the window where the rain was now coming thick and fast.

"Touchy! Looks as though someone's parade was rained on long ago." But seeing the hurt and frustration in James' face, he added "Look Prongs, we all think Lily likes you. She'll never admit it, and she may not even realise it, but think; why would she make such an effort to be...well…nasty? If you don't care about someone, you just blank them. That's what I do when a girl gets to clingy, see? Gets the message across!"

Peter and Remus sighed exasperatedly.

"What?" Sirius asked innocently through a mouthful of chocolate frog.

"You know, Sirius may not have a way with words, but there is an element of truth in what he's saying," Remus said, "She has always made an extra effort to be awful to you, James."

"Wow, I'm so glad I have been singled out. What on honour," he replied sardonically.

Lupin continued, ignoring the interruption. "I mean, anything she ever uses against you; for example arrogance, false charm, all the women…well, on that front Sirius is exactly the same, but she never talks to him like that!"

"Moony what do you mean _all _the women? There's one woman. Her name is Evans…she is _the _woman."

"And think, there are times when she can be...civil, to you. It's as if she sometimes lets her guard down, and then reminds herself she _has _to hate you," Remus continued.

"So what you're really saying is she's a stubborn wench? Also, I must add, you're comparing Sirius to me? Please, Moony! I suppose he's sexier in an _obvious _way…still I think I'm the most desirable of us all," James declared.

"Prongs, that is exactly why Evans has a problem with you. You can't keep talking that way if you want her to see you as you really are," Sirius told him.

"Agreed," Peter added. "To be frank, you're not God's gift to women James, and if you want Lily to see that she's the one that matters to you you should stop putting yourself in the centre of attention whenever any female is present! You need her to see that you think she's special."

"Well this lecture is all very enlightening, thanks guys. But here's the thing: YOU'VE TOLD ME THIS TWENTY TIMES BEFORE!" he roared.

"And yet you still haven't changed, Prongs," Sirius said softly.

James considered this. _He's right…I hate when he's right._

"Well, why should I change for a girl? This is how I am!"

"No, it isn't. Its only one part of you and it's not how you really are. I've seen the best and the worst of you and I know that you're a good person through and through."

"Wow Padfoot I didn't realise you had the mental capacity for thoughts like that." Sirius grinned sheepishly, and a hint of colour flushed his cheeks. "But listen, what's a bit of harmless flirting here and there? It doesn't make me a bad person!"

"Well Prongsie, the female mind works in mysterious ways," Sirius replied. "To Evans apparently it does."

"Look, James. Do you love Lily?" Lupin asked.

"I…" All eyes were on him. "I…I don't know. It's not an infatuation or an obsession like you all think."

"That's not what I asked," Remus pushed.

James turned his mind back to when he first saw her. She was trudging along platform 9 and 3/4s, trunks, owl and family bringing up the rear. He remembered how her hair was swishing behind her, how her eyes were ablaze with the excitement and determination at the prospect of what lay ahead. He remembered when he first spoke to her, when he had first seen her smile, when he first heard her laugh, when she had been sorted into Gryffindor, when she had been the first to levitate her feather in charms, when he had first watched her eat (she could eat for England) when he watched her cheer him on when he played Quidditch (well, it was the whole team but he liked to kid himself), and when she had first turned him down…

He snapped back to reality, and answered with an immediate;

"Yes. Always have…always will."

"Well then, we need to figure this out right now," Lupin replied determinedly. Sirius and Peter nodded in agreement.

"Right, what's the plan?"

"I think we need to begin with the basics. We need to attempt to understand…" Lupin shuddered, "We need to understand…_girls."_

"Excuse me, _we_? Since when did _I _need help with my women?" Sirius demanded.

"Sirius have you ever had a girl for longer than a week?"

"Did I say I wanted to? Variety is the spice of life, my friend."

Lupin rolled his eyes, and said to the group, "Okay; here's phase one of the plan..."

---

A few carriages down, two girls were listening wide eyed to Lily's news.

"Potter?" Lizzy asked blankly, "Potter's Head Boy?"

"Yep," Lily replied.

"How? I mean…how?" Emma asked, bewildered.

"No idea. But I mean I've always had faith in Dumbledore, I assume he had his reasons?" Lily answered questioningly.

"Maybe…" Emma ventured, "Maybe he thinks James has changed…"

Lily snapped her head up at the use of Potter's first name, and the change in her friend's tone.

"I hope you don't mean he's improving?" she demanded.

"Well…" Emma began, but Lizzy interrupted;

"Lils he spoke to us at the end of last year. I think he might really like you…maybe you should… give him a chance?"

"Yes I've heard this all before. Potter likes me, bla bla bla…what makes you think he's changed? What makes you so sure he's any better than he always was? I'm sure it's all just a trick, and I am not going to fall for it. Potter's not capable of deep feelings," Lily brutally replied.

"Don't you think you're being a little unfair, Lils?" Emma replied hesitantly, "What would make you think he doesn't like you? He's chased you since first year, and has never quit even though you've been…less than _pleased_ by his attentions! He's never been out with other girls; he's never stopped liking you, Lily. Yes, he flirts and yes he enjoys being at the centre of things. But that's how he is, and you must know it's only an act. I think he's really quite charming...and even caring."

"Lily I even think he might…well, _love _you," Lizzy put in.

This caught Lily's attention, and her eyes widened by a fraction. But she quickly caught herself.

"Don't be ridiculous," She scoffed, "Players only love you when they're playing."

"Would you just give him a chance already?" Emma pleaded.

"Woah, woah, woah! Is this an intervention or something? I hate to disappoint the Potter fan club but there is no way on this earth that I will _ever _give in to him! It sounds to me like you want to be Mrs James Potter, Em!"

"No way!" argued Emma, affronted. "He's no Prince Lil's we know that. I'm just saying you like him and you refuse to admit it! You can be so stubborn somtimes!" But through her frustration there was a twinkle of admiration and fondness in Emma's eyes; and Lily noticed it, and softened.

"Em, it's not about my pride. I just don't like Potter, and never will. I don't see the appeal and I'm not about to be another one on his list. He may have won you guys over, but he'll never win me," she said resolutely.

Emma turned to Lizzy and shook her head. They both sighed and lay back; admitting defeat. For now. Though Emma couldn't resist adding;

"Well; you two are heads together now! That means close quarters _all _year...who knows what could happen?" she grinned as she stared out of the window, determinedly avoiding her friend's icy glare.

**A/N Thanks for reading! Please review :)**


	2. Let Your Education Begin

**A/N So, here is Remus' brilliant "phase one". Read and review; I appreciate it soo much. So humour me pleeeeaaasse. S'il vous plait! Por favor...with a cherry on top.**

**Right, on with the story? xAx**

* * *

**_A GIRL STUDY_**

**_By James Potter_**

---

"Okay Prongs, here's your book, see what you can find out today."

"Okay," he replied determinedly.

"But remember, be _subtle." _

"Moony, subtle is my middle name!"

Remus just looked at him, before saying,

"And DO NOT involve Lily in this. At all. Understand?"

"What? What if I were to watch her subtly? She wouldn't notice…" James protested.

"No! We're aiming for a greater understanding of the female mind. We can move on to Lily later. When you're ready."

"Remus, are you sure we're not taking this a bit too far? Maybe if I just leapt on her…pinned her down…she can't refuse me, I mean come on!"

All three of his friends fixed him with a stern glare.

"Too pricky?"

They nodded in reply before Sirius said;

"James we know you're just kidding--"

"Who said I was kidding? I am in fact devastatingly handsome."

"--but Evans doesn't. So you're going to show her you're capable of being the sensitive, kind, much less pricky version of you! Okay mate?"

"But surely if I just aim to understand _her _mind, why do I need to get the rest of them?"

"Because, they're all the bloody same," Sirius replied.

James nodded glumly. _All this for a girl…it had better work._

_---_

Later on James was sitting at the lunch table in the great hall, casually listening in on the conversation of a group of Ravenclaws behind him. With a grin and a slight roll of the eyes, he began to take notes.

**September 4th**

_**Observation on lifestyle**_

_Subjects prefer to travel in packs. Solidarity and independence will not be tolerated. Must even accompany one another to the loo._

_Discussion topics include; make up, clothes, boys, homework, and exams_

_Surprising discovery: girls can be as immature as boys_

"That's it?" Remus asked James in exasperation back in the common room.

"Yes. I Thought it was quite good work!" James replied defensively.

"Prongs, this much we know," Remus said, pointing a finger to James' messy scrawls. "We're trying to find out what lies beneath! What pushes their buttons, what women want!"

"Well I never knew girls could be immature. I was very startled that they actually have a sense of fun. I suppose this exempts Evans though, she doesn't understand how to have a good time." He turned to glanced in amusement at Sirius and caught him with a slightly confused expression. James knew exactly what he was thinking; _So why do you like her so much?_

"So…?" Sirius questioned, not finishing his sentence for fear of offending James.

"So what?" James asked, feigning ignorance.

"So, what were they saying that was so immature?" Peter asked him, oblivious to what Sirius had really meant.

"Well…they made jokes about certain teachers, and er…some guys in our year," James turned to him, glad for the change of subject.

Remus chucked him the book, which James caught with his incredibly fast Quidditch reflexes.

"Well, write it in then."

James shrugged, dug out a quill from his bag and added something simply to keep his friend happy.

_Ravenclaw girls joke about Hutchinson resembling Mr Potato Head._

_McGonagall apparently acts as though she has a giant gherkin thrust up her backside. They've taught me a lot today. _

_Subjects seem to resemble wild animals, in that the competition for food, space and a mate is tough. Noted bitchiness between friends on the subject of Will Pritchard. Apparent competition; Pritchard has been two timing and now the cat fight ensues. _

_Space can be a toughie, especially when fighting for a spot in front of the mirror. Light too, if it's not in the right position for them to apply their make up they can get incredibly testy. _

_Appears to be a widespread joke about Frank Longbottom; will not bore with the nasty details. Conclusion: girls are mean._

"No, James that's the wrong conclusion," Lupin said reading it over his shoulder, with a grin on his face. "You should've heard them, seriously Moony, they were downright nasty. See I may be a bit full of myself but I would never stoop that low--"

"Prongs, shut up. Think about _why _they would want to offend someone else. Why would they laugh at other people's expense?" Sirius asked.

"Like I said, because they're miserable wenches with absolutely no lives!"

Sirius and Remus sighed.

"Prongs, let your education begin."

****

**_---_**

**_Conclusions for September 4__th_**

_Reasons for bitching very different from my first conclusion. It turns out girls are in fact very insecure, and in offending others they feel better about themselves. _

_Basically they are all a bit loony._

_**Mr Moony suggests investigating how we could exploit on said weakness.**_

_Mr Prongs does not understand._

**Mr Padfoot is less than surprised. **

**We need to find out what it is they're all insecure about…and why. **

**Tasks for 5****th**** September:**

_Hold a Gryffindor girl hostage, and force her to explain why girls are so insecure, and what it is they're really looking for. _

_**Or perhaps: Make polite conversation with one of Lily Evans' friends.**_

**_---_**

"How will that help us?" James asked in confusion.

"We need to find out more about Lily."

"I thought you said to leave her out of this! I thought you said we were finding out about _all _girls."

"I never said we weren't going to involve Lily indirectly," Remus corrected lightly, "we need to find out if she's the same as the rest of them; whether or not she pretends not to be."

"Okay, I'll just nod along. This all seems like a wasted effort to me, surely if I just start complimenting her or bringing her flowers or something she'll crack."

Remus smiled, "That my friend, is what we are going to find out!"

Just at that moment, Lily walked into the common room, surrounded by a group of giggling girls.

"See," James observed from his chair by the fire, "packs."

Remus rolled his eyes while Sirius gave an appreciative smirk.

"-seriously, not once all day," Lily was saying.

"What's going on?" Julia asked.

"Lily's just telling me Potter hasn't asked her--"

"Shhh!" Lily hushed, waving her arms frantically, when she saw the marauders sitting by the fire.

Too late, though, the comment had not gone unheard by James. His eyes quite literally shone with delight, and his mouth twisted into that cocky, lopsided grin that Lily hated so much. She tried to walk past, heading for the dormitories, but:

"Hey, Evans! Don't they you're getting away that quickly," James called to her, ignoring Sirius, Remus and Peter's desperate wining in his ear.

Lily turned, and James noticed she looked rather flushed. This observation only increased his confidence.

"Little sad about that are we? Miss me?" He cooed. "I missed you too, darling."

James could actually see the anger mounting up. Her cheeks filled with colour, her eyes bulged as if ready to pop out of their sockets, and she looked as if she were having very great difficulty in not lashing out at him. _Oops..._he thought.

"POTTER! You-make-me-sick!" she shouted, through clenched teeth. "How dare you patronize me and insult my intelligence like that? Do you know anything about girls?" And with that she stomped up the stairs, pack of girls hot on her heels.

James sat back down, ignorant to the staring and sniggering surrounding him. As he collapsed on his chair he received a painful slap on the head from Remus.

"What did we tell you? NO arrogance! NO flirting! And what do you go and do?"

"She asked for it!" James smirked.

"Prongs we are trying to make you boyfriend material. For the next few days we're going cold turkey on your arse. No speaking to Evans. No communication; unless we allow it," Sirius told him.

"Right," Remus agreed.

James turned to Peter. "Wormtail, aren't you going to defend me here? They're obviously being over the top right?"

Peter blushed and began muttering incoherently, "well…suppose could work, but I don't know if you…maybe, but then…"

"Oh forget it," James snapped.

"Tomorrow we'll tackle Lily's friend. Which d'you think Emma or Lizzy?"

"Does it matter?" James asked.

"Well, one of them could be closer to her…" Remus considered.

"I vote Emma," Sirius interjected.

"Why?" Lupin asked curiously.

"She's hotter," Sirius answered simply.

"Now he," Remus said, turning to James, and jerking a thumb in Sirius' direction, "is a lost cause,"

---

The next day dawned crisp and colourful; where the mist hung low over the grounds and morning dew dampened their toes. The fallen autumn leaves of the forbidden forest lay scattered across the lawns, as the sun blinked through the white skies, down through the enchanted ceiling and into the great hall.

Lily was gazing absent-mindedly out of the window, barely a part of the conversation surrounding her. Her friends were all comparing their timetables for NEWT year, and discussing over breakfast the dread that was life after Hogwarts.

"Lils, what are you doing again?" Julia asked her.

"Herbology, Charms, Potions and Defence against the Dark Arts, and Transfiguration" she answered, stirring from her daydream.

Julia pulled a face, "that's a tough timetable!"

Lily shrugged, "I haven't decided between being a healer or an auror…so I thought I needed to keep my options open."

Emma paled considerably, wearing a worried expression.

"What's up Em?" Lizzy asked her.

"Lily knows what she wants to do already! I have no idea...I just chose my favourite subjects!" she whined.

"Actually I haven't decided what I want to do," Lily said pointedly, in an attempt to console her friend.

"Yeah, but you have ambition! And a vague idea…"

"Ah, come on girls lets not worry about this now, it's the beginning of the year. There'll be lots of time to think on it," Jo said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Plus Em, you took good subjects; you can do whatever you want with them," Lily put in.

She seemed to loosen up slightly at that reassurance, but still there was an air of unease as each girl contemplated their future.

James was sitting nearby, casually listening in on their conversation. Strictly speaking he wasn't allowed to take notes on Lily. But the way he saw it, she was with a bunch of other girls; and he was perfectly entitled to listen to them. Also this "cold turkey" approach as Sirius called it, was really getting to him. He was beginning to wonder if he had Evans withdrawal symptoms. _I am so pathetic…_he said inwardly to himself, _I miss a girl who hates me, and spends her life turning me down, insulting me and taking the piss out of me. Great. _But he had heard some interesting things, so he took out his book and began to write;

_Subjects are very ambitious. They appear to be worried about the future…_

_Beginning to suspect being a girl is incredibly difficult. Boys are much more carefree. Where did girls get their consciences from? _

"That is one of life's great unanswerable questions, Prongs," Sirius said as he sat down beside him, clapping him on the back.

"Stop reading over my shoulder," James replied shortly.

"Testy! I was only thinking about the difference between men and women, mate. I mean, I have four girlfriends currently, and it has no effect on me whatsoever. But girls! They're so uptight, they feel…_guilty, _for even flirting with two guys. It's not right, they shouldn't deny their natural lusty wrong feelings. I mean, thinking back to the primitive..."

James let this rant wash over his head, as he stared at Lily. _She wanted to be a healer, or an auror…wow…_James couldn't help but admire her for her passion and determination. She threw herself into whatever she was doing, and would never let anyone stand in her way.

"James you're staring," Remus pointed out, as he took his seat across from him.

James shook himself, "right," he responded thickly.

"Is it the cold turkey? We knew it would be difficult," Peter said understandingly.

"No…well yeah," James replied, "I was just thinking how amazing she is, always so determined and passionate."

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances.

"Well, Prongs, is it me or are you the same? When have you ever given up your determination for Lily? And you are most indefinitely passionate about her, to say the least,"

James felt heat rising in his cheeks. _Passionate…that sounded far too girly! Quick, need a joke…_

"Passionate?" he snorted, "passionate for her very…sexy…arse..."

_Good one James._

Sirius just smiled, and said "I know that denial is a powerful coping mechanism, but when you come out with pathetic lines like that we know something's wrong, mate,"

James grinned, and they all started laughing.

"No, no but seriously, d'you think that counts as something me and Evans have in common then?" James asked excitedly.

"…I suppose so," Remus allowed.

James beamed.

Further down the table, Lily Evans had appreciated for the first time that James Potter did look rather handsome when he smiled.

**A/N You know what I'm going to say, but just in case you've forgotten - REVIEW!**


	3. Raindrops

**a/n And on with chapter three! This is just Lily's thoughts about Snape/James. Just a chapter that had to be in here. R&R

* * *

**

Some weeks later, Lily was sitting by the windows in the common room, watching rain bouncing off the window pane. It reminded her of something…she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Maybe something from when she was little…perhaps something to do with Petunia?

Just then Emma came and sat opposite her, beaming.

"Hey!" She greeted.

"Hi," Lily answered, though she didn't shift her gaze from the window pane.

"What's up, Lils?"

Lily finally looked up, smiling. "Nothing, nothing," she replied, shaking her head. "So how was Muggle Studies?"

"Fascinating! It amazes me the things these people come up with to work around not having magic."

"Em, as I've repeatedly tried to explain, they don't see that they have anything to get round as they don't know magic exists."

"Yes, I know, I know. But we were learning some of their…"scientific theories", to explain pieces of magic they've seen. It's all wildly complicated, and so well thought out! Of course, its all complete rubbish, but still…"

"Em, some of what they say is true," Lily insisted.

"Like what?" she replied sceptically.

"Well, the big bang theory for example," Lily waved a hand airily.

"What? That theory that some "dark matter" in the universe suddenly exploded for no reason and out came the solar system?"

"Yes! It _is_ true. They don't know that _magic _was the cause of it, or that it still exists now…but so far as they can explain without knowing about us, the theory is correct."

"But it isn't plausible, they can't explain it--" Emma leaned forward in her chair, only to be cut across by a certain sardonic voice.

"Well, interesting as this chat sounds I think I'll have to interrupt you," he drawled.

Lily's immediate thought was _Oh no…not Potter…_

But it was not James. It was Sirius Black. Lily could not explain why but she could have sworn she felt a bought of disappointment settle in the pit of her stomach. She immediately shrugged the feeling off, but it got her thinking; _where is Potter? Why hasn't he spoken to me recently?_ Her thoughts were interrupted--

"Thinking of dear James are we, Evans?" Sirius asked teasingly.

"Oh, please!" she scoffed, "Why would I give any thought to that arrogant toerag?"

But Sirius noticed her blush. So did James, who was sitting under his invisibility cloak nearby. He only hoped no one tried to come and sit in his seat.

_**October 6th**_

_Conversation on Muggle Science interrupted by Padfoot. Girls can also have deep conversations as well as immature ones. _

_Maybe there are more to them than just make-up and hair._

_Beginning to understand why Evans did not take an immediate interest in me._

_Success of the day: Main Subject blushed when Mr Padfoot asked if she was thinking about me. (Of course followed by an insulting retaliation.)_

"Well, because you like him and are too stubborn to admit defeat," Sirius answered.

Emma tried to conceal a grin very unsuccessfully. Seeing this, Lily rounded on her;

"You think I _like_ him? Are you MAD? If I haven't made it clear enough to his face then I'll do it behind his back! I hate him! Always have, always will. I think he's an arrogant, cocky, pricky, stupid, womanising arsehole who deserves to be--"

"Woah, Evans, slow down there! I didn't mean to bring on the rant, I was only teasing," Sirius said, hands raised. "But obviously you're not giving it a lot of thought…" he added sarcastically, eyebrows raised.

_Tactic worked. Main Subject is at a loss for what to say. Padfoot may be right that she has been thinking about me a lot._

James felt his stomach flip over several times. Though he had felt hurt by what she had said, he hoped (and secretly believed) it was all an act. And of course he was quite right. It was unlucky for Lily that she was not an excellent liar; because she had indeed been thinking about the rather disturbing absence of James on replay for the last month.

She finally found her voice.

"I'm not thinking about him! Don't be ridiculous! Just because Potter hasn't talked to me for the last few weeks as much as he usually does, it doesn't mean I care! It's…great! Surprising as it may sound I can live without being harassed. I'm glad he's finally figured out he has no chance," she said, and then stared out of the window for fear Sirius or Emma might spot her flushed cheeks.

Her words were met with silence, so eventually she turned around, wondering why she had not elicited a response, to see Emma and Sirius exchanging meaningful glances.

"Defensiveness is always a sign you like someone," Emma said at last.

And with that, giving her friend a spiteful glare, Lily grabbed her books and marched up the staircase to her room.

James waited for the sound of her bedroom door slamming before whipping off the cloak, beaming at Emma and Sirius.

"Congratulations, mate! The plan may be working!" Sirius said.

"D'you think?" James asked enthusiastically.

"Definitely," Emma said, with a wink. "Though mind, don't include me again, I expect Lils won't talk to me for a month…" she added with a small chuckle.

James felt so elated he practically skipped off to his 6 o' clock detention with McGonagall.

Sirius and Emma were left alone.

"So…" he said, wondering where on earth his brain had wandered off to. It was not in his nature to be lost for words.

"Yeah…" she replied lamely, thinking along the same lines as him.

A few more awkward moments passed before they each made excuses to be elsewhere. Emma paused on her way out of the portrait hole, questioning herself on why it was she always felt so hot and uncomfortable all of a sudden when she and Sirius were alone together.

---

Lily paced up and down in front of her bed, fuming. How dare they? How dare they tell her she…_liked _James Potter? She shuddered at the thought. Eventually after she tired of her pacing, she collapsed onto her bed with a soft thud; allowing thoughts to enter her brain from all directions. Different scenes with Potter crossed her mind, causing an angry vein to throb in her temple. Then, eventually she thought back to that day by the lake in Fifth year…

She watched in her mind as Severus was hung upside down…humiliated...she recounted James' words;

"…I will if you go out with me? Go on, go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again..."

She suddenly felt hot anger flood through her body. How dare he use her friend as blackmail to get him to go out with her?

Then she heard her own voice…her bitter, hateful tone...

"I wouldn't go out with you, if it was a choice between you and the Giant Squid!" she had screeched.

She rose to her feet and walked over to the window; looking down onto the scene of the crime. She saw the beech tree swaying in the wind, saw the lake rippled with water droplets.

Then she remembered what the rain drops in the common room had reminded her of…when she was just nine, her and Severus had sat in a forest, under the leaves…

**---**

**Flashback, Lily's POV**

**_Lily is 9 years old._**

**I sat on the luscious green grassy floor, cross legged. All around me were huge, beautiful, green trees! Their leaves were covered in water droplets; but the rain did not reach us. I was trying my hardest to stop them and so far it was working! Severus was watching me, his mouth slightly open. I wondered why he always stared at me…**

"**That's it, Lily," He urged. "Keep concentrating; just remember you need to keep us dry from the rain." **

"**I am, Severus!"**

**I saw his expression change…I wondered why he always liked it when I used his name. After all, it would not be a very nice thing if I didn't call him his name, would it? As I let my thoughts stray a raindrop landed on my head. I got angry…how had I let it come through?**

"**Don't worry, Lily. You held it for almost four minutes this time! I've never met someone so powerful before Hogwarts…"**

**And now we were soaked, the rain was coming thick and fast. I watched it bounce off Severus' nose, and giggled. He giggled too. **

---

The happiness and love she had felt thinking back on that moment quickly changed to pure hatred. Hatred for James Potter. It was that day by the lake, when he had tortured her best friend…until Severus had called her a…a…

James Potter had taken away her best friend! He had taken away someone she loved…Severus had become cruel and sad because of his jealousy of Potter. And Potter humiliated him into calling her a…_mudblood. _He had forced Snape to lash out at her! How _dare _he? How could her friends ever think she liked him? How could anyone like him? He was a heartless, vile and arrogant person…she hated him. Always had…always _would. _And the last thing she thought about before she fell into a very uneasy sleep, was James bloody Potter.

**A/N review review review **


	4. Hidden Agenda

**A/N Bit of premonitious dreaminess here...hope you like! Sorry in advance because you will start to despise Lily right about now...

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"Lilieeee? Lilyflower? Come on now, love, up you get!"

Lily muttered in her sleep, and made a random swipe at the air; in the direction of that irritating voice.

"Even vicious when she's sleeping," James said to himself, smiling down at her.

He pulled back her covers, and poked her hard in the kidneys. She jerked awake and shouted;

"POTTER! What the hell are you playing at?"

"Nothing, flower. It's just that if you don't get up now she'll never understand," James' tone turned serious. "It's time to go, Evans."

"I thought you were calling me Lily now…" she said, hurt.

"Evans we're not friends…we'll never be friends. Now, get up! If you wait any longer the moon will be up."

"What do you mean…it's morning! And who won't understand?"

"Petunia, love. She'll never understand. She'll never understand magic, or any magic people. And as for, _Snivellus. _Well, he could never contemplate you with another guy anyway," James' old smirk came back to haunt her again.

"Me with another guy…what other guy?" she asked, confused.

"Who d'you think, Evans?"

He leaned in closer, and cupping her face, gently touched his lips to hers. Lily suddenly felt as though her stomach had dropped out and her head was lighter than air. She let the kiss go on far too long before she came to her senses;

"NO, POTTER! What are you doing? Get away from me! I don't fall for people! I don't love, no one can love me! It only gets you hurt! Now go and find Remus before the sun goes down."

"But, Evans, if you don't get to charms you'll fail. McGonagall wanted me to tell you that if you are four seconds late you can't take your NEWTs," James warned, his eyes suddenly black.

_Where are those hazel eyes that I love? _

"I can't be late! I'm head girl! I need to get my NEWTs! I need to become an auror…or a healer…" she muttered, panicking.

"Better get going then!" James chirped, before he vanished into thin air.

_I didn't know he could apparate…_

Suddenly Lily found herself pelting full speed down the charms corridor. The difficulty was that whenever she was within a metre of the door, she suddenly arrived back at the end of the corridor. How could she get to charms? She couldn't fail, her whole life depended on getting down this corridor...

"How do I get there?!" she voiced out loud in distress.

"_**You need to accept it. You can never get there…not without finding out the truth" **_Came an echoing, eerie voice which seemed to come from everywhere and yet nowhere.

Lily jumped in fright, looking in all directions for the owner of the voice. Then, she was being pulled backwards by some great unknowable force.

_Where is it taking me?_

She landed with a thud, and looked around. It was cold. She suddenly saw a great stag. The stag walked over to her, and she made to pat its head…it seemed friendly. But instead it walked past her and further down the flower garden. All around her were huge lilies; of every colour and variety. Suddenly the lilies started to grow uncontrollably…they grew spikes, and thistles…they twisted and turned and knotted. Suddenly she was standing at the foot of the whomping willow. She stood in terror, any minute now and it would lash out at her…any minute now…

But it didn't…it remained immobile. Looking further, Lily saw the unmistakable sign of a small tail, disappearing into its depths; the stag! _Where is it going…? s_he wondered. She was suddenly possessed with a desperate desire to know.

But all of a sudden, masked figures in cloaks were surrounding her from every direction. They chanted words in some language Lily had never come across. Then one nearest to her spoke directly;

"You are the race we work to exterminate. You are dirty…filthy…we serve the Dark Lord."

Lily Evans gasped, and sat bolt upright, thankful to find herself in her cosy four poster bed.

"Lily? Lily, are you okay?" Emma was asking. Lily noticed she was sitting on the end of her bed, holding a wet flannel loosely in her hand.

Lily swallowed, "yeah…yeah," she managed. "Er, what's…what's going on?" she asked uncertainly, noticing all her roommates were out of bed.

"You've been kind of ill, Lils," Lizzy explained carefully.

"Wh-what d'you mean? It was only a dream!"

"You've been tossing and turning, with a fever. And…and you were screaming."

Lily froze.

"What did I say?" she asked sharply.

"You…you wanted to know what the truth was…or something."

Lily sighed in relief. She hadn't mentioned _his _name.

"And…and you shouted out Potters' name…a few times," Liz added hesitantly.

"No I didn't!" Lily scoffed immediately, "how ridiculous! Look I appreciate you all looking after me but I'm fine. I think I should go downstairs though, I'm not tired anymore…"

And with that she walked out of the dormitory, and went down the staircase to the common room. It was a beautiful winter morning; Lily saw it had snowed overnight. She grabbed a blanket from the back off a couch and cuddled up in her favourite chair by the fire. _How on earth had I dreamt that about Potter? And what did the rest of it mean…? _She hoped very much that the part to do with NEWTs had not been some awful premonition. Failing exams were Lily's boggart. She wondered what James' boggart might be. Then she wondered why on earth she should care about that.

She shuddered as she remembered those cloaked figures. …Had they been death eaters?

Her thoughts were suddenly disturbed by a nervous cough from the boys' staircase. She turned to look into James' eyes; which thankfully, were nicely hazel again.

"Hi, Lily," he said.

"Potter," she said in greeting.

She turned back to the fire…she could not bring herself to look at him.

"Are you alright? I heard you've had a…bad dream?"

"Something like that," she said coolly. She was internally praying that her friends had not told him the part about the shouting of his name, but felt rather pleased with herself for sounding so glacial.

She still refused to look at him, but she sensed more than anything that he had come to take a seat nearby her. Far away enough so as to be out of hexing range, but near enough to talk, she assumed.

"Lily, recently I've, er…been trying to-" James' began in vain.

"What? Change?" Lily scoffed. "Potter, you'll never change. You can't change, you'll always be the same-"

"-arrogant, conceited toerag? No offence Lily but its getting kind of old," he interrupted. She was silenced.

"I just wanted to say that if you need to talk…or something, I'm here," he told her. She just kept on looking into the fire; did James Potter just tell her he was there for her? _Why is he being like this? _

When his proclamation was merely met with stunned silence, James retreated to the boys' staircase. He trudged up to his dormitory, and collapsed onto his bed. He knew that any minute now the other three boys would dramatically "jerk awake"; and begin asking questions.

_5…4…3…2…1 _James counted down to himself.

"Prongs?" Sirius asked in fake tiredness.

"Yes, Sirius?" James asked, deadpan.

"Did you talk to Evans? What'd sh'say?" he asked groggily.

"Nothing," James answered shortly.

"Nothing?" Remus chimed in. "You told her you were there for her, and nothing?"

"That's right."

"She is very complex," Remus allowed.

"Fantastically so. I love it," James grinned in spite of himself.

"Maybe it's because she likes him and is trying to cover it up?" Peter wondered aloud.

"I like that notion, who seconds that?" James asked, brightening up.

"I agree that the cold turkey effect was definitely successful," Sirius put in. "Perhaps if we continue it, for a little longer?"

"No," Remus disagreed, "it's been long enough. I'm sure Lily gets the message."

"What, that we're playing stupid mind games on her to get her to fall for me?" James asked grudgingly.

"No. We are trying to get her to realise she already _has _fallen for you, through stupid mind games," Sirius corrected.

"They're not stupid. By giving her space it gave both of them a bit of perspective and understanding," Remus said. "Think, James just offered to do something for another human being."

"That is true, well done buddy," Sirius said proudly, patting James on the back.

James rolled his eyes. "I'm not _that _bad."

"Not anymore you aren't!" Remus said happily.

"Hey! I've always thought about Lily, and worried about her."

"Yes. About what it would be like to heavily make out with her in a broom cupboard. Or how it would be to marry her and have lots of sex and babies," Sirius said sarcastically.

"Exactly! Now you think of her as a person!" Remus told him.

"Does she like that?" James asked uncertainly.

"Oh, Prongs, you are so bloody clueless," Sirius grinned at his friend.

James beamed. "So what's next??"

"I think we should talk to Emma or Lizzy again, about this dream of hers. If I'm not very much mistaken, you may have been somehow involved," Remus said.

"Seriously? I was in her dream?" James said in awe.

"Maybe. That's the impression I got when I talked to them…" Remus said slowly.

"Woah…big step!" But James looked doubtful.

"What's up Prongsie?" Sirius asked.

"I feel like…I feel like I should be honest with her. About the Marauders…" he said slowly, taking cover just in time for three pillows to be thrown unceremoniously in his direction.

"What?" he asked, affronted.

"NO!" the three others said simultaneously.

"But I don't like lieing to her!" James whined.

"You can't tell her the marauders' secrets!" Sirius said aghast.

"Oh, fine…" James grumbled, as he got out his little black book and wrote down the events of that morning.

**December 13th**

_Main subject had a dream. She seems very disturbed and distressed by it. Moony thinks I may have been somehow involved._

_This does not bode well; was the dream negative if she is so shaken up?_

"It could mean she is having difficulty accepting how she feels," Peter said as he read James' words.

_Mr. Wormtail is of the view that subject may be having difficulty coming to terms with her feelings. Mr Padfoot and Mr Moony second this opinion._

_Mr Prongs is ecstatic._

_Noted that subject refused to look at me, and did not respond when I told her I was there for her. Negative result for definite. Although to give her credit it took us all by surprise. _

_---_

"So you have no idea what she was dreaming about?" Remus pressed the two girls.

Emma, Lizzy and the marauders were all in the corner of the common room, talking in audible whispers whilst Lily was out on patrol.

"Actually James, shouldn't you be out on patrol?" Lizzy asked him.

"Oh, bugger, yeah. I'll be off in a minute," James acted forgetfully. In truth he had avoided his duties so as to avoid another awkward encounter with Lily. He hoped that if he found out the truth about her dream it might help him to understand her a little better; thus helping him to converse with her.

"Anyway, no, no idea at all," she answered.

But Remus noticed what the others did not. There was definitely something she wasn't telling them.

"What are you not telling us?" he asked Lizzy directly.

The girls exchanged worried glances, and both bit their lips. Could they betray their friends'secret? In the long run they both thought it could help her…they knew she liked James really…

"Okay…" Lizzy said slowly. "She said James' name out loud."

Sirius and James exchanged looks of delight and surprise. Sirius gave the thumbs up and James just barely resisted the urge to punch the air in triumph.

"Six times," Emma added.

James beamed, and trotted off to his detention with a definite spring in his step, his minds eye forming different scenes of which Lily's dream might have consisted of.

"Hey, Potter!" Emma called sharply.

"Yeah?"

"Don't say anything to her. Nothing, okay?"

"Not a word," James grinned mischievously.

Emma turned to the others.

"And here's where it all goes drastically wrong…"

They all murmured in unhappy agreement.

**A/N read on to see if it went drastically wrong! REVIEW!**


	5. War

**A/N This chapter's a bit dark and depressing…I promise the next will be a little more light hearted. But I'm fairly pleased with this – tell me what you think! That means review.**

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Lily paced the corridor angrily, letting out audible and agitated sighs. She could not for the life of her understand that dream…or why she had had a variation on the same one another four times in the last two weeks. Why she dreamt about Potter was beyond her…she didn't understand the stag, or the whomping willow…and the death eaters were quite frankly terrifying…

It was at this moment that James decided to strut down the corridor to join her, half an hour late for his head duties. James had intended to tease Lily till the sun came down about her saying his name in her sleep; but having seen her so upset and confused in the last few weeks, he had not quite had the heart to do it. He desperately wanted to know what was bothering her, but the Marauders thought it best he didn't ask.

"Potter, you're half an hour late," Lily groaned.

"Sorry, my Lilyflower."

Lily mentally cursed herself as her stomach somersaulted when he called her that. _Stupid nickname…_

"Don't call me that," she told him shortly. "And I'm not _your _anything."

"Testy! What's the matter, Evans? Have you been missing me?" he cooed playfully.

Once he had said it he regretted it.

"Miss you? You delusional, conceited fool," she said bitterly, turning away to hide her blushing cheeks.

James was stung and angry, but not fazed.

"Oh I think you do, Evans. Been wondering why I haven't asked you out? Worried I'm losing interest?" He teased.

"In your dreams, Potter," she said resentfully.

James just could not resist. She _was_ being incredibly difficult, after all.

"You mean like how I'm in yours?" He asked innocently, making no attempt to stop a smirk spreading itself across his face.

Lily spun around so rapidly her neck cricked painfully.

"Excuse me?" she demanded.

_How does he know? Oh…My…God. Wait, he has no proof…_

"Yeah…heard about your little…_outburst." _

"Potter I have no idea what you are talking about," she told him coolly.

"Just about how you shouted out my name when you had that nightmare," he said slyly. Then he added, "six times," as an afterthought.

"Of course I didn't. Don't delude yourself, Potter."

"Admit it Evans, you miss me!"

Lily was so outraged and humiliated, that to her utter horror she felt her eyes prickle. Blinking furiously to fight back the tears, feeling completely ridiculous, she rubbed her throbbing temple. James, however, remained oblivious to Lily's expression and carried on;

"There's no point in trying to pretend anymore, Evans. Everyone knows you're falling for-"

But at this, Lily looked up and cut him off.

"I am NOT, falling for you, Potter," she said icily, her expression venomous. But James saw the tears in her eyes; and this hurt him more anything she could have said.

"Lily, what's the matter?" he asked softly.

"Get lost, Potter," and she made to move past him, but he caught her around the shoulders and turned her to face him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you…I was being a pig."

"I understand. You can't help it, its only your nature, as I've tried to explain many a time. Goodnight." She shrugged off his arm and stomped off down the corridor. James weighed up the odds, and made a quick decision. He ran after her.

"Wait, Lily! I'm sorry! I was just teasing you! Just tell me what's wrong, I want to help you," he said, and Lily heard the plea in his voice. To his surprise and hers, she turned around to face him; arms crossed over her chest.

"Tell me what's bothering you," he implored.

For a moment, Lily considered it. Then she realised that telling him about her dream, meant telling him about the kiss…and anyway, she didn't much like the idea of sharing her mysterious recurring nightmares with James Potter.

"No," she told him.

"Fine," James accepted, shrugging. "But please Evans, talk to someone else…maybe Dumbledore can help," he suggested, and walked away. Lily felt a sudden urge to run after him and throw herself into his arms, but quickly quashed it, giving herself a mental kick. She spun on her heel to walk in the opposite direction, but at the last minute something took her and she called out;

"James?" But he was nowhere to be seen. Eyes darting along the corridor she wondered to herself how he might've disappeared so quickly. Sucking on her lower lip she decided she might try Dumbledore…if he had any ideas on what any of it meant, on what she was supposed to _do. _Well, it was worth a try.

James' heart was still racing from her using his first name, but he couldn't reveal himself now. He was standing nearby under his invisibility cloak, and followed her underneath it until she arrived at the stone gargoyle outside Dumbledore's office. James couldn't help but feel amazed that she had listened to his advice. He also hoped that Dumbledore could help her; he couldn't stand seeing her like this. She had been so wrapped up in whatever was on her mind that her marks had declined, and she was absent minded in lessons. It was also very strange to see that the number of sarcastic comments per day had reduced significantly. In short, that Lily fire that he loved had burned out ever so slightly. His little black book was full of remarks such as:

_December 19__th_

_Evans is looking even more tired today. Another sleepless night? Could not answer her question in charms; her best subject._

_Beginning to worry. Hope subject is not declining in mental health._

_Subjects' friends are also concerned; keep whispering about her when they think she cannot hear. I know that she has heard, and concur that this cannot be helping the situation._

_Take note that girls are very unsubtle, though endearingly worried about their friends. Padfoot would not know that anything was troubling you if it slapped him in the face. Moony might, but then Moony has never been particularly masculine._

Both Remus and Sirius had been rather resentful to his final comments, but they let him off when they realised how much Lily's odd behaviour was irking him. James watched her slowly spin out of sight on the moving staircase to Dumbledore's office. Satisfied, he thought he should head off to bed. However his curiosity was getting the better of him…What if he just hovered outside the door…that way he could know what was wrong without having to ask her…James thought it seemed an ingenious idea. He followed her up, careful not to make any noise, and stood a foot behind Lily as she geared herself up to knock. When she finally did, Dumbledore called to her, "Come in," and the door opened magically. Perhaps it was James' imagination, but he could've sworn Dumbledore's twinkling eyes lingered over the spot where he was standing, and that his expression had turned from one of calm serene to mild surprise. However he convinced himself it was probably to see Lily come to his office so late at night. _He can't see through invisibility cloaks…_

Dumbledore shifted his gaze to look into Lily's eyes and said;

"Miss Evans! Do come in, do come in."

"Sorry to disturb you Professor Dumbledore," she apologised, stepping over the threshold.

"Not at all, Lily, not at all!" he assured her jovially. "Have a seat," he told her, indicating to the chair on the other side of his desk.

"Thanks, Professor."

She looked around at the many sleeping portraits, wondering if they were really sleeping. She did not much feel like sharing her troubles with all of them listening in…

"I sense there is something you wish to tell me, Miss Evans. Do begin," he instructed, taking a sherbet lemon from a tin on his desk and leaning back to listen.

Lily looked away from the nearest portrait of Phineas Nigellus and his dramatic snoring, and began recounting the dream. She glazed over the kiss with James; though she felt certain that Dumbledore had felt her full meaning from the incoherent splutters. He bowed his head slightly at some parts, but his eyebrows knitted together confusedly as she told him of the death eaters. James on the other hand had done a celebratory dance from his listening post outside as he realised Lily had dreamt about them kissing, and froze where she had told of the stag…and the whomping willow. _How on earth had she dreamt that?_

"And I keep having the same one, and it's really worrying me; I can't sleep, or concentrate…I don't know what any of it means," Lily finished breathlessly.

Dumbledore sighed. He did not want to trouble her young heart more than it already was; he cared about her too much.

"Miss Evans, there is a chance this dream is…_prophetic. _This can happen to particularly powerful witches and wizards; when something very important in their lives will take place, particularly when they might not be ready for them. Where Mr. Potter is concerned, I need not explain; I trust you understand the implications," His eyes twinkled in the moonlight. "However," he continued, "the cross-over between James and the Dark Lord's followers…adds a certain air of mystery. For my part, I believe it suggests both you and he shall have an important part to play; before this war will be over."

"War?" Lily asked fearfully, just as James' stomach lurched.

"Lord Voldemort is swiftly gathering followers; followers which you caught a glimpse of in your dream. I believe it will come to a point where we will live in fear and sorrow, but I also believe we shall be the ones left standing," he said strongly.

"When? When is it going to happen?" Lily asked quickly.

"I should think a few years from now."

"Why aren't we preparing now? We should be gathering our strength before he has a chance to--"

"Miss Evans I am pleased that you take my view of things. Indeed I am also rather touched that you believe every word an old fool has to say," he smiled, "but the ministry does not believe the words an old fool has to say. Quite the contrary; they are not prepared to declare open war is upon to the wizarding community. I do not think they shall be until it is much too late," he sighed again.

"What are we going to do? There must be something…" Lily persisted.

"Indeed there is. I have set up a secret society called the Order of the Phoenix," he explained, whilst stroking the head of his beautiful Phoenix bird; Fawks. "We have been recruiting over the last year, and will protect the wizarding world as far as we can; if the need should arise."

Lily sat in silence for several minutes, gazing at Fawks, but did not leave.

"You think me and Potter will have a part to play in the War? Together?" Lily eventually asked uncertainly. James smiled slightly from outside.

"Quite so. In his downfall," he confessed. "Alternatively, it could merely suggest that you yourself have felt the growing darkness that shrouds us all…been given an insight to the dangers that may befall us."

"In his downfall?" she repeated, wide-eyed, "Can I join the order?"

James' head whipped round to face the door as he heard this. _No, Lily…You can't endanger yourself. _His stomach knotted at the thought of her getting hurt. He resumed his relentless pacing…_War? On the wizarding world? _He had to help, but he needed Lily safe and out of harm's way. _She's muggleborn..._he felt the knot tighten.

"Miss Evans you are much too young to be endangering yourself," Dumbledore told her softly, feeling much the same way as James. "Perhaps in a few years, which, after all will be when it really matters."

"In a few years," Lily repeated determinedly.

Dumbledore smiled crookedly, and then asked, "Something else?"

"Yes…" she said slowly, "the stag…the whomping willow…d'you think it means anything?"

James' heart froze and Dumbledore's eyes flickered to the door. He could not betray James secret…he did not even understand himself how Lily had been able to dream this.

"When in doubt, Miss Evans," he said, turning to face her again, "I find retracing my steps, a wise place to begin."

"…right," she replied lamely.

"And now, it is late. I suggest trying to rest, and if you are troubled with these dreams again, I recommend a visit to Madam Tilly as I am sure she has many a sleeping potion to help put your mind at ease."

"Okay," Lily said, standing up. "Thanks, Professor."

"Goodnight, Miss Evans," he gave her a crooked smile.

Lily reached out for the door handle, and heard footsteps outside the door, as if someone was scuttling away.However her mind was too full of what she had just discussed to think on it too long.

She went to bed that night with her head swimming with terrifying thoughts of Lord Voldemort, bearing down upon her…preparing to curse her into oblivion, then cursing her family…her friends. But when she finally fell asleep her dreams were of a very different nature. She dreamt of James again; and very pleasant dreams they were too…until suddenly she was watching him die at the hands of Voldemort.

Lily woke drenched in sweat, the image of a blinding flash of green light still all too clear in her mind. She stumbled out of the dormitory down to the common room, and collapsed onto her chair. Something was already there…she jumped up in shock, yelping and turned to see what or who it was. There was nothing on the chair. _Brilliant…I'm going mad. _She stretched out an arm and swiped the air. It brushed against something very soft. A blanket? Suddenly the jet black hair, hazel eyes and glasses of a terrified boy appeared as if out of nowhere.

"Lily…" he said softly.

He was holding a cloak, which Lily realised on closer examination to be an invisibility cloak. It was a great struggle for her not to laugh; trust Potter to have the most perfect aid to rule breaking!

"Where on earth did you get one of those?" she asked, still stunned from his surprise appearance.

"Handed down to me," James shrugged.

"You were outside Dumbledore's office," Lily realised in horror. "You…you heard everything?"

James nodded slowly. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked her, eyes wide with concern.

"Guess not," she answered, sitting down on a chair across from him. She was so utterly astonished that she had seen James die in her dream, not to mention astonished even further by how terrified it made her. She was also astonished about what had been happening in her dreams before that…

"Having the same dream?" he asked.

"Different one…" she replied carefully.

"What happens?"

Lily waited for a moment or two, and then decided it might, just this once, be better to be honest. About the death dream, not the...err…other one.

"…you die," she whispered, colouring slightly.

James sat and gawped at her, his heart racing. _First she dreams I'm kissing her, and now I'm dying?_

"I suppose that's reflective of the old Lily's attitude to James Potter," he managed to smirk. He had to make her smile…he needed to see her smile.

"I still have the same attitude James. You are still everything I've always said," she swiftly reminded him. Despite this it did not go amiss to James that she had used his first name again, and that her tone was somehow different than before. Were they friends now?

"How did I die in the dream?" he asked seriously.

"_He _killed you…" she muttered fearfully.

She stared at the fire, and felt an urge to cry again. James watched her pained expression, trying to figure her out. He tried desperately hard not to raise his hopes, knowing they would only fall, knowing he would be disappointed. But if she had dreamt about him dying and now she seemed this upset…surely that must mean she cared? He hardly dared to let himself believe it, so instead took the conversation elsewhere.

"Lily, are you scared?"

"Of course not," she scoffed. "Why would I have offered to join the order?"

"Because you want to help and because you're brave. You are a Gryffindor, Evans. That doesn't mean you're not afraid. I'm bloody terrified, personally."

"You are?" she asked, smiling slightly in spite of herself. Here was macho, Quidditch player extraordinaire Potter, confessing that he was afraid.

"Well, yeah. What if something happened to you?" he asked, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Lily knew that he was entirely sincere, and it filled her with a peculiar kind of feeling…a kind of misery, mixed with confusion…mixed with happiness. It was definitely new…it made her feel sort of…special.

"Aren't you worried about yourself? Or your family?" she asked, getting up to sit down on the arm of his chair instead, rendering James suddenly very aware of how close they were sitting. He could smell her…her perfume and her hair…and underneath the two, _Lily._

"Of course I'm worried about my family. But they're older they can take care of themselves," he said dismissively.

"I can take care of myself!" Lily cried, affronted.

"Of course you can," James rushed. "Make me a deal, Evans."

Her eyes narrowed, "what deal?"

"Promise me, that you and I will look after each other through this war."

"Potter, I don't need a bodyguard," she told him icily.

"Evans," James said, his tone pained, "you're…you're muggleborn. How long d'you think it'll be before he gets to you? They say no one lives once he decides to kill them…" he said, turning to her. She saw that his eyes were shining with tears, it made her stomach do another back flip.

"Never happen," she said firmly. "James you don't have to worry about me, I'm not afraid of him. I'll be fine."

"Promise?"

Lily sighed, "Promise."

Their eyes locked, and James daringly reached out and took her hand. She looked at him, and then snatched her hand back.

"What're you doing?" she asked in disgust. _Not real disgust _a voice echoed in her head. _Shut up _countered another.

"…sorry," he said staring at the floor.

"Potter we were only talking…it doesn't mean we're friends all of a sudden!"

"Bloody hell, Evans!" James said heatedly, brushing away his forgotten tears. "You're such a tease! Get a guys' motor revving, let the tension marinate a couple of days and then suddenly crown yourself the sodding ice-queen!"

"Don't be ridiculous! I have a random dream about you… and_ talk_ to you and suddenly it means I'm giving mixed signals? You're pathetic," she spat.

"Fine. Anything else?" he asked icily.

"Yeah! Stay away from me," she told him.

"With pleasure," he muttered, taking his leave.

**A/N REVIIIEWWWW!**


	6. Civil

**A/N This chapter is quite fluffy. Okay, very. I hope you like! R&R**

**XXX**

_Dear Mum,_

_You asked me to write, so here it is! Things are a bit gloomy over here… and I'm suddenly scared about what might happen…is there really going to be a war?_

_Lily asked me to stay away from her…she's really upset and isn't sleeping. I've been trying to be a better person; you would laugh if I told you all of the things Remus and Sirius have made me do! Is it true she'll be in more danger than pure-bloods if Voldemort takes over? How can I protect her, Mum?_

_How are you and Dad? Is everything okay at home?_

_Write back soon,_

_With love,_

_James._

James folded his little letter in half, and offered it to the nearest Hogwarts owl.

"Take this to Godric's Hollow, okay?"

The owl hooted in acknowledgement, and took off out of the owlery, and out of sight.

James watched it go, feeling worse and worse by the minute. He turned to go, and froze as his hazel eyes met with a pair of emerald ones. Lily was standing in the doorway, also clutching a letter which James read was addressed to "Mum". She had decided to come to the owlery at 6 in the morning? On the same day that he'd decided to come? What were the chancesJames cleared his throat, and looked everywhere but at her. Eventually, not able to withstand the tension any longer he said;

"Sorry, I'll just go…" he tried to skirt around her, but she blocked his way. He looked at her in mild surprise.

"Wait a second, Potter," she said, every word seemed to be costing her the world.

"S'matter Evans? Realised you can't live without me?" James began to wonder why his brain seemed completely disconnected with his mouth. It was not as if he had planned on saying that…maybe he just needed a filter for all his thoughts. Lily fought off the urge to wipe his smirk clean off his face with a kiss. _No, _she told herself, _not with a kiss…with a slap…_

"Why do you always do that?" she snapped. "Just as I'm about to apologise, you--"

"Apologise? You, Evans? Never!" he joked, again wishing he had some control over what he said. "Wouldn't blame you for wanting a quickie though, can't say the owlery is my favourite hot spot, but--"

"Why are you being like this again? You changed…" she asked, confused.

"Why Evans, what was that you just said? I distinctly remember you saying that I never changed, and never would…I would always be an arrogant, conceited toerag! Looks like someone's changed their tune!"

"For heaven's sake Potter. I just wanted to apologise for being so snappy and rude to you that day. I was tired, and upset. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

James stared at her in amazement.

"Um, Lilykins, you have to actually say the words…" he coaxed.

"Don't call me that. And I'm…I'm--" _Gosh,_ _this is hard…_

"Yes, Lilyflower?" he tilted his head to the side.

"You really have problems with the word "don't" don't you?"

"Why do you say that, Lilykins?" he smiled lopsidedly. For some reason that she just could not explain that smile had started to make her legs go jelloid every time she saw it. She tried to keep her composure, but his eyes were so…so…

"Evans?" he prompted.

"Uh, right!" she jerkily said. "What I meant to say is that, I'm sorry, James."

"That's okay, Lily," he said, grinning.

"Well, see you around then," she said awkwardly.

"Hang on a sec," he said, stopping her from walking off. "How are you? Are you sleeping better?"

"A little, thanks," she said, slightly surprised.

James knew immediately that she was lying.

"I'll go and get you some sleeping potion before Transfiguration if you like."

"Um…" she was taken aback by his offer, and complete disregard for her lie, "okay, thanks James."

"No problem, Evans," he said gruffly, and headed out. Once he was out of her sight, he did another celebratory dance. Or once he thought he was out of sight. Unfortunately, Lily had followed him out and was watching from the doorway in a fit of silent giggles. Eventually, when James began some hilarious bum waggles and hip thrusts, she let one slip audibly and he turned to locate the source of the noise with dread. Lily watched as his face quite literally emptied of colour at seeing her standing there, and then immediately refilled so that he greatly resembled a tomato. This only made her laugh harder.

"Potter-you…what…was…that?" she managed.

His hand shot up to his hair, and began messing it up; a trait which, much to her annoyance, Lily was beginning to find increasingly endearing.

"That was my...uh…dance…" he said, staring pointedly at the floor. Lily thought to herself that someone could fry an egg on his face, it was so red. She felt for him a little, and after a few more painful moments, she said what she had come out to say:

"Merry Christmas, James," and she went back into the owlery to post her letter.

Once over the initial shock of the civility of this, he was about to start his dance again, when he heard a voice:

"Don't do the dance," Lily called to him, and he could hear the laughter in her voice.

_Good idea, _he thought to himself.

He wandered to the hospital wing in a daze of happiness for once. Had he and Lily just shared friendly conversation? Were they now actually friends? He couldn't help but smile.

"What can I do for you, dear?" Madam Tilly's voice brought him back to reality.

"Oh, right. My friend's not sleeping very well," he explained. He was so chuffed that he could now call her that now! "Can I take some sleeping potion for her?" he asked.

"Ah, for Miss Evans," Tilly nodded knowingly. "Yes, Dumbledore told me you might come."

And she bustled away to fetch a potion from her supplies. Moments later she was back, carrying a small bottle of a disgustingly coloured and gloopy liquid.

"Urgh! Lily has to drink this?" James wrinkled his nose as he took it from her.

Tilly placed her hand on her hips and looked at him sternly.

"I mean, thanks a lot Madam Tilly," he corrected himself.

"She'll only be needing a teaspoon full. Any more than that and she'll be sleeping till the next century," she told him. "Now off you go."

**XXX**

"You talked properly?" Remus asked in shock.

"Yeah!"

"She didn't shout at you?"

"Well…not a lot."

"She didn't hex you?"

"Nope!"

"She didn't tell you to leave her alone?"

"Nope."

"She said "Merry Christmas"?"

"Yep!"

At that, there was a whoop from Sirius, a hurrah from Remus and an odd wheezing noise from Peter.

"Congratulations, mate!" Sirius cheered, clapping him on the back.

The boys spent the best part of fifteen minutes arguing over what their children's names could be.

"I like Harold," Sirius declared.

"Over my dead body!"

"Remus is always an excellent name."

James snorted slightly and then turned it into a convincing cough.

"What about…Harry?" Remus suggested, oblivious to the reaction of his last.

"…Harry…I like Harry. Good name, Moony," Sirius agreed.

"Not bad," James nodded. "I have to say though, having one civil conversation doesn't lead on directly to marriage and babies…Oh…and there's some other stuff I think I should let you know," James said. He told them everything about Lily's dream, and her conversation with Dumbledore.

"And I've been worrying about the NEWTs…"

"Just because he told Lily she can't join, doesn't mean we can, does it Prongs?" Sirius demanded.

Peter let out a terrified squeak.

"Us…try to fight _you know you?" _he asked, petrified.

"Get a grip, Wormtail. Don't you want to help? We can't let him win!" Sirius said heatedly.

Next door, Lily's friends were of a similar view to Sirius.

"We need to join it," Emma said straight away.

"Dumbledore says we can't for a few years. We're too young," Lily told them.

"In a few years," Lizzy said determinedly. Lily smiled at how their reaction was identical to hers.

"Don't worry guys," she assured them, "we're joining."

**XXX**

An hour or so later, they had eventually all decided to go to sleep. James lay awake, worrying whether or not the potion had worked for Lily. Then with a sudden lurch of the stomach he realised with horror that he had forgotten to give it to her. He shot out of bed, fast as lightening, grabbed the bottle from his bag and sprinted out of the dormitory. He found her in her favourite chair by the fire, as usual.

"Um…" James said, announcing his presence. "Lily?"

She turned to him. _If looks could kill…_he thought to himself.

"Forgot, did you?"

"I'm sorry, Lily. I've got the potion here if you still want it! I went to get it and then must have forgotten to give it to you…"

"Not to worry, Potter. You can put it there and go," she told him stonily.

"Er… no," he said. "I'm waiting till I've seen you take it."

And he did.

He laughed slightly when she gagged at the way it tasted, just as he had predicted she would. Satisfied, he made to head back up. "Goodnight, Evans."

"Wait…James?" she asked timidly.

"Could you just…could you stay here, with me?"

He was stunned.

"Uh…sure…I guess I can sleep on the couch, hang on--"

He conjured up two fluffy duvets and feather pillows. He tossed one set to her, and made up spot for himself on the sofa.

"I meant…could you stay here…" she said, blushing furiously, and looking up at the ceiling. She patted the chair she was sitting on.

"You want me to…sleep, with you?" he asked, hardly believing this could ever be possible. _I'm probably dreaming, _he thought to himself.

But she turned to look at him. It wasn't a dream. She looked so vulnerable…and sad…

"Well," he swallowed, "why don't you come here…there's much more room."

She slowly made her way over, postponing the embarrassing moment as long as possible. Eventually she lay down beside him, nestling her head into his chest. He smelt like aftershave, cologne and…_James. _She could not believe she was doing this. _Why, Lily, Why? _He wrapped his arms around her, thinking there was no way she couldn't hear his heartbeat with the way it was pounding in his ears. He felt peaceful yet alive…calm yet on fire…Her hair brushed against his chin, tickling it.

_I can't believe this…_

Lily suddenly felt warm, comforted and _fuzzy_. It was a pleasant feeling.

She lifted her head to look at him, and saw in his eyes that sparkle that he reserved especially for her.

"Night Evans."

"Night, Potter."

And they both fell asleep, almost immediately.

**A/N Review ******


	7. The Morning After

**A/N: Much love to reviewers! You're comments are smuchly appreciated!**

James woke up the next day to find Lily had gone. For a horrible few moments he supposed he must have dreamt it; after all, what were the chances of Lily Evans, who considered him more evil than Voldemort himself, asking him if he would…_sleep _with her? James almost laughed at such a ridiculous idea…but then felt that awful disappointment settle in the pit of his stomach. It had been so vivid…down the last freckle on her little button nose. He groaned and turned over face down into his pillow. He started, as he realised it smelled of her…that beautifully intoxicating Lily smell…pure poison…

Then he was kicking himself, realising that had he dreamt it how would he have ended up on the sofa of the common room instead of his dormitory? It had definitely happened. He had to find her. He dragged his feet over the edge of the sofa, and then hauled his body into a sitting position. He vanished the covers with a lazy flick of his wand, and proceeded up the stairs so as to get dressed as quickly as possible and escape down to the Great Hall. He did not see the idea of telling the marauders that he had cuddled Lily while she slept as very appealing. In fact, it would be downright humiliating. He checked his watch and sighed with relief, seeing that it was only six - thirty in the morning. Thankfully, Sirius never woke up until noon on weekends, and the others probably wouldn't tease without his encouragement. Slamming the door shut, he lazily began to search for clothes.

Having pulled on a pair of jeans, not knowing or caring whether they were his or Sirius', he groped under the bed for signs of a shirt. Feeling something soft, he withdrew his hand and then stepped back in revulsion, dropping Remus' underpants from yesterday.

"Disgusting, Moony," he said under his breath. He did not see the boy in the bed next to him smile slightly in his sleep.

After another few minutes he had assembled some sort of outfit, so he began once again in his fruitless attempts at making his hair lie flat; all the while, wondering what on earth he could say to Lily…and how uncomfortable the conversation would be. He gave up after a minute or so, and sighing, made to head downstairs; feeling rather pleased with himself for being so covert and escaping a very awkward conversation with his friends.

As he reached out for the doorknob, there was an outburst of sniggers from a nearby bed. He wrenched open the door and made a bid for freedom; in vain.

"Hold on there, Prongs!" Sirius called. It was clear from his voice he had been awake for hours, when Sirius had just woken up it was hard to tell him apart from a bullfrog. Silently cursing, James turned around to face him very, very slowly.

"Busted!" joked another voice. James heart sank, Remus too? "Thought you could get away could you?"

"How long have you all been up?" James asked, eyes narrow.

"Long enough. Although to be fair, Prongs you made such a racket we would've woken up anyway," Remus said fairly.

"Where exactly have you been then?" Sirius asked, sitting up, eyebrows raised in mock ignorance.

"I think you can have a guess…" James implied. It would be much better for them to think he and Lily had at least kissed, rather than admitting what they had actually done.

"Was it in a broom cupboard, Prongs?" Sirius asked gleefully.

James tilted his head in un-committed acknowledgement.

"Wait a minute, are you actually saying you and Lily have…you actually kissed?" Remus asked in shock, not making any sort of attempt to hide his disbelief.

"Uh…" James stalled for time.

Sirius goggled. "Did you?"

"Well…no."

There was a disappointed sigh throughout the room (except from Peter, who wheezed).

"Well, then where _have _you been James?" Remus asked confusedly.

"With Lily," James answered.

"Am I the only one confused with this conversation?" Sirius wondered aloud.

"Definitely not," Peter chimed in. "What in Merlin's name are you on about, James?"

"We were together, we just didn't kiss," James explained slowly, as if talking to a group of three year olds.

"So…you just talked? All night?" Remus asked sceptically.

"We…we sort of…"

"Yes?" Prompted Sirius.

"We…cuddled," James admitted, turning beetroot.

"_Cuddled?" _Sirius repeated in disbelief.

"Well, yeah! She was all upset and stuff and she wanted me to…sleep with her. Sleep…next to her, I mean," James said defensively. The room at large just stared blankly at him.

"Well, that's…that's very…" Remus said uncertainly.

"What does it mean?" Sirius frowned at him, this time speaking more seriously.

"I dunno…I was on my way to find out," James replied, gesturing to the door.

"Well get going then!" Remus urged.

"Right," James said before disappearing. Halfway down the stairs he heard three calls of "Good Luck!"

"What on earth is that about then?" Sirius asked Remus, who was looking at the spot where James had been standing, grinning from ear to ear.

"I think that is about Lily falling in love," he answered softly.

James was standing in the doorway of the Hall, watching Lily eating and talking animatedly with a group of friends. He whipped out his book and began to write right there on the spot.

_December 25__th_

_Best Christmas present ever this year. I spent the night WITH Evans,, in fact lying next to her, holding her and her holding me back. Could it be more perfect? Well…yes, there could have been some kind of whipped cream involved…off topic._

_This may have been breakthrough moment…the ice queen finally melts!_

_Am standing preparing to discuss the matter with her. She is talking with other subjects, they are goggling at her in the same way the marauders' goggled at me when I told them the news. Perhaps she is talking about me, her new boyfriend James Potter…_

_Have observed girls enjoy showing off. Perhaps a little more subtly. There is a rather more nasty side to it, whereas boys will just be upfront._

_Perhaps subject is showing me off right now. The others will be wild with envy._

He was suddenly brought back to reality as someone barged into him in a hurry on the way out of the hall. It was nearly empty, so thankfully he would be able to avoid a scene. But all of her friends were there…_I'll have to get her on her own…._

He nervously approached the pack, and tapped Lily on the shoulder. She did not respond. He tried again:

"Hey, Lily."

"Hullo, Potter," she said stiffly. She was being cold; she did not even turn to look at him before resuming conversation with Emma. "Yeah, I know, but Davies told me that--"

"Can I...err, talk to you for a minute, outside?" he asked loudly, interrupting them before they became too immersed. It was then that he saw Emma and Lizzy avoiding his gaze too, even when he tried waving meekly. It was rather off putting.

"Are you asking to be hexed, Potter?" she said venomously.

James felt as though he had been slapped, and with a feeling of dread rising in his stomach came the realisation that she was back to her old self. He stood there in disbelief for a few more seconds, before saying;

"No…it's about a head duty thing," he lied smoothly. She did not look as though she believed him, but nevertheless she relented with a sigh.

"Fine," she said shortly, "two minutes." Muttering a quick goodbye to her friends she followed him out.

Once outside, faced with an impatient redhead who was tapping her foot and looking uncomfortably skyward, he found he had no idea what to say.

"What is it, Potter? Fancy telling me sometime this century?"

"I wanted to talk to you about last night," he managed.

"What about it?" she replied, a little too quickly.

James was stunned for the second time in twenty-four days. What kind of game was she playing here?

"Oh, I dunno," he said sarcastically, "maybe how we…were, you know!" he gestured angrily.

"What?" she pressed innocently; he could tell she was enjoying it.

"How we slept on the couch together…" he said bluntly, but Lily could feel the meaning behind his words. It only spurred her on…

"Oh, that?" She gave a derisive laugh which made James feel as though his heart had painfully split in two. "Did you honestly think that meant something?" she asked bitterly. Something about how pathetic he looked standing there staring at her only made her more angry. "Come on, Potter! You thought that meant we were friends?"

"Actually, I thought it meant a little more than that," he admitted through gritted teeth.

He saw her flush briefly, but it didn't stop her.

"You what? Well done, Potter. You've crossed the line from being a conceited idiot, to being a pathetic and conceited idiot. I'll see you later," And with that she turned and walked away, hating herself, but feeling oddly satisfied.

He felt as though she was walking away, taking a piece of him with her.

**A/N. I'm sorry, I know you must HATE her. I know I do. Keep reading – and don't forget those reviews!**


	8. It's a Question of Trust

**A/N Hello, hello! Big thanks to my reviewers so far – especially Shetlandlace 3 (by the way you are right about Lily in your last review). Anyway here's the next chapter. Short, but it had to be done. R&R**

**---**

"Emma! Hey!" James called.

She walked on, either ignorant of him or pretending to be.

"Emma! Wait a sec'!" he darted down the corridor and caught her up. She now didn't have a lot of choice in talking to him.

"What is it, Potter?" she asked resignedly.

"Why so testy?" he frowned into her blue eyes. "You and I have always been on relatively good terms."

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Yes, I suppose so. Don't be telling Lily I spoke to you, though…"

"Look, Stevens, I think you're being a little less than straight here. You start to help me win her over, and now you're ignoring me on her orders?"

"I know…I'm sorry James…" And as he studied her expression he could see she meant it. "But Lils and I have been friends since we were five and if it's a choice between you and her…"

"Since when does it have to be a choice? We had a fight; it's not the first time!" Then he registered something else of what she'd said. "You've been friends since you were five?"

Emma nodded sincerely.

"How come? Are you muggleborn too?"

"James you're not the brightest of the bunch are you, dear?" she tilted her head, eliciting a slight chuckle.

"I'll allow that," he nodded, thankful they were back to laughing at his expense.

"We've been best friends for basically as long as I can remember; we went to Muggle primary school together. We were both so scared we'd have to leave the other the day we got our letters! But we were both witches…isn't that amazing?" she said reminiscently.

"Yeah…wow…"

James felt a little stupid for having never found out about this. He supposed she and Emma must be something like sisters. Just like him and Sirius were like brothers….She must trust her with her life…as one thought ran into another, something occurred to him which had never quite done so before.

"She trusts you!" he said, in sudden outburst.

She looked a little taken aback. "Yes…she does. And I want it to stay that way."

"That's why you're so close…she trusts you," he said, his expression mirroring the look of someone having a slight epiphany.

_Oh…_Emma thought to herself. _Wow, James is having intelligible thoughts about someone other than himself…_

"Oh," she voiced aloud. "Yes, Lily doesn't easily trust. I think that's why she's so reluctant to face up to the fact that you're different now," she said thoughtfully. "Which you are by the way," she added kindly as he flashed her a smile.

"Nah…I've always been like this. Just took a bit of Marauder mischief to bring out the best in me. Also my incredible wit, good looks and charm are all marvellous contributing factors to my perfection."

"James," she said sternly.

"Right, none of that," he told himself.

Emma looked at him for a moment, and then said softly.

"It's a defence mechanism isn't it?"

"Sorry?"

"You act like that as a defence…to hide how you really feel."

"Given it some thought?" he quirked an eyebrow.

"No, but Lily has," Emma said offhand. She grinned as she saw how quickly this caught his attention, and then how he tried to cover it up.

"What's that now, Emma?" he said, in an attempt to imitate her tone of indifference.

"Lily thinks it's a defence mechanism," Emma repeated.

"You mean in the same way her bitter, angry, insulting side is a defence mechanism?" he challenged.

Emma laughed appreciatively.

"You're right. It is Lily's way of neglecting feelings she can't cope with. When she finds herself wanting to trust someone she thinks she shouldn't…" she implied meaningfully.

"You think that's what it was?" James asked, eyebrows raised.

"I might be completely off the mark here, but did something happen between you two the night before the argument?" Emma asked.

James was flabbergasted, so that he gaped like a goldfish out of water for several moments before spluttering;

"You mean she wasn't telling you at the breakfast table? When you were all goggling at her like loons? She wasn't telling you about her sexy new boyfriend James Potter?"

Just as Emma was trying to absorb these three questions as best she could, Lily came running down the corridor to greet her; stopping abruptly when she saw who she was talking to. She had just enough time to dive behind a tapestry before he peered around to see who was there. He realised he must have imagined the footsteps, and turned back to Emma, shrugging. Lily breathed a sigh of relief; she really did not have time to be harassed by Potter. _But you have time to hide behind a tapestry and listen to his conversations…_

"She didn't tell us anything about you," Lily heard Emma say.

_Arrogant Git…cornering my best friend and pumping her for information…_

"What _was _she saying then?" James asked, intrigued.

Lily felt a vein pulsating in her head. He was so intrusive! Where did he get off trying to find out every little thing about her behind her back? _Because you refuse to talk to him…_

"I asked what happened between you two first," Emma pointed out to him.

Now Lily felt anger towards both of them; Emma was asking Potter what had happened instead of her? She was supposed to be her friend! A few moments later and suddenly the anger ebbed away as she realised with horror what each was about to reveal to the other.

"Fine, I'll go first," James reasoned. "Then you."

"Deal."

Lily heard him tell Emma what had happened and felt humiliated all over again. How could she have been so stupid to have let him in like that? Her mind strayed to the memory of his heart thudding gently in her ear, the warmth of his body against hers…the perfection. Giving herself a gigantic mental kick Lily realised there was nothing else for it but to pretend it had never happened; it was the only way to forget about it, so that she could be sure it would never _ever_ happen again. Her humiliation only increased as a few seconds stretched into almost a full minute of stunned silence from Emma. Eventually…

"She did WHAT?"

James nodded. "Took me by surprise too."

"When she wasn't there…I just assumed you'd made a move on her and she'd blown up or something!"

_Usually a safe assumption…_Both Lily and James thought at the same time.

"Usually a safe assumption," James said out loud. Lily started as she heard her own thoughts repeated by him. It would take Lily Evans much longer than necessary to realise that she and James actually had a lot in common.

"Now you," he instructed Emma. Lily's heart raced; surely Emma would lie? She would cover for her? She wouldn't reveal to Potter that –

"She's been dreaming about you," Emma said outright.

_Betrayal! _Lily thought.

"She…she what? More than that one time you mean?" Lily could hear in his voice how ecstatic he was. _It's sweet. No. No it's not, it's pathetic. Annoying. Creepy._

"Much more. I think she has them almost every night now…and she was telling us at breakfast to ignore you, because she wants to stop having them…"

"What happens in them?" James swiftly asked.

At this Emma's lip curled maliciously.

"Not _that. _If that's what you're thinking!" she said. Lily felt eternally grateful for a split second before her resentment returned. There had been the odd _that _dream…

"Why, Emma! Am I really that shallow?" James asked her, pouting jokingly.

"Yes."

"That's fair."

Emma giggled before going on;

"It's usually something to do with…to do with the War, and _him. _And I think a few times it's been you…well…dying. And other times, breaking up with her. Either way it's always depressing," she explained matter-of-factly.

"Breaking up with her, eh? Does that mean we were going out in the dream?" his eyes sparkled mischievously.

"Honestly Potter! Is that all you ever think about? Just think for a moment about the dreams, they mean a lot more than anything you're thinking of right now!"

"How? They don't sound in the least bit romantic."

"And sex is?" she said sarcastically.

"Depends…you could be going for more of an animal…dirty…wild approach," he said thoughtfully. "But you know, there is a passionate, loving side to sex. Which when the partners are in love, like Lily and I inevitably will be…"

"POTTER!" Emma screeched.

"Yes, Stephens?"

"Shut up!"

"Why? What'd I do? I was only answering your question…besides, these dreams clearly did not involve Lily covered only in chocolate, and if they didn't I'm not really interested," he said reasonably.

"You're not considering the implications of this at all, are you?" Emma asked him disappointedly.

"Look, if Lily's having dreams about me dying, or dumping her I think the message is pretty clear…" James said sadly, looking at the ground.

"I think you might be taking it a bit too literally…" Emma said carefully.

Lily was now hot with humiliation and discomfort; her heart was racing and her legs wobbled dangerously. Just hearing this conversation had brought on this reaction…she could not imagine what it would _really _be like with James…_And you don't want to, _she told herself, _what a disgusting idea, Lily. _She was now grateful that this little exchange of her most heartfelt secrets had gone on with her within easy listening distance. Embarrassing though it had been; she would now be aware of why James would act as cocky in the next few days as he so inevitably would, and she could punish Emma accordingly. Maybe a nice bat-bogey hex? However she could not help feeling bad for James as she heard the hurt in his voice at what he had last replied. _He is so utterly clueless…he takes things so literally…_No matter, if anything this could help her.

Emma was looking at James in astonishment. How could anyone be so ignorant of other people's feelings? She did not think she had met anyone so utterly clueless in her life. She decided it would be best for his sake if she let him try to understand it on his own. And she did not feel up to explaining it to him; Lily was pretty nifty with a bat-bogey hex, and if she got wind of it…

"James. Listen," she said slowly. "It doesn't mean anything like what you're thinking now. I promise you."

James lifted his head in surprise, his features distinctly brighter.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Think about it…"

And she started to head off to lunch.

"Wait, Stephens! I really don't--" he began.

She turned to face him, smiling slightly.

"It's a question of trust, James," she said softly.

Lily was now fuming. Emma was treating James like a sad little lost puppy. She would need to remind her forcefully later on of how much of a prick he really was; with her unique hexing ability. She heard Emma's footsteps ebb away, and waited for James to move. He just stood there for several minutes; Lily was convinced she could actually hear the cogs turning in his head. _How thick could you get? _Eventually, he walked straight past her, and she drew in breath; if he discovered her now…But he didn't, he just continued down the hallway, wheels still turning.

---


	9. The Leader

**---**

**Padfoot, how do you get a girl to trust you?**

_I think I'm the wrong person to ask on that one, mate. However I think I can safely say in the case of you and Evans, never._

**Cheers. That helps a lot. Moony? Any thoughts?**

_**Yes. You're not going to like it.**_

**Hit me.**

_**You need to become her friend.**_

**Friends? How? I can't be her friend! I definitely don't think of her as a friend…**

_**We know that, Prongs. You need to become her friend, gain her trust, find out more about her and then maybe you'll get what you want.**_

**I have to do **_**all **_**that, just for a maybe? I'm beginning to think this relationship malarkey is much harder than one would think.**

_Mr Padfoot is impressed that you are thinking at all._

**Shut up.**

_What a creative comeback. I retract my earlier comment._

James flashed Sirius an amused grin as he read the note that had landed on his desk. It was transfiguration; his forte. He scrunched up the note and seeing as he had already successfully completed the switching spell, he began to simulate various conversations, ideas and plans for how he might be able to persuade Lily to be his friend. They had still not spoken since their little disagreement; Remus thought she needed space, and for once, James did not feel any particular desire to be around her. The argument had hurt him more than he would've expected; more than he had liked. He had gone back to making silly notes in his book on all the girls in school, trying to understand whether what Lily had said was truth, or whether it was like Emma had said and she was having a hard time coming around to trusting him. It had taken him days to understand this concept; it would be a long time before James Potter truly understood Lily Evans. Also, the note-taking was (as Emma had also said) his defence mechanism. He thought that by turning it into a joke he would be able to distract himself from how miserable he was.

It was much to Lily's annoyance that James had not bounded up to her at the first opportunity to apologise profusely (and ask her out to Hogsmeade), though she hated to admit this to herself. Truth be told, with the up and coming War and the stress of all her classes she missed having him around as a preoccupation, and as a reassurance. For some inexplicable reason he made her feel…safe. Unfortunately for her in this case, James did not see that he had done anything wrong; and though although both failed to see it they were much more alike than they gave themselves credit for; both were incredibly stubborn. They also both had their pride, and James refused point blank to be the one to back down. He heaved a great sigh as he watched her from behind, realising that in order to become friends he would need to make the first move. _But I'm not going to apologise…_he told himself firmly. _Not first, anyway. _

By the end of the lesson, he had a vague idea of how he might go about it. He took a deep breath, bracing himself. He would just go up to Lily and ask to talk to her later on, after lessons ended for the day. She saw him approaching out of the corner of her eye, and felt her heartbeat quicken. She suddenly felt hot and uncomfortable; although it was the middle of February. She noticed that he seemed to be taking the smallest steps possible, and realised that he must be nervous. She smiled bashfully, and then immediately gave herself a mental kick. When he was just a foot away, she turned around to pack away her things so as to hide her slightly flushed cheeks, and so as to keep him ignorant of her noticing him. When she had prolonged turning back around to face him for as long as possible, she spun around to find him in conversation with Professor McGonagall. She struggled to hear what they were saying; McGonagall was speaking in a low voice.

"Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office," McGonagall muttered to him.

"Now?" he asked hopefully.

"As soon as possible," she said.

He was slightly relieved he had an excuse for getting out of potions, and for being able to procrastinate his talk with Lily a little longer; the idea of being the first to break the bout of silence really got to him. Still he couldn't resist chancing a glance in her direction, and he saw that she was watching them. He smiled at her, and she smiled back.

_She smiled at me! Smiled!_

_How could I smile at him? How could I smile at him?_

James turned back to McGonagall and said:

"Professor, I promise we haven't done any pranks in a few months. I've been busy with head duties…and to be honest we've all decided that--"

"Mr. Potter," she interrupted. "You are not in trouble, I assure you. And Professor Dumbledore has great confidence in you; which is incidentally why he made you Head." She smiled at him stiffly. "Now, you'd best be off," she ushered him out of the classroom.

Lily watched the exchange with great interest. Why was Potter receiving such special treatment? She wondered what it was Dumbledore wanted to discuss. She wished she had an invisibility cloak to listen in with like Potter, but then she realised that would be wrong; and in any case she did not care much for whatever Dumbledore had to say to egotistical toe-rags. He hesitated outside the classroom door, but when she appeared she walked straight past him without a second glance. He saw the resolution in her eyes and didn't try to stop her, deciding on trying to tackle her when she was in less of a brick-wall mood. He knew that look; she would never listen to a word he had to say.

---

James knocked hesitantly on Dumbledore's door, and waited for the same ritual of the door opening magically followed by the soft "come in."

"You wanted to see me Professor?" James asked.

"Ah, James! Yes, indeed I did. Have a seat."

He did so, looking into Dumbledore's eyes expectantly. Even James could not fail to notice on this occasion that they twinkled with a certain pride and fondness for him. He was beginning to wonder what he might have done to deserve it, when Dumbledore finally spoke.

"James, I'm very proud of how well you've accepted the responsibility of your role as Head this year," he began. "Some of the other staff did have…_slight_ difficulty in comprehending my decision, but I assured them that I had the utmost faith in you, and now you have proven me right; for which I am very grateful."

"Err…you're welcome?"

James wondered where this was going…not that it wasn't nice to be here for another reason that the aftermath of the Marauders' latest stunt.

"However," James was unnerved by how distinctly the tone of his voice changed. "I regret that I shall have to ask something else of you; in addition to your usual tasks as Head Boy," he said apologetically.

"Whatever you need," James said immediately.

Dumbledore beamed at him.

"Professor Hutchinson has informed me on many occasions that you are particularly talented with his subject," James tried hard not to appear pleased with himself; he had always loved Defence against the Dark Arts. "And, given the current state of things; which I assume you understand from listening to my conversation with Miss Evans outside the door…" he said, smiling slightly.

"How did you know about that?" James asked, rather abruptly, "Professor," he added quickly.

"It is a fairly simple spell," Dumbledore explained, "Used to reveal any person you suspect to be nearby; it will work no matter how well hidden they are. I thought I heard more than one set of footsteps outside my door, and of course on seeing Miss Evans I rather suspected you of being there. In fact, the spell may come in useful. The incantation is _homeo revelio. __**(A/N I'm not sure if that's right – my memory and Latin both suck, but go with it) **_You would do well to practise it."

"Okay…thanks Professor, and thank you for not telling Evans about Remus."

"I suppose you also mean to thank me for not revealing that you as well as Mr Black and Mr Pettigrew have all been illegal Animagi since the end of fourth year?" he asked, now making no attempts to hide his amusement.

"You know about that too?" James asked incredulously. "And you didn't expel us?"

"Expel you? Good gracious, no. I thought it incredible that three young boys would go to such an extent for the well-being of their friend; it demonstrated courage and kindness that is so rarely to be seen these days. Not to mention how you all showed such strength of character and exceptional wizardry in being able to complete the transformation. No, dear boy of course I did not expel you. It is one of the greatest things I have witnessed in my entire time as Headmaster."

James sat in stunned silence. He found his respect for Dumbledore was increasing by the minute; he was quite an incredible man.

"Anyway, James, let us get back to the matter at hand." Dumbledore continued. "In these dark times, I feel we need to...expand a little, beyond the…ah, usual curriculum," he paused. "Regretfully, I believe things will come to the point where every wizard, and perhaps every Muggle, will be in very grave danger. There will be constant attacks; the entire community shall live in terror, fighting for their lives, repressed by Lord Voldemort and his death eaters. There will be dark, dark times, James…everyone will need to be prepared as best they can. I cannot let my students face the outside world alone," said Dumbledore resolutely. "I need you to lead them."

James just looked on in silence. He had clearly gotten confused. James was not a leader, he was a Quidditch player…granted a very handsome one, but still…

"Sorry, Sir…but I don't think I'm…I can't…I'm not sure what you want me to--"

"Yes you can," Dumbledore said firmly. "I need you to teach the students defence. Start a group; say it is your idea. Do not alarm them; just help them as best you can. I ask only in desperation, they need to be ready."

"Of course…of course I will, but--"

"You have proven it yourself this year that you are more than capable of what I ask. I need a student to do this; if a teacher became involved it would cause panic and confusion. I need everyone to be united in this battle. Put aside your prejudices, James. Become what you were born to be. Become a leader."

---

**A/N cheeeeese I know. But I couldn't resist. Like Father like son right?**


	10. Confrontation

A week later found James Potter stood in front of the almost the entire seventh year and most of the sixth year of Hogwarts in the great hall. They were whispering among themselves as they stood in waiting, and he shuffled nervously from foot to foot; his heart ricocheting inside of him. He had agreed to do this…he _needed_ to do this. He gulped as he tried to find his voice; he had an idea of what he wanted to say, but for some reason, he didn't seem able to say a word. He had still not spoken to Lily properly, too preoccupied with what was coming; though when he had told her about his job she had told him she would come and help him in whatever way she could (though unfortunately in a very business-like way).

The crowd quietened as Sirius hushed them, and all eyes turned to James. Waiting…wondering. None of them knew the particulars of why they were there, (except for the Marauders, Lily, Emma and Lizzy); but any and all of them were ready and willing to do anything James Potter asked of them. The Quidditch hero of Hogwarts, the talented and good looking head boy. The leader. James felt the eyes of a hundred people on him and took a deep breath.

"Thanks for coming…" he began lamely. "I…I...uh…"

But all words seemed lost on him. That is to say until he saw her standing there. He had been scanning the crowd for signs of a pair of emerald eyes, and at last he found them. They were speaking to him; willing him to find his courage. Suddenly, knowing she was there, he remembered what he had to do.

"I'm James Potter," he introduced himself, unnecessarily.

Lily let slip a small laugh; as if anyone didn't know who he was…

"As you all know, Lord Voldemort is steadily gaining power," he said it as if he were merely commenting on the weather, but beneath it his voice was strong. There was a collective shudder throughout his audience; just the reaction he'd been going for.

"We're going to win," he declared. "I believe we're going to win. _Dumbledore _believes it. But to do that we need to shred our fear of Voldemort _now_. Don't be afraid of him. Don't give in to him. Everyone here has something he doesn't; we all have something to fight for. Why else would you be here?" James paused as he looked around at the Slytherins who had turned up, thinking that they must be the bravest among them. He saw that Snape was absent; he was sure that Lily must have seen this too. "I'll admit that I've always been unfairly prejudiced. Slytherins bad. Gryffindors good. I feel ashamed of myself. But I know some of you are guilty of that too…and some vice versa."

He saw Lily study him with an expression of mingled surprise and…admiration? He plunged on;

"Prejudice blinds us all; it stops us from seeing what's really important, in the same way that fear does. I'm asking you all to put aside your prejudice and your fear. I want to teach you, and to lead you so that you can be ready for his war. We're going to show him what we can do. If anyone can't do that, then go now…it's live together, die alone." he said; eyes ablaze.

No one in the crowd moved. He searched it for Remus and Sirius. Sirius smirked and nodded encouragingly, with a slight roll of the eyes, and Remus beamed with pride.

"Good," he continued, slightly nervously, when no one protested. "We can meet at least once a week, if not more. Dumbledore's given me permission to use the hall. I hope that I can teach you all to defend yourselves…and to give you the courage you need to face him. You're going to need it." He took another pause, his eyes leaving Lily's face for moments to search the rest of the paled expressions before him. "Let's get started."

Everyone rose to their feet, and drew out their wands.

"We're starting with a handy little spell; used for revealing someone who is concealed magically in one way or another. Nifty to see if there are any death eaters nearby," he said, smiling slightly. "If you need anything, come to either me, or Lily, Remus, Sirius, Peter, Emma or Lizzy. Okay, if you could get into pairs…" he waited for them to pair up. "Right. Lily's going to put an invisibility charm on one of you, and the other will practise the spell to reveal them. Here's the wand movement…"

And so passed the first of many meetings. It was a huge success; people were brought together, and James watched them all flourish before his eyes as they continuously improved. Not to mention the fact that it seemed to make Lily hate him much less; which was always a huge bonus. For her, she had seen a whole other side to him; she'd never known him to be passionate or at all serious in the same way before (barring quidditch). She still saw what she always had seen, but now opened her eyes enough to realise it was now only a part of him. In short, he'd grown up. _Better late than never, _she thought to herself. And yet when her thoughts strayed too far to the notion that the real James was perhaps different to the James she had built him up as in her mind, she felt embarrassed and uncomfortable, and therefore still forced herself to believe she was indifferent to it. But then that was what James loved about her so much; how stubborn she was. Even though he refused to admit it, maintaining that she drove him insane. Which she did; but that was what made him love her even more.

---

Two hours later and people were steadily leaving the hall, thanking James, the rest of the Marauders, or Lily and her friends as they went. It seemed that now there was some kind of a collective enthusiasm, and desire to fight; and James had created it.

"Well done, mate," said Sirius, coming over to him.

"Congrats," Lupin added, eyes twinkling.

"That was so cool, James," Peter said breathlessly.

"Thanks," James replied shortly, as levitated the house tables back into place. "D'you think it went okay?"

"Definitely. Your little speech," Sirius grinned. "It got me here," he clutched his chest overdramatically.

"Yeah, yeah…" James rolled his eyes, flushing a little.

"In all seriousness though, Prongs, I don't think I was the only one," Sirius said, tilting his head meaningfully over to where Lily and her friends stood, Emma and Lizzy clearly trying to engage a very unresponsive Lily in conversation. James' eyes lit up momentarily. But not for long.

"Yeah, right. We've barely spoken in weeks. It's pretty clear she wants me gone."

Remus chuckled.

"Wrong," he said. "Go and talk to her…I think she's waiting for you."

James stowed his wand in his robe pocket and geared himself up for it.

"Remember, _friends," _Remus said. "For now."

James nodded, solemnly. He did not care much whether they were friends or more than that for the moment. He just couldn't stand their head duties in silence anymore. He couldn't stand not hearing the sound of her voice, or her laugh or even her shout. Anything would be better than this. So, with that thought in mind, he slowly approached her where she was loitering by the doors.

"Hey, Evans," he said softly.

"Potter, make a move and I swear--"

"For Merlin's sake Evans, I wasn't going to," interrupted James impatiently.

"You weren't?" she asked, eyebrows furrowed. James could've sworn he detected a hint of disappointment in her eyes, but he pushed the thought aside.

"No."

"Oh."

There were a few moments of awkward silence. James ruffled his hair, and Lily sucked on her lower lip, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Then what do you want?" she finally said, looking up. He noticed she didn't say it an accusatory tone; she just spoke as though mightily confused.

"I want…" _You, _he thought to himself.

He trailed off; wondering what would happen if he finished off the sentence how it had started. He backtracked when he noticed her wand was still firmly in her grasp.

"You want what?"

"Okay," he shook his head. "Evans, I don't know what happened that night. I don't know why you did what you did, or why you acted the way you did the next day. All I do know is that…is that…I miss you." He hadn't planned on saying that, and she looked like she was going to get mad, so he hastily added;

"I'm not asking anything of you. Well, nothing much. I just…I think we should be friends."

"Friends?" she repeated, suspiciously.

"Don't you think this whole…you hating me thing is getting a little old?"

She just looked at him sceptically.

"Okay, maybe you don't. But I do. And I meant what I was saying up there," he gestured to where he had talked to the group. "We all need to be together in this. I had prejudices, but so do you. What real reason can you have for hating me anymore?"

The real reason was of course that she was in denial of feeling quite the opposite. But neither of them really knew that yet; or neither of them knew that they knew that. What she did know was that she did not like how he had made her feel that day, watching him make his big speech. She did not feel safe. She could not let him in.

"Potter!" she groaned. "You just don't give up do you?"

"Oh, Evans, drop the act!" he cried exasperatedly.

"See! You still think you're so much better than everyone else, you still think there's no earthly way I could refuse to be friends with you. You think you're perfect."

"Lily, I don't think I'm perfect and you know I don't! But you can't seriously think that there's any reason for us to fight anymore?"

"Yes! I do! How about because I hate you?!"

"No, you don't!" James snarled dangerously.

She laughed cruelly. "Oh, how wrong you are. I know you've only stopped hexing people for fun to impress me; I know you still think of yourself as the big man. Setting up a defence group for the greater good! Yeah, right Potter! It's just another opportunity to be the centre of attention, isn't it?"

Remus and Sirius could now hear every word. Remus sighed, putting his head in his hands, whilst Sirius watched confusedly. What on earth was the matter with her now? He wondered why James couldn't like a girl who was much more normal.

"Actually, Evans, Dumbledore asked me to do this! He told me not to tell them all it was my idea because it might panic them! Believe it or not, Evans I do care about this War and I do care that all these people are as safe as possible," James challenged.

She was silenced at last, and blushed furiously when she realised her mistake. _When McGonagall asked him to go to Dumbledore's…_

"It doesn't change anything," she finally said unconvincingly.

James now looked so angry, angry in a way she had never seen before. Perhaps on this occasion she might have pushed it too far…he looked almost dangerous. She opened her mouth to apologise quickly, but before she knew it she was being dragged out of the hall and thrown into an empty classroom. Once they were inside, she rubbed her wrist where he had been holding it rather painfully.

"What are you playing at now?" she asked him exasperatedly.

"SHUT UP!" he roared.

She did so. She would never admit it but she felt rather scared of him. He turned to her briefly, saw her expression, and started pacing the room.

"How dare you…" he muttered.

"Look, Potter, I'm sorry…I didn't realise…" She wasn't quite sure what had caused him to get so furious. She'd been rude to him many times in the past.

"It's not about that!" he cried. "Almost since I've known you, you've constantly shot me down…always this and that is wrong with me. I'm a nasty, arrogant person…have you ever considered the fact that you don't even know me? That day by the lake in fifth year…" He trailed off, his expression stony.

"You're using that against me? You were taunting one of my best friends!" she cried, heating up.

"HE CALLED YOU A MUDBLOOD!"

"Because you were attacking him! He was humiliated by you!"

James took a deep breath.

"He called you a mudblood before that, Evans. That's _why _I was attacking him."

Once again, Lily was silenced.

"Well, why didn't you tell me that?"

"D'you think you would've listened to me? No! Because you were too busy going on about how I hex people in the corridors just because I can--"

"--You did!"

"Mess up my hair because I think it's cool to look like I just got off my broomstick--"

"--You do, do that!"

"You were too busy telling me that I make you sick, to listen to a word I had to say!"

"I WAS ANGRY!" she screeched.

"WELL YOU'RE ALWAYS BLOODY ANGRY!"

She was so taken aback that she did not respond. She tore her gaze away from his eyes; which were ablaze with anger and frustration. He began once again his relentless pacing up and down as Lily watched him apprehensively out of the corner of her eye. She had never seen him truly angry with her before; it hurt her more than she'd like. Suddenly he turned to her;

"Evans, make your patronus," he instructed.

"I…uh…why?" she stammered.

"Just do it!" he snapped.

She decided that just this once, given how James fierce gaze almost made her knees give way, it might be best to obey.

"_Expecto patronum," _she muttered. Silver mist came out of her wand tip; but her full bodied patronus did not appear. She blushed, embarrassed at not being able to do the spell.

"_Expecto patronum," _she tried again.

Nothing.

"Evans, what memory are you using?" James asked intrusively, though Lily was extremely glad to see that his eyes and expression had softened to a degree as he watched her.

"I was thinking about Emma, Lizzy and I on our first night here together," she told him truthfully.

James shook his head.

"It needs to be stronger."

Lily cast around for what could be stronger than the happiness she had felt in that moment, though she knew that even that memory was tainted by her argument with her sister as they'd parted on platform 9 3/4s. Thinking furiously for a moment of true happiness, it kept coming back around to the same person; and the same night. Using that memory would mean accepting that it had actually happened…but James would never know, she reminded herself. Concentrating hard on how she had felt that night, how James had held her, how he had smelt, how beautiful he had made her feel…she said the incantation again; stronger this time.

"_Expecto patronum!" _

A silver doe erupted from her wand tip, and she and James both watched as it stood there in all its beauty; blinking up at them serenely through pearly eyes. Lily turned to look at James, wondering what was going to happen now. He was smiling…a very different smile which she had not often witnessed. He whipped out his wand, and still watching the doe, said:

"_Expecto patronum!"_

Out of James' wand came a handsome stag in all its glory. Lily gasped; _a stag and a doe…_She and James were both surprised when their two patroni started to chase one another playfully around the room and then embrace…James' stag gently nuzzling Lily's doe. Lily watched in amazement…it was so…_beautiful. _

James voice brought her out of her reverie.

"A person's patronus comes from their soul…it's a part of them." And Lily felt his full meaning. She tore her gaze away from the doe and stag to look into James' eyes. She saw that all trace of anger there had long been forgotten, replaced by pain and sadness. Their eyes locked, and an invisible beam of understanding shot between them. After several minutes Lily looked away; ashamed of herself. She forced herself to let go of her memory and her doe vanished. James still had not moved; he continued to study her, his expression unreadable; but after a minute or so his stag vanished too. Lily looked up to see why he still stood there so persistently and immediately looked away again. After what felt like a lifetime James moved for the door, and just before he left he said:

"You can't deny it forever, Evans."


	11. Start of Something New

**A/N thanks to those who reviewed/alerted/favourites and all that – you are all much loved! I hope you like this chapter, R&R my lovelies!**

**---**

Lily sat on the floor of her dormitory, painting Emma's toenails a violent shade of red, whilst Emma painted Lizzy's nails a pearly pink, and Lizzy painted Lily's nails a deep, rich auburn, reminiscent of the colour of her hair. It was a nail-painting triangle.

"He was angry with you? Like, really angry?" Emma asked, perplexed. To her recollection James had never gotten angry with Lily, despite how sometimes a vein had been visibly pulsating in his head when she was being particularly unpleasant to him.

"You can't exactly blame him. I think I've been even worse than usual to him recently, and I did get it wrong about the defence group," Lily said to them reasonably. Both of her friends turned to her with raised eyebrows and she hurried on, realising her mistake. "Of course, I'm not standing up for him…he was completely out of order, over the line, and…"

"Yeah, yeah," Lizzy smiled, rolling her eyes.

"So, can I ask you something Lils?" Emma asked.

"You just did," Lily smirked.

"Why didn't you just make friends with him?" Emma asked again, turning to study her friends' face as she answered.

"Why should I? I hate him more than life itself; self-important idiot--"

"--good leader, talented and caring. Completely in love with you--" Lizzy interrupted.

"--thinks he's so high and mighty," Lily continued. "Why on earth should I want to be friends with him?"

Emma had had her suspicions, but Lily's answer had confirmed it.

"You like him," she stated, with a small shrug of the shoulders.

"Excuse me?" Lily asked vehemently.

Lizzy's eyes widened in realisation at that point, and she and Emma shared an excited look.

"You do! You like Potter!" Lizzy cried. "That's why you won't be friends with him! You can't handle it!"

"I do not," Lily immediately countered.

"Prove it then," Emma replied. "Go and find him, and say you want to be friends."

Lily paused, glaring at her friend, before retorting;

"Fine! Maybe I will!" But she did not move, and simply resumed her work on Emma's nails.

"If you don't its only because you secretly luuuurve him," Emma joked.

"For Merlin's sake, Em, you're making it increasingly difficult to keep my breakfast down."

Emma laughed.

"Well, as it's the weekend, you do have the whole day ahead of you; and no head duties until nine…" Lizzy pressed. "Might as well go and find Potter now and seal the deal?"

"Maybe later," Lily replied coolly.

"Its kind of amazing about the patronus thing, isn't it?" Emma wondered aloud innocently.

"What is?" Lily's eyes narrowed.

"A doe and a stag…it _is_ like you're meant for each other."

Lily made a grab for her wand, and pointed it threateningly at Emma.

"Say one more thing like that, and I'll have to remind you forcibly of when I found out about that little exchange of my most embarrassing secrets with Potter down the charms corridor."

"Took me a week to find a counterspell for that little hex," Emma smiled fondly.

"One of my best," Lily nodded.

"Are you still having those dreams, Lils?" Lizzy asked suggestively.

Lily shook her head. "Not so much, now."

"Oh, really?" Emma asked slyly. Though Lily was a rather good liar, there were definite signs which stood out to the people who really knew her. Emma and James were perhaps the only ones to know what to look out for.

"Okay, maybe a little…"

Lizzy and Emma chuckled slightly, and their eyes met in silent agreement of a plan…

"Well, it obviously means your head over heels in love with him," Emma suddenly said. She could practically feel the heat radiating off of Lily's face.

"Don't be ridiculous," she scoffed unconvincingly.

"Emma's right…dreams…matching souls…" Lizzy said nonchalantly, casting Lily a teasing grin.

"The patronus thing doesn't mean anything! I'm sure lots of people have doe and stag patroni…" Lily said desperately. She did not like where the conversation was now heading.

"I suppose, you'd better prove it by going to make friends with him then…" Emma said, staring out of the window, biting her lip to refrain from laughing. Lily was so funny when she got caught in a tight corner.

"Why should I do that?" Lily asked, but they knew that she would do anything and everything to prove a point.

"If you don't, I think it counts as substantial evidence that you are in fact, in love with him. Don't you think so Em?" Liz asked, turning to her.

"I think it does, Liz," Emma nodded.

"Alright, alright! I'll go and call for a truce," Lily caved in exasperation.

Emma and Lizzy grinned at her from ear to ear, as she blew on her nails and stood up. They grinned still wider as she checked her appearance in the mirror before leaving; quickly arranging her hair and straightening out her skirt.

"Well done, my sneaky partner in crime," Emma said to Lizzy, through giggles, once Lily had gone.

"Hopefully once they've made friends Lily might come to her senses," Lizzy replied.

"Friends first," Emma nodded. "Lily will realise how she feels in the end."

"Or else, stop denying how she already knows she feels," Lizzy added, as she started to braid Emma's hair.

---

Lily descended the stairs from her dormitory at a snail's pace. She wondered how on earth she could ask James to be friends without risking the loss of her dignity, or else without ending up in an argument; resulting in her having to endure her friends' remarks on how she only didn't make friends because she was secretly in love with him. It really was a very unpleasant situation. But when it came down to it, Lily thought she would prefer to lose face to James than to her friends, after all, what did James matter? He was of such little consequence to her after all…and becoming friends wouldn't change anything…so she thought.

She finally arrived at the foot of the stairs and scanned the common room for signs of dishevelled black hair and a cheesy grin. She found him sprawled out across a sofa, absentmindedly running a hand through his hair, evidently in his own little world. He did not seem a part of the conversation between his friends that surrounded him; much to Lily's relief as she would not have to interrupt anything. Lily found herself smiling as she watched him push his glasses up his nose and continue to ruffle his hair, and hastened to straighten her face before she approached him.

When she was a foot away, James looked up, sensing her presence. '_Oh no…what fresh hell?' _he thought to himself miserably.

"Evans, sorry, but I'm really not in the mood for a fight today, so if you've come to nag I really don't--"

"Shut up, Potter," she interrupted. "Can I talk to you for a minute? No shouting, I promise."

He looked confused, and then the corners of his mouth twitched.

"Okay…"

"Will you come outside?" she gestured to the portrait hole.

James nodded and followed her out, wondering to what he owed this strange and unexpected civility. The rest of the Marauders watched him go with equal interest. Once in the corridor outside, James stood facing Lily, studying her expression. She seemed to be struggling with herself. He found himself wondering if she was going to ask him out, following the patronus incident. When he had told Remus that had happened he had insisted it would have scared her…he would dearly love to be able to prove him wrong. Suddenly;

"Potter, I think we should be friends." Her tone was notably forced.

James felt his heart sink, but gave himself a mental kick for letting himself even consider that she might go any further. A second later, and he was basking in the triumph of this remarkable offer of friendship. _It's the first step…_

"You do?" he asked, beaming.

"Well, yes. You were right; there is no reason for us not to be anymore. Plus, we spend a lot of time together as Heads, and this way everything will be much easier…also what you said at the first defence meeting, you were right, we all need to be together in this."

Lily didn't know where these words had all come from, but she found she believed every one. James' smile was widening further by the second. Lily suddenly noticed how the corners of his eyes crinkled when he was really happy…she also noticed that it was very becoming on him.

"Evans, I do not care how stubborn you are. You are now not allowed to change your mind, we are henceforth on friendly terms," James told her.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. He held out his hand which she shook, briefly smiling back at him. His touch sent an electric shock up her arm; and she withdrew quickly. He looked surprised and hurt; interpreting it as Lily simply not wanting to shake hands with him for more than a millisecond. He recovered quickly, as he always did.

"Good. Friends, then," and he began to walk off, but not before he heard her say "friends," under her breath.

---

Of course this forced friendship did not mean that they annoyed each other any less. They still regularly argued over breakfast, lunch and dinner. In the common room, while patrolling, during their meetings with Dumbledore, during James' defence classes and when they sat by the lake with their friends. But through this they had developed a fondness and attachment to each other which was, for the most part, unromantic. The friendship meant that Lily felt safe enough to trust him, and after a while she began to. While James still had high hopes of one day getting married and having lots of sex and babies, as he spent more time in her company he got to know her in a completely different way. She was no longer unattainable…she was a friend. A person. And though he found himself falling for her more and more each day, he realised he had her built up in his mind a little differently to how she really was. Once she had fully succumbed to being friends with him, when she finally opened up, he discovered she was really quite a laugh. On Lily's side, as time went by she saw more of what she had glimpsed in his first defence meeting; but she still convinced herself she only liked him as a friend. And through their new friendship, others were formed. Remus, Sirius, Peter and James were now rarely to be seen without Lizzy, Emma and Lily. They all felt happy and comfortable in their new group, although Sirius still maintained the view of "Marauders forever," which of course they would be. Years from now, a young man named Harry Potter would be telling his children the tales of Moony, Padfoot and Prongs. Wormtail would be lost along the way; but that would be a different tale indeed.

Several weeks later found the girls, Sirius and Remus settled around the fire; attempting to get some work done. Unfortunately, the NEWTs were now only months away, and all of their teachers had begun to up the workload.

"Lily, help me!" Lizzy begged. "Pleeeeease? You are the most intelligent, wonderful…_talented _student, especially at charms--"

Sirius let out a snort from next to Emma, and Remus rolled his eyes. "Put her out of her misery, Lily," he said.

Lily snatched her essay from her hands and began skim reading it. Lizzy gave a satisfied smile.

"Liz, you're going to have to read a little more if you want to improve, you know," Lily told her carefully. "There's kind of pivotal stuff missing here."

"Well, if you just write the beginning, I'll learn it, and then finish it off?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine. Deal. But just the beginning," she insisted.

She had begun crossing out and correcting, adlibbing and annotating just as James scrambled through the portrait hole after a detention with Hutchinson. His eyes landed on Lily, who was obviously hard at work. Her eyebrows were knitted together in concentration, and she was biting her lip subconsciously. The sight of her like this made his heart beat that little bit faster. But he tried to ignore it as best he could; Lily thought they were friends, and for the moment, that would do.

He took a seat on the rug near to Lily's chair, as there were no seats still available and greeted his friends warmly.

"Hey, James," chorused Emma and Lizzy, while the Marauders all lazily replied; "Prongs."

"Potter," Lily said. It was no longer her cold, uncivil and harsh "Potter", it was teasing and friendly. And better yet, she delivered it with a smile.

"Charms, I see. Tut tut Evans…you haven't finished your charms homework for tomorrow? Not up to your usual standards!"

"Actually, Potter, this is Liz's essay," she countered. "I finished mine three days ago," she added delicately.

"But of course," he grinned. "Don't be a pushover, Evans. Liz can do her own homework."

"I'm not a push-over; I'm helping out a friend. I understand that this is a concept lost on some people."

"Seems to me that if you do her work for her, she's never going to learn anyway."

"Maybe she just needs a bit of encouragement, Potter."

Lizzy and Emma were watching the exchange in great amusement. These little bickers between Lily and James frequented the time they spent together; but everyone except they themselves knew it was only because they were crazy about each other. Everyone except else knew it was because their chemistry was undeniable; something meant they could never be apart, and yet they could never be together without some kind of a clash. They were stuck with each other, and Lizzy, Emma, Sirius, Peter and Remus knew it would be only a matter of time before one of them realised it. For now, watching them argue over petty things such as this provided much-needed entertainment for the rest of the group.

"Encouragement is not the same as actually doing it for her, Evans," James smirked. "Or maybe it's because you enjoy being the studious little bright spark?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Admit it, Evans," James teased. "You love being the one everyone turns to for help. Maybe I'm not the only one who enjoys attention."

"Go away, Potter, you're distracting me," she said, though she struggled to restrain a smile as she did.

"Distracting you? That can only mean one thing, my Lilyflower, and that is you obviously want to--"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Potter, or I will demonstrate my uncanny ability with a hurling hex the next time I watch one of your Quidditch matches. And if you want us to remain friends kindly refrain from using that nickname."

"Always so violent," Sirius joked.

"You're still not going to sugar-coat your retorts are you?" James smiled fondly.

"Not for you," she replied fondly in return, shoving him lightly on the arm. They looked at each other for a second longer, before Lily turned back down towards Liz's charms homework._ We're just friends…_she told herself firmly. Emma and Lizzy shared a meaningful glance once again.

Lily had softened and even James himself had noticed it. She was no longer spiteful, bitter and harsh…she was teasing him. And had James known enough about girls to realise it; flirting. Very, very subtly. Not that she was doing it intentionally, or even consciously. It was a part of their chemistry. When he had made friends with Lily James had forgotten all about his little black book; which lay unused by his bed. This meant he was no longer studying or trying to understand girls, which was a mistake as it would not be _too _long before he found out that no relationships were easy. March passed in a haze of Head duties, defence classes, homework and laughs. Then on the morning of the 3rd of April, everything changed.

---

**A/N I like this chapter; I think that this is what would've probably happened, friends first and all that. And now, cliffieeeee. REWIEW! **


	12. April Fools

**A/N Much love to Lilyflower101, Phoenix Tears of Life, and thefatlady44 for your reviews, and thanks to all who alerted/favourited!**

**------------------------**

_Previous Chapter:_

_March passed in a haze of Head duties, defence classes, homework and laughs. Then on the morning of the 3rd of April, everything changed._

-----

James awoke to the sound of an irritating tapping on the window near his bed, and grudgingly opened his eyes, though they seemed determinedly glued together. He lay there for a few moments, waiting for his brain and vision to catch up, and then moved over to the window to let in the owl that waited there. It flew into the room, depositing a letter onto the foot of James' bed and then took off again without hesitation. James rubbed his eyes, wondering fleetingly why this letter hadn't been delivered to him with the usual morning post, and tore open the envelope, recognising his Fathers' handwriting at once.

_James,_

_I wanted this letter to reach you before the morning post delivered the papers; we felt we needed to warn you before your friend Lily finds out._

James' stomach lurched as he read on.

_There has been an attack; I enclose a copy of the prophet's article. Though the minister has been continuously insisting that nothing is wrong, this time he was not in a position to stop this from leaking out. It has come as a tragic shock to us all; try to comfort Lily as best you can; from what you tell us she's strong, she'll be ok. This is it, James; these attacks and the disappearances within the ministry…it means the war has started. Dumbledore has written to us about what you're doing down at Hogwarts for the students; your Mother and I couldn't be more proud. Watch your back, keep on your guard. Write us back soon,_

_Dad_

It was with trembling hands that James reached out for the second piece of parchment, and slowly unfolded the article which had been torn from the Daily Prophet. By the time he reached the end of it he felt about ready to vomit. He then pictured Lily reading it, and felt his heart jump into his throat. He hastened to conjure up three jugs of water and pour them unceremoniously over the occupants of the other three beds with a flick of his wand. Remus and Peter jerked awake, angrily crying;

"What the hell?" and "James!"

Sirius just slept on. James was unperturbed, he proceeded to levitate himto the ceiling, using the spell _levicorpus,_ and held him there upside down by the ankle. Sirius woke when all the blood had eventually rushed to his head, and seeing that he was apparently floating in mid-air, cried out:

"PRONGS!"

James released him, and turned to Remus as Sirius crashed back down onto his mattress.

"Moony, look," he said, voice shaking. He handed him both the letter and the article, and watched as the colour slowly drained from Lupin's face. When he had finished, he looked up at James, and they exchanged worried glances.

"What'sgoinon?" Sirius slurred sleepily.

Remus passed the pieces of paper to him, and where Remus had whitened, Sirius reddened, his expression a mark of hatred. James understood why; his own cousin had been involved…Sirius stood up, and began pacing the room, muttering to himself under his breath.

"Er…guys, what's happening?" Peter asked in a small voice.

"Oh, sorry, Pete," Remus said. "Here."

Peter had not failed to notice that in recent times he seemed to be more and more out of it. He felt increasingly inadequate and afraid of being rejected by the rest as the days went by. He read the letter and the prophet's story, and instead of feeling appalled and disgusted by it like his friends, he merely felt terrified.

"What are we going to do about Evans and Stevens?" Sirius asked the others, looking up.

James started, he had not considered the fact that Emma too was a muggleborn; so preoccupied he was in protecting his Lily. He gulped, "What_ can_ we do? How would you feel right now if you were muggleborn?"

"Prongs, your Dad's right, Lily's strong, she'll be alright," Remus consoled.

"You think?"

The rest nodded. "What about Emma?" Sirius asked.

"Same goes," James replied.

"They'll be up soon…" James said, looking at his clock. "I should go down to breakfast now…make sure I'm with her when she sees…"

"Let's go," Sirius said and Remus nodded. Peter made no reply but followed suit anyway.

---

Lily groaned as her alarm clock sounded loudly near her ear like a robot bird. She violently whacked the snooze button and swore as the clock fell to the ground and smashed in two. She felt around her bedside table for her wand, and repaired the it with an airy wave. Having struggled to open her eyes, she looked around the room at the sleeping forms of her friends. She dragged herself out of bed and began to shake them awake one by one, ignoring their groaning protests.

Twenty minutes later and Lily was still oblivious to what had happened as she, Emma and Lizzy made their way down to the Great Hall, laughing and chatting merrily. She received a slight shock as she sat down for breakfast as she saw that the Marauders were all up already; including Sirius.

"Morning!" she greeted happily. Looking at James she noticed immediately that he was deathly pale, and when he tried to smile warmly to her it did not quite reach his eyes.

"Morning, Stevens," Sirius spoke directly to Emma, and Lily then noticed his expression mirrored James'. The girls exchanged perplexed looks.

"Lily, something's happened," James said seriously, before she had a chance to ask.

"What is it?" she asked, concerned, putting the jug of pumpkin juice she had been about to pour back down on the table.

James opened his mouth to speak, but just then, hundreds of owls flew into the Hall, each carrying parcels, letters and _Daily Prophets_ for their owners. Lily saw James' face fall and tighten with the arrival of the morning post. She was really beginning to worry, now.

"James what on earth is the matter?"

He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, just as her beautiful Tawny owl, Truffles, dropped a copy of today's _prophet_ in front of her. James looked from it to Lily and back again, before he reached forward, glanced briefly at the front page and wincing, and handed it to Lily.

"Read this, Evans," he said, avoiding her gaze. He thought she needed to know, and he knew she would hate it to be kept in the dark, that she would hate it to feel patronised or protected. Emma looked at Sirius questioningly; what was he not telling her? "You too, Emma..." James told her. None of the boys seemed to be able to meet their eyes for more than a fraction of a second. Lizzy however was simply helping herself to scrambled eggs as none of the Marauders seemed to be so concerned with her. Lily took the paper and the headline jumped out at her immediately. She felt as though someone had replaced her blood with ice cold water as she read the article, and Emma, who was reading over her shoulder felt much the same.

**VIOLENT ATTACKS ON EIGHT MUGGLEBORN WIZARDS TERRIFIES THE NATION**

_**It has been revealed by the Ministry of Magic's most highly acclaimed Aurors that in the early hours of yesterday Morning, eight Muggleborn wizards were attacked in the centre of London by You-Know-Who's supporters, the organisation naming itself the "Death Eaters". It is believed by the Aurors investigating the case that the victims had been about to disapparate home when assaulted, and the attackers are suspected to perhaps be infiltrated within the Ministry itself. It has now been confirmed that one of the eight has survived, but is being held in critical condition at St. Mungo's, her family are now awaiting news. The Ministry regrets to announce that the other seven victims have been tragically murdered at the hands of You-Know-Who's closest supporters, but would like to assure the public that this attack is indeed a one off.**_

_**Evidence suggests that the victims had been tortured with the cruciatus curse before being killed; as shown by the results of the post-mortem from St. Mungo's which were received late yesterday evening. It is believed that there were nine attackers overall, and the Ministry's Aurors have successfully captured seven of the nine; who are now being held in custody awaiting trial to decide on their immediate removal to Azkaban. The final two, who were said to have put up a great struggle, were believed to be Bellatrix Lestrange , and a Wizard who is for the time being, unidentified. The ministry is currently looking into the identity of the unknown Death Eater; and is certain that they shall successfully capture both within the next few days.**_

_**A ministry official, speaking to the **_**Prophet **_**a few hours after the attack, assures the public that:**_

"**We do not believe this attack should suggest that You-Know-Who is a threat to the wizarding world as such, we are quite sure it is only his supporters attempting to threaten and terrify the community. We are highly confident that this attack is an anomaly and once we have captured Lestrange and her temporarily unidentified companion, this tragic incident will be behind us all."**

_**While we await further news, the Ministry would not wish to alarm our readers; only to offer its condolences for those who have suffered a loss, and to honour the memories of Olivia Harrison, Edward Skinner, Oswald Greenwich, Alex Payne, Miranda Giles, Jonathan Gardiner and Anthony Stuart. Rest assured that those responsible will pay for the lives they took, and peace will be restored once again.**_

**Reported by Alicia Kennedy**

At this point, Lily looked up to James who was watching her closely, and gaped noiselessly. He nodded understandingly, eyes wide with concern.

"They think this is an anomaly…? How can they talk about these people as if it's…as if it's so…casual?" she asked, her voice cracking as she searched James' eyes for any source of comfort.

Beside her, Emma had finished reading and was shaking either with fear or anger…or both. Sirius had been watching her anxiously, but as he reached out to her she moved out of his way and ran from the hall, Sirius immediately hastening to follow. Lily stared at her plate for a second longer, and James saw with horror that her eyes were filled with tears. He felt at a complete loss of what to do or say…Suddenly, she got to her feet and ran from the hall, James right behind her. Lizzy also made to follow, having now scanned the article too, but Remus pulled her back down gently;

"Let them have a moment," he told her softly. She nodded and placed a head on his shoulder.

---

James followed Lily out into the grounds, where he saw she was collapsed under the beech tree, staring at the ground; a silent tear rolling down her cheek. The sight of her broke his heart. She looked up as she saw him approach, and jumped up to walk away; but he caught her by the wrist.

"No---Potter, let---me---go!" she cried.

She wrenched her wrist out of his grasp, and tried to run again, but he caught her around the waist instead. After a minute of struggling in vain against him she simply collapsed into his arms and sobbed uncontrollably into his chest. He stroked her hair and hugged her close to him.

"It's okay," he consoled, knowing and hating that his words were empty.

"It's started hasn't it?" she asked him quietly through a blocked nose.

"Yeah…" he whispered to her.

"James, I'm scared," she admitted, sobbing harder than ever.

"I know, Lily. But I promise," he said firmly. "I won't ever let anything happen to you. Not while I'm still breathing anyway." He felt her relax a little at his words, as she took in a slow, deep breath.

"I can't believe…the _Prophet…_as if it was nothing…" she muttered.

"The ministry has a heavy influence over it…the Minister seems to think it best that they lie to keep people happy," and Lily could hear the resentment in his voice.

"Well, we know the truth," she said.

"We do," he nodded. "Please don't cry my flower. I'll always protect you."

"I believe you."

"Well, that's a first," he smiled, and she let slip a small chuckle.

They stood there swaying on the spot for a long while; until Lily's crying subsided and she felt comforted and strengthened by his holding her. Eventually, she broke away and looked up at him; their eyes locking together. Lily suddenly realised how hypnotising those hazel eyes really were…how expressive and wonderful…

He took a step closer to her, and she immediately took a step back, shaking her head slowly at him.

"It's okay," he grinned. "I wasn't going to kiss you."

"Oh."

"Sad about that, are we?"

"Potter, for heaven's sake," she laughed.

He smiled and kissed her lightly on the forehead, remaining ignorant to how it made her shiver, before draping an arm around her shoulders and leading her back up to the castle.

---

**A/N. WAR!! But, I think Lily's finally breaking down a little, even though he was only comforting her as a friend here…it won't be too long now! Well…anyway hope you liked the chapter! Review! **


	13. Winning Points

**A/N you'll probably like this chappie…review!**

---

The night of the daily prophet report, Lily, Emma, Lizzy and the Marauders stayed up late, talking into the night. None of them felt they wanted to be alone; or that they would be able to sleep. That is to say, until Lizzy started nodding off in her chair and Remus had to carry her up to bed; at which point the staircase turned into a slide and they both collapsed in a heap on the common room floor. She woke up with a start, looked around and started laughing along with the rest as Remus swore, rubbing his (Lizzy noticed rather nicely rounded) backside. Lily felt as though laughing was a strange feeling that day…like it was wrong. After the slide incident, Lizzy bade Remus goodnight with a kiss on the cheek, then one by one Emma, Sirius and Peter slowly headed off to bed; until only James and Lily were left sitting next to each other on the floor in front of the fire. James sensed Lily needed him, and he needed her back; on an impulse, he reached out for her hand. To his utter astonishment, she did not object to it, hex him, or shout at him; in fact, she gave him a small smile and gave his hand a little squeeze. They sat in comfortable silence until tiredness took them both; and they drifted off to sleep still hand in hand.

Lily did not sleep well. Images of death eaters, flashes of green light…and the cries of a baby…suddenly she was following the stag once more…this time watching as he disappeared through the tunnel entrance at the foot of the whomping willow…she moved forward to follow…and then the death eaters were closing around her. But this time she was not alone; a handsome young man with jet black hair and determined hazel eyes stood by her side, holding her hand. Together they fought back the death eaters…they were victorious…

Lily jerked awake suddenly from her dreams and stared around, vaguely registering that she was in the common room and that she had an awful crick in her neck. She made to rub her eyes but found one of her hands was still clasped tightly in James'. She smiled down at his sleeping form, and gently prised her hand from his grip. He grumbled objectively, but then simply turned over onto his other side, still fast asleep.

"_Wingardium Leviosa" _she whispered. She lowered him gently onto the nearest couch, and covered him with a blanket. She then took up an armchair and sat curled in ball; meditating on her dreams.

"…_When in doubt…I find retracing one's steps, a wise place to begin…"_

She heard Dumbledore's words echo in her ears as if on a loop. Retrace her steps? What steps? It was a dream! …_the willow…_she realised. _The whomping willow, I'm supposed to go there…_ She then wondered what on earth a stag had to do with it…why it continually appeared in her dreams. With a jolt she suddenly thought of something else; James' patronus was a stag. James and the whomping willow…James was hiding something from her? But why were the death eaters involved…was James in danger?

"_You'll never get there unless you find out the truth…"_

She remembered that eerie voice from the very first dream she had had all those weeks ago. Something was telling her she had to go there, something was telling her she needed to find out the truth…about James and the whomping willow? Lily almost laughed at how ridiculous the idea sounded, and so decided to put it out of her mind for the time being. She sat lost in her thoughts a little while longer, until she drifted off to sleep once again, this time undisturbed and peaceful.

---

Sunlight streamed into the common room, casting a blinding ray across James' face so that he wriggled awake, eyes scrunched together. Fellow Gryffindors were chatting merrily as they bypassed him, presumably all on their way down for breakfast, and when he saw Lily had gone he realised he must have slept in late. He hastened up to his dormitory and saw Sirius snoring loudly in the corner, unperturbed by the movement of his surroundings. Remus wandered in from the bathroom towelling his hair, whilst Peter struggled through stacks of dirty washing piled high on the floor in search of any sort of weekend wear.

"Morning Prongs," Remus smiled.

"Moony," James grinned. "What are you up to Pete?"

"Searching for underwear," he replied.

"In the dirty laundry?"

"Better than going commando."

James just shuddered and quickly changed, brushed his teeth and bolted for the door.

"Wait, James?" Remus called. "We're on for tonight, right?"

James smirked, "are you asking me out on a date, Moony old pal?"

Remus rolled his eyes before replying, "Full moon, remember?"

James laughed, "Of course I remember! Are you off now then?"

Remus nodded, "I'll see you later."

"Later," James replied with an airy wave.

Lily looked up from her pancakes to see James plonk himself opposite her with a soft, "Hey, Evans," to which she replied with a grin, as he start digging into a plate of bacon and eggs. She watched him eat, smiling sheepishly, until he looked up at her with his eyebrows raised questioningly. She shook her head in reply and turned back to her conversation with Emma; but as she listened to Emma's long rant about how impossibly arrogant Sirius was Lily could still feel James' gaze fixed upon her.

"…and it's not like I asked him to, you know?" Emma was saying. "He just comes up to me, asks me out, and I of course say no, so then d'you know what he did, Lils?"

"What?" she replied dully.

"He got mad," Emma said dramatically.

"He got mad?" Lily repeated, barely listening.

Emma continued, talking to herself more than anyone else, and Lily and James shared an amused look.

"Oh, James?" she asked him, remembering something as Emma looked up affronted at being interrupted.

"Mmm?"

"Remember our meeting with Dumbledore tonight," she said.

"Our what now?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Knew you'd have forgotten," she laughed. "Head duties…you know we're going over the Hogsmeade weekend plans for next term?"

James just ogled at her…_head duties…_how could he have forgotten? He had lied about Remus' "furry little problem" to Lily before, and Dumbledore knew of course, but for some reason this time it seemed much harder to come up with a plausible reason. Nevertheless, however much he did not want to lie to Lily he would never betray his friend's secret; he had still not forgotten that remarkable dream she had had.

"I don't think I can make it, Lils."

"What d'you mean?" she asked, eyebrows furrowing.

"I have to…" he stalled for time. "Uh, I have to…help out a friend," he said lamely, happy that he had managed not to lie.

"Help out a friend?" her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Right you are, Evans," he said, reached out to serve himself a second helping.

"Care to vague that up a little for me?" she asked sarcastically.

A smile played across his lips at this and instead of answering he chuckled softly. After waiting in vain for him to respond she went on;

"Dumbledore might be a little annoyed at you skipping your duties to "help out a friend"," she said.

"Oh no, he won't," James replied a little too quickly, "He'll understand, no worries, Evans."

"I see," she said shortly.

He just grinned nervously. She paused a moment, and then decided to drop all pretence.

"James, what are you actually doing tonight?"

But at this he stood up, giving an excuse about needing to go to the library and quickly bustled from the hall. She watched him go wondering what on earth he was so desperate to keep from her; anything with him and library in the same sentence had to be a lie, surely? And what about his lame "helping out a friend," excuse? He was hiding something from her…

---

Lily attended the meeting with Dumbledore alone that night, and was relieved when it passed much quicker than she had anticipated. The plan for Hogsmeade weekends had taken little over ten minutes, and the remainder of the time was spent in pleasant conversation between Dumbledore and herself. However pleasant it had been she was glad to be away early enough so that she might be able to discover what James was up to. He had been right for one thing; Dumbledore certainly had not worried when he had not turned up. When she had arrived, he did not even ask her where he was. She had brought him up herself, saying;

"Sorry, Professor, James couldn't come…he said that he--"

"Oh, not to worry, Miss Evans. I understand he had to help out a friend?"

Lily started, and replied:

"Yes…that was what he said."

Dumbledore had merely nodded, smiling crookedly.

Lily arrived at the portrait hole with her head still full of James, gave the password "_timeo pericula_," and scrambled through to the common room, scanning it for signs of James and his cronies. To her surprise, not one of the Marauders was present. She checked her watch and saw that it was only eight-thirty, there was no chance they were in bed yet. Her suspicions increased further…where were they all? Perhaps down at the pitch…but one glance out of the window to her left proved it to be entirely empty.

Her eyes landed on Emma and Lizzy who were chatting animatedly, seated by the windows on the far side. She made her way over to them, and greeted them warmly before settling down beside Emma.

"Em?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"D'you know where…" She had been about to say 'D'you know where James is?' but decided to redirect the question at the last minute. "D'you know where Sirius is?"

Emma shook her head.

"I'm avoiding him," she replied shortly.

"Remus gave some weird excuse about having to make sure someone was safe…and then took off this morning," Lizzy put in.

"And I lied," Emma confessed. "Sirius made an excuse to leave about a quarter of an hour ago…"

"He did?" Lily asked excitedly.

The girls nodded and Lizzy asked "Why, what's up?"

"Well…okay don't read anything into this," she told them, "but I think James is keeping something from me. And I think it involves Sirius and Remus too,"

"You do?" Emma asked.

"Yeah…he made a ridiculous excuse to get out of Head duties this morning, and now I think about it, they all seem to make excuses to get out of things sometimes and disappear…all at the same time…like once a month," she said.

Emma racked her brains. "You're right," she said slowly.

"What do you think it is?" Lizzy asked.

"I don't know," Lily replied, "but I might know a way to find out," she said standing up. She had made up her mind; she should go to the Whomping Willow. If nothing happened and her dreams were simply the eternal mystery that was her brain then what did it matter? And if not…well then she would find out…

"We're coming," Emma said, standing too.

"Oh, no, no," Lily dismissed. "I might be wrong and besides, if they're so eager to keep it from us maybe you guys shouldn't know?"

She didn't know why she wanted her friends away from this but something told her they shouldn't come.

"Oh, right. But it's okay that you find out?" asked Emma, her voice tinged with annoyance.

"Well...I am the one who suspects them," she replied.

"Oh, so we're not important enough to be involved?" Emma snarled.

"Okay, make you a deal, if I find out anything I'll come back and get you?" Lily suggested tentatively.

"What on earth is the point of that?" Lizzy joined in.

"I'm not discussing it!" Lily heated up, silencing them. "Just stay here, I'll come back," she lied, having no intention whatsoever of coming back. She left quickly so as to avoid further argument and headed out into the grounds.

The cold hit her suddenly as she stepped down onto the front lawn from the stone steps, giving her Goosebumps and making her wince as several shivers ran down her spine. Hugging her cloak closely to herself, and drawing it up around her neck, she walked across the sloping lawns to the Whomping Willow. Unlike in her dream, the tree was in full motion; she could not see how anyone would be able to get anywhere near the thing without being torn limb from limb. She peered around through the wind for signs of life, but it seemed she was all alone. Sighing, she did the only thing which came to mind;

"_Immobulus,"_ she whispered to the air, pointing her wand at the willow. It immediately ceased to move, and she felt safe enough to take a few steps closer. As she approached, something which she had never noticed before, probably owing to the distraction of the wild and vicious tree flailing its branches everywhere, caught her eye. There was a small hole at the foot of the tree; large enough for a human to slide into (or a stag), which seemed to be the entrance to the tunnel she had dreamt about. Satisfied that with her spell, she took a few cautious steps closer, her curiosity winning her over, and inspected the tunnel entrance closer.

"_Lumos," _she muttered. The light only reached a few feet ahead of her; all she saw was a dank and dirty tunnel, which she thought seemed hospitable enough.

She went head first into it, bent double to avoid whacking her head on the earthy ceiling, and slowly progressed through it; wand aloft. She followed this path for what seemed like an eternity until it began to slope upwards. She panted her way up the hill until she reached a trap door. She wondered where on earth she could be by now…she seemed to have come at least a mile; perhaps she was somewhere in Hogsmeade?

She eyed the trap door apprehensively, wondering what mess her deranged dream might lead her into. _But James is there…_she thought to herself, _he would never lead me anywhere dangerous…unless _he's _in danger…in which case I have to help him. _Steeling herself, she took a deep breath, and slowly eased open the trapdoor by a fraction of a millimetre. Heart thudding in her ears, she put her eyes to the gap and took in the surroundings. She seemed to be underneath an ancient, long forgotten house in desperate need of a face lift. Looking around a dusty corridor she realised with a jolt that it must have been the shrieking shack…which was rumoured to be haunted. However, Lily thought that the paw prints on the grimy floors appeared to have been made by something very solid. Gulping, she pushed the door open a little further, and it creaked dangerously. She froze, waiting for some sort of dreadful monster to leap out at her, but nothing came. She eased the door open again, inch by inch, as quietly as possible; until she could squeeze herself through the gap. Once out of the door and standing in the hallway, she edged along the walls, grateful for the thick layer of dust which muffled her footsteps. She came to a stairway and stood in front of it; silently debating with herself. She decided that she would venture up it, but cast a disillusionment charm on herself first. She tapped her head sharply with her wand, and felt the sensation of something like an egg breaking over her head and trickling down her back. She looked down at her body, and saw an exact replica of the moth-eaten curtains she stood in front of. She was completely camouflaged. Filled with shaky courage, she slowly ascended the stairs. Filled with courage until she arrived on the landing, where she heard a terrifying howl. It was pained, and dreadful, but fierce and terrifying. She spun around to face the end of the corridor at which it was coming from; she needed to help whoever it was. All of a sudden, in the place of the shrieks of pain and anger there was a mad scuffling and scurrying around; a wild animal? She froze with fear as she realised there was more than one…two…maybe three? And then…a wolf howled to the moon. She was standing stock still, paralysed by fear, when the most incredible and unlikely combination of creatures came bounding out of a room at the end of the hall. A shaggy black dog the size of a giant tiger and reminiscent of the Grim, a white stag which had a rat clinging between his antlers, and…and….

The third creature howled once more, and began thrashing against the walls of the house angrily. _A werewolf? _She still could not move, and was now eternally grateful that she had cast her disillusionment spell. But in that split second of paralysis she noticed the stag was looking directly into her eyes; as was the dog. The werewolf did not seem to have noticed her as yet, which she thought was to be expected as she was invisible. But the stag and the dog knew her…they could see her…she suddenly felt sick as realisation hit her…_they can smell me. _Seconds later, the werewolf became a little less ignorant of her presence…and Lily gasped in horror as it ran at her on all fours, but the dog blocked its way, barking and pushing it back. She looked back at stag helplessly; she felt as though it may somehow keep her safe…its eyes were telling her something. Absurd as though it seemed to her, she knew the stag was telling her _Run, Lily. _It seemed to awaken her, and she did so without a moment's hesitation, just as the werewolf suddenly broke free from the dog, and the stag launched itself at it instead. She heard the howls of the wolf and the stag from behind but did not stop running until she had arrived, panting and sweating at the foot of the willow once more. Thankfully her spell was still active and the tree did not lash out at her as she lay gasping for breath on the grassy floor. Suddenly, she heard movement from within and jumped to her feet; heading straight for the castle. But she was not quick enough, something warm and soft grabbed her around the wrist and in her blind panic she did not stop to realise it was human. She yelped and wrenched her wrist free, not daring to look back, until;

"Lily?" a strangled voice called to her.

She stopped and spun around;

"James?"

He rushed over to her, eyes darting all around her body, his hands clasped tightly around her shoulders.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" he asked, urgently.

"I'm fine…the stag and the dog…they headed it off…" she replied frantically. She had still not added two and two together as James enveloped her in a tight hug, kissing the top of her head. As she held onto him, listening to his racing heart, it suddenly dawned on her.

"Your patronus…" she said slowly, breaking away. "Your patronus is a stag…_it was you?"_

"We need to talk," he said, after a long silence. "Let's go back up to the castle, its not safe out…"

She nodded numbly, and followed him back up. They walked in silence, and it was a while before Lily realised they were not headed for the common room.

"Where're we going?" she asked him hoarsely.

"Room of requirement," he told her shortly. "We can't be overheard,"

She nodded beside him but did not speak.

James walked past the stretch of corridor opposite the painting of the dancing trolls three times, and led by the arm Lily into an abandoned classroom. He released her and began pacing the floor front of her. It reminded her forcibly of the patronus incident.

"James, what on earth is going on?"

"What the hell were you doing there?!" he shouted.

"Was that a…?" she asked him, completely disregarding his question.

"Werewolf, yes," James finished abruptly.

"And you're a…"

"Animagus, yes."

He heaved a great sigh and said;

"Evans, you have to promise me you won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you? Not even Lizzy and Emma…do you promise?"

She nodded solemnly. "Won't tell a soul."

"Okay," he began. "It started second year…well for Remus it started long before that," he let out a nervous laugh. "Remus was bitten by a werewolf when he was young…he must have been ecstatic the day he got his letter; it's unheard of for headmasters to allow for a werewolf at their school. Arrangements were made, the willow was planted so that Remus could transform in the shrieking shack, keeping all the students safe from harm, and ensuring that Remus could learn magic. After an entire year of vague suspicions, Sirius began to properly notice Remus always left at the same time each month; every time with stupid excuses, much like the one I attempted to give you this morning! I'm sorry, Lils, I just didn't want to lie to you," he paused. "But anyway, Sirius told me he had noticed Remus disappeared once a month, always on the _full moon_. Remus almost always seemed worn out, ill and exhausted once he returned from "visiting his aunt in hospital," or "looking after his sick Mother,"…so we put two and two together and realised that he was a werewolf. Obviously, we didn't tell him we knew straight away; we didn't want to worry him…"

Lily looked on, trying her best to digest such information, and after a moment James continued.

"We began researching werewolves in the library. We found out that when in isolation if they have no one to…attack…they can attack themselves. We assumed that was why Remus always came back with nasty gashes and bruises…and we felt so badly for him, we knew we had to help. After a month of looking up book after book, we discovered that being around animals can take away some of the vicious nature of the werewolf. They don't harm other animals; they'll only try to bite humans. That was when Sirius and I thought up the idea of becoming Animagi…"

"You actually did it? You're an animagus?" she asked, evidently still in disbelief.

James transformed into a stag and back before her very eyes.

"We actually did," he said. "It took us until fourth year to perfect the transformation. I became a stag, Sirius transformed into a dog, and Peter into a rat."

Lily's eyes widened with a sudden understanding.

James nodded, "Moony is Remus, Wormtail is Peter, Padfoot is Sirius and Prongs is me…"

"But McGonagall took ten years to complete the transformation…when she was a fully qualified witch!"

James just shrugged. "We had a purpose, I suppose…after that we accompanied Remus whenever he transformed. It stops him from harming himself and makes the whole ordeal much less unpleasant…it's actually something to look forward to now for him, rather than being the thing he constantly dreads…"

Lily just stared in awe.

"I can't believe you did that for your friend…it's amazing," she said quietly.

"Are you saying you wouldn't for Emma or Lizzy?"

"No! No, of course not! But…Potter, still, it's an incredible thing to have done. I doubt I would even be capable even if I tried…"

James grinned sheepishly, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Course you would. So, what _were _you doing there?" he asked again.

"I…I don't know," she said slowly. "Something told me I should….and my dreams…"

"You still had the dreams about the…"

"Stag and the whomping willow, yeah," she finished.

"I think that it means we are meant to be," he said jokingly. "You obviously are head over heels in love with me--"

Lily blushed furiously, much to her annoyance, but she replied coolly;

"Remember, Potter, we are friends only on wafer thin ice."

He laughed. "Okay, okay. But you've got to say I should win potential boyfriend points for the whole animagus, I'm-a-wonderful-caring-person discovery!"

"Potter!" she groaned.

"Okay, Lilyflower, not another word," he grinned. He looked out of the window onto the grounds, "I'd better get out there," he said, tilting his head in the direction of the forbidden forest.

"Yeah…yeah, course," she stuttered.

"I'll talk to you later?" he asked.

She nodded and smiled. He turned to go, but Lily called after him;

"James, wait! You're bleeding…" she gestured to a deep cut on his arm.

He shrugged. "I'll live."

She rolled her eyes, ignoring James' warning that one day they'd get stuck there, and gently reached out for his arm.

"_Episkey," _she whispered, and they watched as the cut disappeared. Suddenly, to James' complete surprise but immense pleasure, she threw herself into his arms;

"Thanks, Potter," she whispered.

"No problem, Evans," he murmured in her ear.

As he left the room, he grinned to himself, whatever she may say he had definitely won points on the potential boyfriend metre; he could see it in her eyes.

**A/N REVIEW! Sorry if it was a bit long, but I hope you like.**


	14. Startling Discoveries

**A/N Hi! This chapter's mostly just a set-up for the next one, so if it feels like nothing particularly happens that's why. It's also v. short compared with the last… Anyway thanks for all the reviews everyone: Pheonix Tears of Life, Shetlandlace, Little Miss Elizabeth, thefatlady44, ajteel0203, Gray Eyed Beauty and lovesreading2, alix33 – I love you all! Okay, hope you like the chapter…also the dream is not strictly canon or anything, it's meant to be symbolic and propheticy not exactly how it would have happened. Anyway shutting up now, I'm basically telling you what's going to happen!**

**---**

"You told her everything, then?" Remus asked quietly.

"Moony, I had to! She saw us!" James pleaded.

"I know. I understand…did she?"

"Did she what?"

"Understand."

"Of course," James told him softly.

"Are we still going to be friends..?" Remus asked, looking at the floor doubtfully.

"Moony, this is Evans! Of course you will; she's not going to stop talking to you just because of your furry little problem!"

Remus chuckled. "I suppose you're right, Lily would never do that…I'll talk to her tomorrow." James nodded to him, smiling.

"I can't believe you told her about us…" Sirius said bitterly.

"What else could I have done?" James turned to him in surprise.

"What if she reports us as illegal Animagi?" Sirius barked.

"Padfoot, Dumbledore already knows for Merlin's sake! And since when do you not trust Evans?"

"You seem pretty eager _to_ trust her!"

"I have no reason not to! We're friends!"

"Oh, yeah…you're _friends," _Sirius rolled his eyes.

"We are…" James said, hurt.

"Oh would you just stop kidding yourself, Prongs! Evans hates your guts!"

"No…no, she doesn't…"

"Don't be ridiculous! She's not fooled by your whole holier-than-thou act! However much you pretend you're the same as her…And since when did you become so straight? All the rules and restrictions…honestly, Prongs you're getting less and less fun by the minute,"

James felt as though he'd just been slapped. With a glare at Sirius and an apologetic head tilt at Remus, he walked out of the room, completely flummoxed by his best friend's behaviour. He slammed the door shut angrily, and looked up to find himself face to face with Lily herself; her eyes tearful.

"I don't!" Was the first thing she said to him.

He gaped for a moment, "you don't…?"

"I don't hate you."

"Oh," he said, feeling his anger ebb away suddenly. "I know."

"I'm sorry…I—I didn't mean to listen…I just wanted to, uh…I…"

There was a moment's silence.

"What is it, Lils?" he asked gently.

She shook her head, "Nothing," she gave him a brief smile and walked away. He watched her go in confusion; but did not try to figure it out for too long, so preoccupied with whatever was wrong with Sirius. It wasn't like James had had a lot of choice in telling her…besides, someday she would've found out…did Sirius have any particular reason not to trust her? Or was it something else…was he jealous?

James found himself wandering subconsciously to the room of requirement. He required a place to sleep, he was resolute on the fact that he would go nowhere near his dormitory that night; he refused point blank to speak to Sirius. Having walked past the painting opposite the room three times, he opened the door to find a huge and comfortable looking double bed, and collapsed onto it, his thoughts swimming After an hour or so of tossing and turning, angry thoughts and emotions cascading his mind, he strayed into a very troubled sleep…

_James and Lily sat hand in hand by the fire of their cottage in Godric's hollow, James' free hand gently rubbing her swollen tummy. Neither of them ever remembered feeling so content…everything was perfect. He smiled at her and kissed her freckly nose…_

_Suddenly, there was a an ear splitting crash…their front door flew out of its frame, and split into hundreds of pieces from the force of the spell…Lily and James jumped to their feet, wands at the ready._

"_Get behind me," he told her._

_The Death Eaters trooped in…in their midst stood a man who looked barely human…with red eyes and slits for pupils…his face almost snakelike, his skin white as a ghost's…_

"_You have managed to escape me twice, Potter…but not again," he smirked. "Perhaps I shall begin by killing your lovely wife…ah, but not before I've had my fun…_crucio!"

_But Lily had cast a powerful protection charm…the spell rebounded and Voldemort was pushed back into the doorway. He staggered back up, his eyes flashing dangerously. Another attempt…he would break down the Mudblood's barrier…but James had seen it coming…his legilimency was improving day by day…"_Expelliarmus!" _he cried at the same time as a curse was sent his way, and Voldemort's spell was repelled, though he remained clutching onto his wand._

"_You think you can hoodwink the greatest sorcerer ever to have lived?" Voldemort snarled. Keep him talking…James thought to himself…_

"_Maybe not. But I'll certainly die trying."_

"_And so you shall…" Voldemort sneered._

_James laughed derisively, mocking him…trying to appear much more confident than he felt…inside he was screaming for a way out…he had to save Lily. But he knew if he could hold Voldemort off, just long enough for her to escape…and long enough for the order to arrive…_

"_Is it now?" he asked, voice clear and strong, "seems like you're all talk to me."_

_He cast a glance outside…any minute now…_

_Just then, eight or nine members of the Order apparated outside…they had the element of surprise on their side…the alarm surrounding the Potters' house had sounded…sensing their presence, James breathed a sigh of relief…Sirius, Lupin, Peter and several others came crashing into the house, and Voldemort realised he was outnumbered…_another time_…he told himself, turning his back on the Potters…but he did not go easy…there were casualties…deaths…Lily wept…and James knew they would be seeing him again before long…they could only thrice defy him…_

_And now Lily was cornered…screaming, begging for her life…James tried to run towards her but he was pushed back by something…it was in his way…he heard the ear splitting cries of a baby boy…screaming out for help…Lily cradled him as she died in a blinding flash of green light…James heard her body crashing to the floor just as his own did…but it was not the end, there was hope now…_

Lily and James both sat bolt upright, drenched in sweat and shaking from head to foot. For almost a full five minutes, neither of them moved from the positions they had woken up in; so terrified and absorbed by the dream they had shared. It had been so vivid... Lily shuddered…now she was dreaming about having his child? About them both dying? What on earth was wrong with her? James was switching fast between feelings of total bliss at the memory of the peaceful part of the dream…when Lily had been pregnant…to the horrific and terrifying ending…_but it's not real_, he told himself, it was just a dream…He turned over onto his other side, breathing heavily and trying to calm himself down. He saw that the sun was just rising; he could go and see Lily in a few hours, but for now he did not want to wake her up. _She's fine…don't be an arse, James…_

However Lily had jumped out of bed, still trembling, absolutely resolute on seeing James. She needed to find him, _now_. She knew that the staircase to the Boys' dormitories did not have a trick stair like the girls'. It seemed a little sexist to her that the Hogwarts teachers thought the boys were that much less trustworthy than the girls. Then she thought about the idea of the Marauders having easy access to the girl's dormitories and realised that in was actually justified enough. Without thinking, she climbed the staircase straight away and headed for the seventh year dorms. She found them at the very top, after half an hour of reading the golden plaque's on every single door in the Boy's tower, and shifted uneasily on her feet. Now that she was here, she began to wonder what she was actually going to say to him. _"Hi, Potter...had a bad dream, fancy a bit of comfort sex? Oh My God…I did not just think that…_It was the dream…the dream was not letting her think straight. That must be it. Her mind was going all wonky…Shaking her head to rid herself of the various scenarios which had just sprung to mind, she quietly pushed open the door, and closed it behind her with a soft click. She looked up to see that no one had yet woken, and then began tiptoeing silently around the room to find Potter…first she saw Sirius, _stupid bastard, _she thought to herself…Remus…and then Peter…and then an unoccupied bed. It had clearly not been slept on; she suddenly felt a ripple of fear; where was he? She sat on the bed for a few moments, hugging James' pillow to her and breathing in that wonderful scent; when she suddenly saw that little black book he had carried around with him for ages near the start of the year, lying innocently on the floor beside the bed. She wondered whether it was a diary…

Reaching out to pick it up, she fought with the desire to read it…what harm would it do? It might help her to understand him and his mysterious ways a little better if it was a diary…and if it wasn't then what did it matter if she had a little peek? She quickly flicked through it and saw that it was at least half full with James' messy scrawl. Once again her curiosity won her over, and she began to read. Her eyes widened as they travelled down the first page…_what on earth…? _She heard movement from beside her, and the rustling of bed covers. Turning to the window she saw that the sun was almost up. If someone woke up and saw her here…she rose to leave, straightening out James' bedding to ensure no one would have known she was there, and crossed the room to the door; taking the black book with her.


	15. Key to my Heart

**A/N ****Here is a rather different chapter – hope you enjoy it…should be amusing enough! There are a few repeated bits – but they had to be for it to make sense. So review review review my lovelies. x**

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_September 4th_

**Observation on lifestyle**

Subjects prefer to travel in packs. Solidarity and independence will not be tolerated. Must even accompany one another to the loo.

Discussion topics include; make up, clothes, boys, homework, and exams

Surprising discovery: girls can be as immature as boys

Ravenclaw girls joke about Hutchinson resembling Mr Potato Head.

McGonagall apparently acts as though she has a giant gherkin thrust up her backside. They've taught me a lot today.

Subjects seem to resemble wild animals, in that the competition for food, space and a mate is tough. Noted bitchiness between friends on the subject of Will Pritchard. Apparent competition; Pritchard has been two timing and now the cat fight ensues.

Space is tough, especially when fighting for a spot in front of the mirror. Light too, if it's not in the right position for them to apply their make up they can get incredibly testy.

Appears to be a widespread joke about Frank Longbottom; will not bore with the nasty details. Conclusion: girls are mean.

**Huge success: overheard Evans talking to her pack, about how I have not asked her out today. She noticed! And is obviously missing me greatly.**

_Conclusions for September 4th_

Reasons for bitching very different from my first conclusion. It turns out girls are in fact very insecure, and in offending others they feel better about themselves.

Basically they are all a bit loony.

_**Mr Moony suggests investigating how we could exploit on said weakness.**_

_Mr Prongs does not understand._

**Mr Padfoot is less than surprised. **

**We need to find out what it is they're all insecure about…and why. **

**Tasks for 5th September:**

_Hold a Gryffindor girl hostage, and force her to explain why girls are so insecure, and what it is they're really looking for. _

_**Or perhaps: Make polite conversation with one of Lily Evans' friends.**_

_September 5__th_

Mr. Moony has spoken to Emma, with whom he is on relatively good terms. Emma believes that Lily may act as high and mighty as she pleases but she is, in fact, looking for the same as the rest of them. The trouble is convincing her of this. Also, it is still a mystery to me what it is girls are looking for. They seem to have no idea of it themselves…which really does not help.

Today's observations: Girls can be very scrutinising of their appearance; noticed how they will ask one another for their opinions and no one can say the right thing. Boys do not care so much for their appearance (personally it is because I know I am a sex God and do not need to waste my time worrying about it)

Padfoot of course has other ideas; he carries a compact mirror with him wherever he goes.

Evans is the one exception; hence she is the object of my affections. That thing of being able to see that there are more important things in life…what a turn on!

**Prongs, no Evans! Remember cold turkey.**

Right you are, Padfoot.

_September 6th_

Girls will talk endlessly about boys. Boys do not talk endlessly about girls; unless they are me. Suggests they are actually incredibly obsessed with us; we are very desirous to them. Also that I may be sexually confused; maybe I too am a girl.

Why then do they repel us?

Fussy with food: weight issues. How self-obsessed are they?! (Again; why I love Evans so much…she eats like a horse. It is almost like an aphrodisiac effect on me…)

_**Prongs!**_

_September 8__th_

You will not believe this.

The girls…are _studying…_for NEWTs.

_**Mr Moony would like to ask what is wrong with being prepared.**_

**Moony, just because you are a sad, sad and perfect student type does not make it acceptable for them to be working so far in advance. **

I agree with Padfoot; even you have not begun to revise yet! And stop passing notes in my stalking-girls diary.

_**Have you two ever considered life after Hogwarts?**_

Of course…a small cottage; me and Evans…lots of baby James' running around. Maybe a baby Lily too...

_**I see. Anything other than this future with Lily? A job for instance?**_

Ah…careers. No, no idea. Padfoot?

_**Know your audience, Prongs. Of course I haven't considered it! The way I figure it; you get the bloody NEWTs, and then you go on the job hunt. Plus I have that whole small fortune thing.**_

I'm proud to call you my friend. Shall we do _some_ revision this time, though?

_**Of course. How about a couple of weeks beforehand?**_

Excellent.

_September 9__th_

Overheard a discussion about Valentine's day. _Valentine's day…_I mean seriously. Valentine's day as in the day which is over four months away! What is this romantic obsession that they have? Do they want sweeping off their feet? And if so, why play so damn hard to get? Although this conversation was between Pansy Vane and her friends…known gossipers and desperate-losers; Vane spends her life following me around begging for a date. Of course, who could blame her?

Assuming Evans considers herself above this or else there is no possible way she would be able to resist me. I believe from what I have heard that I tick all the right boxes. Considering that girls seem to be looking for…

Good looks; well, I've got that in the bag.

Humour; you don't even need to know me well to see it.

Intelligence; but of course!

Romance; well, seeing as I have been pursuing the same girl without reward for almost seven years, I would say I am fairly romantic. Not to mention how often I talk, think and dream about her, and how I am doing all this in a (probably vain) attempt to win her over.

And really, what else could a girl want?

I truly hope Evans never discovers this. It is the key to my heart. But just in case she does find it, in which case I may lay down my life in embarrassment, I leave her this message;

My darling Lilyflower, I love you, and know that I only did this incredibly stupid task because my friends instructed me to, and because I thought it might help me to become what you want. And I am sorry if I have caused any offence. Also, note, that the reason you are not on every page is because Remus has currently banned me from going near you. But only because I love you too much and I am going a little insane over it.

I mean, quite literally, declining in mental health.

So I am trying this whole…what is it Remus said…"giving you space" thing, so that we can both "gain a little perspective"?

And as you can see, it has not as yet had any effect on my mental stability, considering I am writing messages to someone who will never read this.

I must stop, now.

_September 12__th_

Subjects are very ambitious. They appear to be worried about the future…

Beginning to suspect being a girl is incredibly difficult. Boys are much more carefree. Where did girls get their consciences from? I myself am feeling very much like a martyr for deciding to work at all for my NEWTs.

_September 20__th_

The most incredible thing happened to me today.

While McGonagall was putting out the fire Padfoot and I set on her arse, Evans and her friends turned around and laughed _with _us; in a friendly, amused sort of way. Not that it wasn't extremely hilarious; McGonagall didn't notice she was alight until it had become rather out of control, so engrossed she was in drawing a very detailed diagram of the transformation of the Animagi (much to mine and Sirius' interest), and then became so flustered that she couldn't remember the simple _aguamenti _charm for water. That was when Evans had to step up and sort her out. But in general, it was laughs a plenty (until Pad and I got a week's worth of detentions). However it was all worthwhile to see Evans smiling _at _me.

What a success.

If that is what it takes to see her face light up like that at me I shall vow to set McGonagall on fire everyday for the rest of my life.

_September 23__rd_

In these recent weeks I have discovered that I am somewhat idolised here at Hogwarts.

I cannot believe that I have been so preoccupied with Evans my whole school career that I have not noticed how many other girls there are. Of course I am completely uninterested.

Still it is intriguing…they seem to follow me around and sort of "dare" one another to talk to me. It is as if I am not a real person; which is quite humiliating actually if you imagine. Obviously a sexy Quidditch-playing real person…but still, nothing special.

Perhaps girls idolise me because it gives them a common factor; like a hobby! It certainly ties in well with the obsession with appearance, eating, romance and gossip, does it not?

Speaking of Quidditch; I went down to the pitch early this morning to fly a little and clear my head. When I came down an hour or so later I am almost certain I caught a glimpse of someone running away...someone with beautiful auburn locks cascading behind her. I even began a little dance in celebration of her watching me. Of course, I have now decided that I imagined it, as I am finding it increasingly difficult to live without her. I have not asked her out in 17 days. I have not _spoken _to her in 16. It is becoming impossible…I think I have withdrawal symptoms. How much longer…?

_September 25th_

**Moony reckons I am ready to move onto Evans herself** now that I have distanced myself enough, and I have completed his and Padfoot's making-James-think-about-anyone-but-himself regime. Of course I am still not allowed to make contact with her.

_September 28__th_

It has taken me three days to completely map out Main subject's daily routine:

Early to bed, early to rise. She wakes up much before I do, and sits reading by the fire. I have not as yet managed to see what she is reading because she will hide it as soon as she sees me. Mental note to find out.

She will go down to eat her very wholesome breakfast at around 7.45 each day. Pancakes for starters, positively drenched in maple syrup, followed by a full English breakfast; minus the tomatoes. Noticed she never eats tomatoes – she must not like them. She usually drinks pumpkin juice, and then a coffee afterwards if she feels like it. I am unsure of what she does between eating breakfast and lessons because she simply seems to disappear off the face of the earth. I will be sure to discover it one day.

Then she is sure to arrive at her morning lesson at least five minutes early, and will be found waiting patiently with her books out and quill at the ready.

At lunchtime subject will take her walk around the grounds. For this I had to hide under my cloak; if she had discovered me then it would definitely have reduced me to a stalker-status. She sits by the lake and either reads or simply thinks; probably contemplating how handsome and wonderful I am and how much she misses me. Then she goes back to her friends; listens to Emma's rants about Padfoot, and Liz's long-winded praising of Remus.

**Rants about me?** **Saying what?**

I am not at liberty to divulge that information; it is a secret between subject and her friends. And now, me.

**Are you saying this to irritate me?**

Perhaps. Perhaps I am a changed man.

_**Unlikely. What did Liz say about me?**_

Sorry Moony old pal but I am sworn to secrecy; and you are no exception. As I was saying, after Lily listens to the rantings of her friends; she will then take up the subject of Exams. She will moan about how she is going to fail and how terrifying they are. Her friends will simply nod; not making any attempt to join in. I cannot blame them; who knew anyone could be so tightly-wound about a couple of grades?

_October 1st_

Beginning to wonder if Subject is trying to prove herself. Maybe she is unaware that she has already done more than that; she seems to continually want to improve, surprise and impress. I am glad I feel no obligation to do this; it must be very hard work.

However I did notice that in transfiguration today, Evans _passed a note. _That is a direct violation of the rules. My absence must obviously be having an effect on her; she and her friends passed notes for at least ten minutes before she put a stop to it and concentrated again. Maybe we are both changing; which can only mean one thing, we are becoming more compatible. Marriage, sex and babies in the offing.

Moony and Padfoot think is about time we make contact indirectly, (one of them will talk to Evans). Moony believes she will by now have indefinitely noticed my absence; and wishes to lightly interrogate her.

_October 6th_

Conversation on Muggle Science interrupted by Padfoot. Subjects can also have deep conversations as well as immature ones.

Maybe there are more to girls than just make-up and hair.

Beginning to understand why Evans did not take an immediate interest in me. I think I may be too shallow for her.

Success of the day: Main Subject blushed when Mr Padfoot asked if she was thinking about me. (Of course followed by an insulting retaliation.)

Tactic worked. Main Subject is at a loss for what to say. Padfoot may be right that she has been thinking about me a lot.

_October 12__th_

Have finally discovered what she does between breakfast and first period. It took me a long time owing to the fact that I had never even contemplated the idea.

She ventures where no man has ever gone before.

Well, where no Marauder has ever gone before. (Perhaps some sad Ravenclaw in desperate need of a life…)

She goes to the library. She does _extra work._ She does extra work after Breakfast…will she never relax? Why does she torture herself like this?

_October 15__th_

Awkward moment for subject in Potions today with Snivellus.

I sincerely hope she is not still bitter for that little slip-up by the lake in fifth year when I accidentally hung him upside down until he called her a you-know-what.

I am still of the view that it is entirely not my fault; I did not _force _him to say it. And had I not wanted to spare her already-messed-up feelings, I would've told her that I was only attacking him because he had already called her a mudblood the previous day; in which case she might not hate me so much now.

However I know that Snivellus meant a lot to her; God knows why. And so I shall admit I feel a little guilty. I have still not had the heart to tell her what he said; and in any case I doubt she would believe me. And now, as a result of my stupid temper, they do not speak and have resorted to ridiculously pathetic competition in Potions. Anyway today's episode went so far as to make subject cry a little. It was a weird and extremely unpleasant sensation for me to watch her that upset…almost like being ripped in two.

_December 13th_

Main subject had a dream. She seems very disturbed and distressed by it. Moony thinks I may have been somehow involved.

This does not bode well; was the dream negative if she is so shaken up?

Mr. Wormtail is of the view that subject may be having difficulty coming to terms with her feelings. Mr Padfoot and Mr Moony second this opinion.

Mr Prongs is ecstatic.

Noted that subject refused to look at me, and did not respond when I told her I was there for her. Negative result for definite. Although to give her credit it took us all by surprise.

Moony thinks I shall have to come up with a better idea for how to help her sort it out.

_December 19th_

Subject is looking even more tired today. Another sleepless night? Could not answer her question in charms; her best subject.

Beginning to worry. Hope subject is not declining in mental health.

Subjects' friends are also concerned; keep whispering about her when they think she cannot hear. I know that she has heard, and concur that this cannot be helping the situation.

Take note that girls are very unsubtle, though endearingly worried about their friends. Padfoot would not know that anything was troubling you if it slapped him in the face. Moony might, but then Moony has never been particularly masculine.

_December 21__st_

Subject visited Dumbledore (taking my advice!!) to discuss her dream problems.

It seems that she has had some kind of a vision about the War…I know this because of course I listened from outside under my cloak. We Marauders have decided we shall help with the War as far as we can, and will indefinitely join the order when the time comes. I know that Evans must be terrified, and I just wish I could be there with her.

Success of the month: Subject had a dream about us kissing. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me.

**Mr. Padfoot can assure anyone reading this you do not wish to be told; he has heard enough about this to last a life-time. No one is missing out if they do not have to hear about it themselves. They are probably blessed.**

_**Mr Moony and Mr Wormtail entirely agree.**_

_December 25th_

Best Christmas present ever this year. I spent the night WITH subject, in fact lying next to her, holding her and her holding me back. Could it be more perfect? Well…yes, there could have been some kind of whipped cream involved…off topic.

This may have been breakthrough moment…the ice queen finally melts!

Am standing preparing to discuss the matter with her. She is talking with other subjects, they are goggling at her in the same way the marauders' goggled at me when I told them the news. Perhaps she is talking about me, her new boyfriend James Potter…

Have observed girls enjoy showing off. Perhaps a little more subtly. There is a rather more nasty side to it, whereas boys will just be upfront.

Perhaps subject is showing me off right now. The others will be wild with envy.

_December 26__th_

[Thoughts following the conversation about last night in which Subject told me I was a pathetic, conceited fool for thinking she may now like me

Subject is a vile, nasty, spoilt, insensitive, bitchy, malicious, malevolent, calculating, abusive, manipulative, unfeeling, defensive, hurtful, deceiving, stubborn, dreadfully mean, cruel, paltry, unkind, miserly, callous, and heartless wench.

Of course I will still love her until the day I die.

_December 30__th_

Have realised that subjects will attempt to cover up their feelings, either by simply being quiet and shutting down or by means of defensiveness.

Boys will just tell the other person what's up and sort it out.

Boys are much saner.

Emma thinks the reason Evans acted the way she did is because she has trust issues. I also think her bitterness was as a result of her behaviour; she felt guilty and stupid for having let me in. Then she felt she had to act defensively to shrug me off. Sorry, love, but you shall never be rid of me.

Must now strive to gain her trust.

But maybe after the holidays; for now I wish to sit back and relax and come up with the most spectacular New Years' prank the Marauders' have ever pulled off.

Pity that I can't now that I am reformed; and Head Boy.

_January 3__rd_

New Years' resolution: will gain subject's trust.

Plans:………………………….

Padfoot, how do you get a girl to trust you?

_I think I'm the wrong person to ask on that one, mate. However I think I can safely say in the case of you and Evans, never._

**Cheers. That helps a lot. Moony? Any thoughts?**

_**Yes. You're not going to like it.**_

**Hit me.**

_**You need to become her friend.**_

**Friends? How? I can't be her friend! I definitely don't think of her as a friend…**

_**We know that, Prongs. You need to become her friend, gain her trust, find out more about her and then maybe you'll get what you want.**_

**I have to do **_**all **_**that, just for a maybe? I'm beginning to think this relationship malarkey is much harder than one would think.**

_Mr Padfoot is impressed that you are thinking at all._

**Shut up.**

_What a creative comeback. I take back my earlier comment._

Plans for forcing Evans into becoming my friend:

Tie her up and threaten to kiss her unless she consents to be friends.

_**No.**_

Engage in conversation and flatter her until the cows come home so that she eventually blushes and gives in to me.

_**Prongs, just apologise.**_

No! I did nothing wrong.

Ah! How about you lot all lock her in a broom cupboard with me and refuse to let her out until she agrees? I am sure she will cave before long; I will regretfully admit the idea of being within that close proximity to me for any length of time is undoubtedly disgusting to her. She will be begging for escape; which is why this plan is foolproof!

_**What if she just says she'll be friends and then continues to hate you anyway?**_

Well thank you Moony, you little ray of sunshine, do you have any better ideas?

_**Apologise.**_

No.

I'll threaten to—

_**Prongs, I can safely say that I do not think any sort of blackmail is the right way to go about this.**_

But she will certainly never agree otherwise.

**Merlin's beard Prongs this isn't rocket science. You corner her, you tell her you want to be friends, assure her it is nothing more so that she feels safe; make a pre-prepared little joke to break the ice, and wait for her to give in. Repeat as needed. Oh and remember to smile how I taught you to.**

I highly doubt it will work, as Evans is much too complicated for simple plans such as this. But in any case I'll give it a go. I also resent the fact that you claim to have taught me how to smile. My sexy smile which has the ability to make any girl go weak at the knees is entirely down to my own good looks.

**Wrong. Remember first year? I taught you the lopsided grin? **

Ah, but I usually reserve a specific smile for Evans. I only use the lopsided grin on my other fifty-million fans.

**So arrogant. "Changed man" my left buttock. And why does Evans merit her own personal smile?**

Because she is special. And because it is what naturally comes when I talk to her.

_**Moony wishes to interrupt this ridiculous conversation for a moment to let Prongs know that Ms. Evans is looking his way; and has been on and off all lesson.**_

Moony, I truly love you sometimes.

_February 8__th_

Dumbledore has asked me to form a defence group to prepare people for the War. The Marauders are astounded he has entrusted me with this. I cannot say in all honesty that I disagree. The first meeting is tomorrow…perhaps this is a golden opportunity to finally impress subject and prove how worthy I am of her friendship.

Will admit that I am slightly nervous. Okay, very.

Evans was eyeing me as McGonagall told me to visit Dumbledore; she was evidently intrigued about what was happening. Have now told her everything and she has consented (very unwillingly) to help me out at the meeting.

Sadly, have been forced to tell her it was all my idea, under Dumbledore's orders, which is greatly unfortunate because it backs up her whole mentality of be being an attention-seeking prick. Shame.

_February 9__th_

Meeting was a great success. Could see it in subject's eyes that she was amazed at me and my incredible leading skills. Also she looked as if she was about to fall over backwards when I admitted I have been unfairly prejudiced.

Noted that Snivellus did not bother to turn up. This must have hurt her. It seems he has definitely chosen his side now; I know that somehow she blames herself.

Negative outcome was when I eventually asked her to be friends and she started shouting at me. What the hell does it take? After this, something possessed me to ask her to make her patronus, and it turned out it is a doe. And mine is a stag. This is definitely not coincidental; we are obviously soul mates and she knows it.

_**Mr Moony thinks you are eternally stupid. You have taken it a step too far you will have scared her. I wish you luck in her ever going near you again. **_

Cheers, Moony. That helps a lot. Don't worry though, you shall be eating your words.

---

Lily looked up; heart pounding. That was where it stopped…she looked back at the date. The day before they had made friends…

**A/N. REVIEW!**


	16. Facing Facts

**A/N Okay I've had to split this whole section into two because it is just way too long; so here's the first instalment. Enjoy!**

**---**

When James had made his way back to his room the next day, he felt sure that there was something missing. He double checked for all his prized possessions; he still had the cloak, the map, his broom, his Head Boy badge and his photo album…but he felt sure something else was gone. He racked his brains fruitlessly but nothing sprang to mind, so in the end he put his thoughts aside and decided to focus on a matter more close at hand; Sirius. Sirius had gone so far as to get up _early_, obviously so that he would be able to avoid James more easily. But Remus was still there.

"Morning, James," he greeted sleepily.

"Hey," he replied miserably.

Remus followed his gaze to Sirius' bed, and said;

"Don't worry, he'll come around."

"Was I wrong to tell her?"

"No, no, you did what you had to do," Remus nodded. "I don't think it's about that…"

James looked at him. "You know what it's about?"

"I think…I don't know maybe he's just a little jealous?"

"I knew it! He likes Evans too?"

"No! No he's not jealous of Lily as such," Remus replied. "I think he feels a little neglected. I mean, you and Sirius have always been best friends…maybe he thinks Lily might slowly phase him out? He sees how close you are now, and maybe it bothers him. Plus, the Marauders have turned into the Marauders plus Lily and her friends."

James opened his mouth in protest, but Remus interrupted hastily, holding his hands up.

"I know, I know! We told you to make friends with her; I'm just saying that I think that might be the problem. He misses the _old_ you."

"You know Moony, that really is not logical. What were Sirius' exact words at the start of term…? We're going to show her I'm capable of being the 'sensible, kind, much less pricky version of me'?"

"Well, things are never logical. Maybe Padfoot didn't consider the implications of when you do eventually go out. And now that it seems highly likely…"

"But it's not like if anything ever does happen with me and Evans it'll make a difference to my friendship with Sirius, is it? If he and Evans become friends then it definitely won't and if he continues to go around mouthing off about how untrustworthy she is that's not going to--"

Remus held up a hand and silenced him. "I'm not the one you should be telling this to."

"Well, I've got the whole holiday to talk to him about it; I'll do it later," James said quietly before turning to repack his things.

Remus sighed. "Fine. Let's go to breakfast."

---

Meanwhile Lily sat on the edge of her bed, idly flicking through James' book. She still did not know what on earth to make of it. She had re-read certain parts over and over again…especially that silly little message to her in case she ever found it. "I love you," he had said…she found herself laughing at it, certain parts were so amusing:

'…_Of course…a small cottage; me and Evans…lots of baby James' running around. Maybe a baby Lily too...'_

Things she would have deemed obvious to her were obviously very trivial to him. _Boys, _she thought to herself, with a signature roll of the eyes. And then there was the fact that when they had made friends he had stopped using it…it showed that he truly did care about her…but then she would come to one of his sensationally conceited comments and feel the heat once again.

'…_Assuming Evans considers herself above this or else there is no earthly way she would be able to resist me. I believe from what I have heard that I tick all the right boxes._

_Good looks; well, I've got that in the bag._

_Humour; you don't even need to know me well to see it._

_Intelligence; but of course!_

_And really, what else could a girl want...'_

"Stupid prick," she muttered to herself.

And wasn't it strange how they had all…_plotted _this together? They were all spying on her…watching her every move…in a way it was almost frightening.

Just then, Lizzy wandered in from the bathroom; her hair in a towel turban.

"Morning, Lils."

"Morning," Lily replied, stashing the book in her bag while Lizzy was looking away.

"Emma still not up?" Liz asked, gesturing to a bundle of covers which appeared to be snoring loudly.

"The train leaves in an hour, maybe I should wake her. EMMA!" she shouted.

She slept on; sometimes it seemed to Lily that the similarities between her friend and Sirius were uncanny.

"_Aguamenti," _she said, as water erupted from the end of her wand, splashing Emma in the face and waking her with a start.

"What the—?! Where's the fire?" she asked stupidly.

"Hogwarts' express leaves soon. Get up," Lily told her, while Lizzy giggled mercilessly.

Emma rubbed her eyes. "Did you have to wake me up like that?" she mumbled grudgingly, grabbing her wand and drying herself.

"To be honest, Em, there aren't many other ways to get you up. You sleep like a log."

"What about shaking me like you usually do?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ah, but that wouldn't be half so entertaining now would it?"

Emma sighed, "Sometimes I think James might be having a bad influence on you."

Lily's stomach squirmed uncomfortably and she glanced at the book which now lay in her bag. Unfortunately it did not go amiss by Emma.

"What's that?" she asked.

"What?"

"The book you're looking at as if it's the ghost of Christmas past."

"It's…it's nothing."

Lizzy made a grab for it, and as much as Lily protested and chased her around the room, she could not stop her from reading it; Lizzy was too fast for her. Once she had read the first few lines, she smirked maliciously.

"You _stole _this?"

"What is it, Liz?" Emma asked her.

"Some weird book thing…it's James'," Lizzy replied vaguely, and continued to read.

Emma's eyes widened and she blushed slightly.

"Hey…what was that?" Lily rounded on her.

"What was what?" Emma asked unconvincingly innocently.

"Why did you look like that when Liz told you what it is?"

"Okay…" Emma said slowly, backing away slightly. "I may know what it is…they told me about it."

"You may WHAT?!"

"Where did you get it from?" Emma asked, frowning. This silenced Lily's sudden temper just as suddenly as it had come on.

"Oh…I…uh, well…" she stammered. "Okay…I took it from his room…" she admitted. When Emma and Lizzy looked at her in surprise she rushed on, "I went in there to talk to him, and accidentally found it…"

"What are you going to do about it?" Lizzy asked her.

"I don't know…what do you say to someone when you find their weird…stalkeresque journal?"

"Bottom line is you have to give it back to him, Lils," Emma said.

"How do you feel about it?" Lizzy asked her softly.

Lily thought it was a very good question…

"I honestly don't know," she replied, glancing at the book in Lizzy's hands.

"Give it back to him on the train," Emma said. "You'll be alone together for most of it, in the head carriage. Maybe you'll figure out the right thing to say when you're with him."

Lily nodded, pocketing the book, and they headed all headed off for breakfast, laughing and talking out some of the finer points of James' insane scribblings.

However, Lily did not give it back to him on the train. She continually switched between emotions; she could not decide whether the astonishingly arrogant entries won over the sweet, caring and sensitive ones. Every time she had almost geared herself up for it, she found she simply gaped at him like a goldfish, entranced by his eyes and completely lost for words, and eventually came out with something stupid, such as; "James, is your house blue?" to which he would laugh and reply;

"You are so abnormal," or else simply eye her as if she was clinically insane. After a while this led to her giving up; she would think about it over the holidays and get it back to him next term. However she did notice, with a certain degree of pleasure that he seemed very eager for her permission to write to her; he was obviously keen to know she was safe. She told him he could write as often as he liked, but be sure not to shock her family in any way. James being pure blood had never grown up away from Wizards and probably would not understand the implications of a person arriving in the fire place amidst roaring green flames; or else simply appearing out of thin air. He turned seventeen over the holidays and would be able to apparate to her house if need be. With an amused grin, he promised he wouldn't do anything too alarming. The journey was spent in conversation, games of exploding snap and a feast of snacks from the trolley. Lily temporarily forgot about the insanity of the book and allowed herself to get lost in him; enjoying his company. When he asked about her family this time she explained everything about Petunia, about how Snape had driven them apart and how their relationship was ruined as a result. She loved how he didn't judge her for it, he was just sympathetic. Whenever she'd tried to talk about it with Emma and Lizzy, who both had fictionally perfect families, they just shifted uncomfortably and changed the subject. Yet somehow James Potter understood; perhaps his family wasn't quite so perfect as everyone assumed. It could not have been more different from the first journey in the Head carriage where they had not said more than two words between them. Before they knew it, they were parting ways on platform 9 3/4s after a thoroughly enjoyable train ride.

"Bye, Evans. Keep in touch, watch your back," he said gruffly, before he hugged her tightly and caught one last whiff of her hair. Reluctantly he broke away and winked before he left her to greet his family. Lily watched his reunion with his parents; his father quite literally was the spitting image of him…the same hair, the same smile, and he too wore glasses. But Lily saw that James definitely had his Mother's soft hazel eyes. She watched as Sirius walked over to join the group, somewhat unwillingly, at which point James' Mum enveloped him a firm hug. They then all moved off together for the barrier between platform 9 ¾ and the Muggle world. Did Sirius live with them? She could see the awkward greeting between James and Sirius; they had clearly not made up after last night's argument.

"Coming, Lils?" Emma's voice brought her out of her reverie.

"Wha--? Oh, yeah," she said thickly. Emma and Lily were sharing lifts home, as they lived in the same village. She turned to her other best friend;

"Bye, Liz! Remember if you want to pop over, you can come anytime," Lily told her.

"Same here," Lizzy replied, before giving her a tight hug. "Remember to write."

Lily nodded, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and went over to her Mum and Dad. The first thing she noticed was that Petunia was absent.

"Where's Tuney?" she asked, looking around.

"She's not here, love," her Mother said sadly, before giving her a tight squeeze. "We've missed you, darling."

"Me too!" Lily exclaimed, "Hi, Dad," she said, beaming.

"Hello, Lilyflower," Lily smiled as she remembered someone else who liked to call her that. She glanced over to him; he caught her eye and waved a final goodbye before disappearing through the barrier.

"Who's that, then?" her Mother asked slyly, having seen where she was looking.

Lily blushed, "Oh…no one."

Thankfully Emma suddenly appeared at her side, having finally said her goodbyes to Lizzy and Sirius.

"Hi, Mrs Evans!" she said.

"Emma, dear! How are you?" Mrs Evans said warmly.

Lily was distracted…where was Petunia? Why had she not even come to meet her this time? She was trying to cut herself off entirely from the magical world…As she considered this she realised with a jolt that her parents didn't know anything about anything…they knew nothing of the War….they didn't even know who Voldemort was…and as her parents they could be in danger. She would have to tell them everything at some point over the holiday, she decided miserably. She wished that she could just spend some quality time with her family, carefree and happy…but one sick and power hungry man out there would not let them; and Lily vowed that one day he would pay. Dumbledore had said she and James would have a part to play in bringing him down, and well, from this point onwards Lily was making that a personal interest of hers.

---

The first week of the holiday passed and Lily felt increasingly nagged by her own conscience. Sooner or later she would have to face up to the book, the dream…and sooner or later she would have to tell her family about the war. She had been having the _Prophet _delivered to her as usual, and so far nothing had happened; much to her relief. She had of course received umpteen letters from James, and this morning was no exception. She was by now accustomed to the arrival of the Potter's snowy owl at around ten o' clock everyday; so as she stretched and rubbed her eyes after a lovely lie in, she went over to the window to let her in.

"Hi, Penelope," she said to the owl softly.

She opened up her own owl's cage to let Penny have a drink before the return flight, and stroked her beautifully soft head before opening James' letter.

_Hi Evans,_

_Sorry if you're bored of me, I just need to keep you in touch as I miss you more and more each day, and I worry about you much more than is healthy, I assure you._

Lily shook her head to herself; she privately loved the letters he sent; it kept her sane, remembering that he was out there still. She had begun to miss him barely a day after the holidays began, and for once she was not even trying to deny it to herself. She read on;

_Hope you're still ok. I doubt anything has changed in the last 24 hours but you never know. I Hope our lovely Petunia isn't giving you too much grief; and I do truly sympathise at your having to share a house with her boyfriend, Vernon. He really does sound rather disgusting. Are you sure that he has no neck at all? Write back, keep complaining about them to me I love to hear it; it's almost like having you around again. If it's okay I might pop over at some point on my birthday; (which by the way you have not even mentioned getting me a gift for! Mortally offended, Evans!), because I'll be able to apparate by then and I _really _want to see you! I assume your house isn't connected to the floo network so I can't come round sooner. Anyway, if there's a problem don't worry about it and I'll see you at school._

_Love,_

_James_

Lily folded the letter back up, smiling to herself. She would reply to it later; now, she had a job to do. She decided the previous night that it was time. She would sit her family down; and explain everything. Feeling somehow strengthened by James' letter, she quickly dragged a brush through her hair, put on her dressing gown and slippers and went down to breakfast.

"Morning, love," her Mother smiled, as she entered the kitchen.

"Hi, Mum," Lily replied. She poured herself a glass of milk and sat down at the table beside Petunia.

"Hey, Tuney!" she greeted as happily as she could.

"Don't call me that ridiculous nickname," she snapped.

"But I've always called you that!" Lily objected.

"When we were younger you did," Petunia sniffed. "Now, things are different. I've grown up and you're a…" She trailed away and she turned to talk to Vernon.

Lily's mother watched the exchange with tears in her eyes. She loved both daughters dearly, but for some reason Petunia just couldn't accept that Lily was different. She and her husband had almost been proud the day Lily got her letter; they had always known she was special. But Petunia was special too, and the more she pulled away from her family and distanced herself, the more that special fire was going to burn out; and it pained Mrs Evans to see it.

"Mum?" Lily's voice brought Mrs Evans back to reality.

"Yes, love?"

"I need to talk to you all today…that includes Vernon and Petunia," she said with a shaking voice.

"Everything alright?" her Mother replied, eyes wide with concern.

Lily paused. "Yes…well, no. Not really; I need to tell you some things about my world…my other world I mean, because they might affect you," she said slowly.

Half an hour later and she had them all sat down in front of her in the living room, looking up expectantly. What to say? _Okay everyone, there's a powerful, and mercilessly evil Wizard on the loose and no one knows how to stop him, and each day he gets stronger and stronger….so basically we're probably all going to die…_

"Okay…try not to be too worried about what I have to tell you…" she began. "I think we'll be able to protect you; you'll be alright."

She took a little pause as they all gazed up her imploringly, except Vernon who looked rather bored with the proceedings. She found it so strange that these four people knew nothing about it…they just led ordinary lives; and she was about to ruin it.

"In the wizarding world….at the moment there's…" She found she didn't quite know how to finish the sentence, and so tried again. "The thing is, everyone, is that just like in the muggle world; there are some bad people, bad wizards…who do terrible_, terrible _things…did you see the report of those eight people who died?"

"They died of simultaneous heart attacks, that's what the news said love," her Father replied.

"They didn't die of heart attacks, Dad," Lily said softly. "There's a lot of branches of magic…there's charms, transfiguration, divination, all sorts, and then the dark arts. The dark arts can easily corrupt weak minds…some wizards loose themselves in them. There are three curses which are unforgivable; the cruciatus curse is used for torture…the imperius curse is used for mind control, and _avada kedavra _is…is the killing curse. That's how those eight people died, the killing curse."

All four just gaped at her.

"The use of any one of these can earn you a lifetime's sentence in Azkaban; the wizard prison. They're unforgivable. There are some people in my world who use them for…I suppose for _fun. _They believe that anyone with a trace of non-magic blood in their veins should be wiped out. That includes me; a mudblood. A mudblood is a foul name for someone with non magic parents…and now there are some people who would want me dead. And it obviously also includes you," she paused. "There's one…one wizard, who calls himself Lord Voldemort, who is slowly coming to power. He's got followers...who call themselves Death Eaters. They're mostly what we call pure blood; their families have always been wizards as far back as anyone can tell. If they're not completely pure then they wish they were…at some point they'll launch an assault on the wizarding world…there's going to be a war…people are choosing their side," she winced as she thought of Severus. "That attack marked the beginning of it. I can't promise you that we'll all live through it…no one can stop Voldemort, he's powerful…he's one of the greatest occlumens anyone has ever known--"

"One of the greatest what?" Lily's mother asked quietly.

"He can read minds. He can anticipate your next attack, he knows your weaknesses; there's no beating him…But I'm not scared of him; and you shouldn't be either," she said strongly. "A while back I had a dream…a prophetic dream, and Dumbledore thinks we're going to win, in the end. Dumbledore can protect you; on our side we think _he's _even more powerful than Voldemort. Dumbledore is the one wizard Voldemort fears…"

There was a silence as Lily wondered what they each must be thinking. Were they scared? Did they even believe her? Vernon shifted uncomfortably, Petunia had whitened considerably, and her parents were looking at her as though in a state of disbelief.

"So…so what can we do?" her Dad asked her.

"It's a wizard's war, there's not a lot you can do. And I want you safe and out of harm's way…I don't want you anywhere near this."

"We can't just sit here, Lily!" her mother cried.

"You have to!" Lily replied. "It's okay…I can handle myself."

"But you said yourself they particularly want _you_ dead," Petunia spoke up for the first time. Lily turned to her in surprise; she sounded as if she almost cared.

"There are lots of muggleborns in our world; it's not as though I'm the only one…and like I said, I'll be looked after."

"How many of them are there?" Petunia asked.

"Of his followers?" Lily asked, and Petunia nodded.

"He's getting more and more by the day…we don't really know; they could be any one of us; some people are imperiused…some pretend to be on our side…we think around fifty for the moment…"

"Imperiused?"

"Yeah, the imperius curse for mind control…one of Voldemort's personal favourites, he can use it to see inside the ministry."

"The ministry?" Mrs Evans piped up.

"The ministry of magic…sort of a wizard's government. One of Voldemort's top priorities is to bring it down…he'll have placed the imperius curse over certain wizards so he can see what he's up against. Our problem is that he's so powerful his magic never wavers and we can't tell who's under the curse and who isn't…he's everywhere."

There was another long stretch of silence.

"So what's this…Dumblewhatsit you keep talking about doing then?" Vernon eventually asked.

"Dumbledore? Dumbledore's formed a secret society called the Order of the Phoenix. He's been heavily recruiting whilst the Ministry has been standing idly pretending nothing's happening. I'm joining the order the first chance I get," she said resolutely.

"What about that boy I saw yesterday?" her Mum asked her.

"What about him?"

"Is he putting himself in danger too? Is he joining some secret society to fight an unbeatable dark wizard? Is he putting you up to this?"

"Actually Mum I haven't even spoken to him about it!" Lily heated up. "I've made my decision entirely on my own; I have to fight! I have to fight for what I believe in!"

"I wasn't blaming him, love," Mrs Evans said more softly. "I support you whatever you do…just, I couldn't live with myself if you were hurt."

"James will join the order," Lily said. "He will; and I'll be there right alongside him."

Lily saw her Mother's expression change dramatically for a fraction of a second when she had spoken about James but she chose to ignore it.

"I just needed you all to know what's happening. I'm sure nothing will happen to any of you; just be prepared for the worst. I can cast a charm on the house to keep you safe whilst you're here; and if things get any worse…we'll see what we can do," she swallowed.

"So how do you plan on stopping him then Lily?" Petunia asked bitterly. "You're so confident about this; we're all going to be fine! War, evil sorcerer; nothing to worry about! How exactly d'you figure that?"

"I believe it," she replied.

"So what happens if you're wrong? What happens if it gets worse and worse and no one stops him?"

"It won't! If you had the slightest idea of how terrible that would be you wouldn't be able to talk about it like that!" Petunia quietened under Lily's glare. "So stop mouthing off about things you don't understand!"

"No one's doing that, Lily," her Mother said softly. "But this is quite a lot to take in...You come home for the holidays and tell us all we're all in danger of being killed by someone even you can't beat? Imagine yourself in our position for a moment."

Lily was stumped. She took a deep breath, and eventually said;

"I have to write a letter; we can talk about it more later…"

---

"Hey, Prongs," Sirius said meekly, poking his head around James' door.

"Padfoot!" James said jovially. Since their reunion on the platform they had been talking as if nothing had happened on their last night at Hogwarts, though James still resented that he hadn't had an apology.

"What are you up to?" Sirius' eyes narrowed as he saw James was writing something. "Good Lord you're not doing homework are you?"

"Course not. Making plans for next term's defence lessons. I think I'll start with a bit more combat training; move onto some more complicated stuff, we'll go over patronus charms again, then I thought we should start on some basic defence against dark creatures…I'll teach them to defend against inferi, dementors, and maybe I'll do the conjunctivitis curse in case Voldemort brings dragons into it…and then--"

"Prongs," Sirius interrupted his rant.

"Yeah?" he asked, looking up.

"I'm sorry about what I said about Evans."

James grinned slightly. "No problem."

"I was just…I don't know I sometimes worry that if you two go out I might be phased out…"

"Never happen, Padfoot old friend! If anything ever did happen between Evans and me, which as you have always said is very unlikely; it won't affect our friendship in the slightest. Promise."

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Good. Now, onto more pressing matters. D'you think you could be a little less reformed for a while in summer term? I just don't think we can leave Hogwarts without saying our proper goodbyes…"

James' eyes sparkled maliciously. Maybe, just this once, he should put the Marauders first.

"Alright," he smirked. "One last prank. But you have to make me a deal."

"Anything."

"Make friends with Evans."

"Done."

James frowned suddenly.

"What's up, now?" Sirius asked.

"I dunno…I just keep getting this nagging feeling that something's gone missing every time Evans comes up…"

"That is probably just the eternal mystery that is your brain. Now, let's get started," Sirius dismissed.

He grabbed the parchment on which James had been planning out his defence meetings, and made a new title:

_List of possible ingenious pranks for the Marauder's last hurrah_

They spent the best part of the next hour developing complicated plans and procedures. It would take hours to explain them all to Remus and Peter; but both felt the school needed a comedy break and that it would all be completely worth it in the end; barring the possibility that Lily would go back to hating them. Before long, the two friends were back to how they had always been; all trace of jealousy and resentment forgotten. Around mid-afternoon James looked up to see that his owl had returned with a letter tied neatly round her ankle.

"Penny!" he greeted, allowing her to nip his finger affectionately as he untied Lily's note.

"Evans wrote you back already?" Sirius asked, still not looking up from the marauder's map. "Hey, I was thinking we can use the secret passageway on the fourth floor corridor behind that old tapestry as a quick get away. It leads straight to the entrance hall, at which point we can join the usual throng of students heading up to Gryffindor tower…"

"Sounds good," James replied distractedly. He was reading Lily's letter and she was obviously distressed. "I think Lily's told her family about the war…doesn't sound like it's gone down too well."

"Can't say I'm surprised, wouldn't want to be in her position right now. Imagine having to explain everything to your Mum and Dad?"

James nodded slowly. She had said it was alright for him to come round on his birthday, which was only three days away now; he could go over and help her out…

"You'd think the school would come and explain, wouldn't you?" James asked.

"Reckon Dumbledore's got enough on his mind. Besides, I'm sure he thinks you and Lily can handle it," Sirius said reasonably.

James smiled in spite of himself. _You and Lily…_he looked back down at the letter; at Lily's neat writing. It was almost too much to take in that they were such good friends now. Was it possible that it could really happen? Did she really like him? It was amazing to him that just over a month ago and he was still writing in his little black book…

Suddenly James looked up at Sirius, panic stricken, his face draining of colour.

"Oh…oh no," he said in a strangled voice before he began rooting around in his trunk…_it has to be here…_he thought, as he emptied it of all his belongings. Sirius watched in complete confusion as socks, robes, spellbooks and old parchment was thrown unceremoniously over James' shoulder. After emptying it completely, James collapsed beside his trunk…his face marked an expression of pure horror. Sirius just sat in waiting for an explanation.

"Padfoot," he said slowly.

"Yes, Prongs?"

"I think I know what's missing…the book has gone."

---

**A/N. dun dun daaa. Review lovelies! **

**A/N****: Next chapter Lily will finally deal with it properly. Keep reading!**


	17. Closer

**A/N thanks for the reviews everyone! Hope you like the chapter; the ending's a bit annoying, even for me…but, well, see what you think. Let's just say things finally heat up a bit ;)**

**---**

"Okay…now calm down. What makes you so sure Evans has it? You've probably just left it at school!" Sirius said, now up on his feet.

"No, I checked over and over again; I'm sure it wasn't there…and also I knew it had gone missing before I even packed up!"

"What do you mean?"

"When I went back to the dorm after the…argument," James cleared his throat. "Well, it felt like something had gone. And I was right, wasn't I?"

Sirius decided to brush past James' comment about their fight; it was behind them now. "So what, you think she just wandered into your room and happened upon the book, and then decided to nick it?" he asked sceptically.

"Yes!"

"Prongs think, if she has found it she obviously doesn't care; she's writing to you as if nothing's wrong," he gestured to the letter now sitting on James' cluttered desk. "And the likelihood is she never found it and you're just jumping to hysterical conclusions!"

James ignored him and tried hard to remember what he'd written about. It had been his place where he could say whatever was on his mind…he had almost been her _stalker…_what if she read some of those parts he hadn't really meant, when he was angry? Or those arrogant parts…he cringed as he remembered that entry he'd written after she had brushed him off after their night.

'…_Evans__ is a vile, nasty, spoilt, insensitive, bitchy, malicious, malevolent, calculating, abusive, manipulative, unfeeling, defensive, hurtful, deceiving, stubborn, dreadfully mean, cruel, paltry, unkind, miserly, callous, and heartless wench…'_

"Oh God, Pad…this is really not good."

"James, are you _sure?"_

He nodded back miserably.

"Why was she in your room then?" Sirius winked. "Out for a little midnight rendezvous?"

James snorted. "Lily will only come to me for sex when hell freezes over."

"Well…anything happen that day that she might've wanted to talk to you about?" Sirius asked.

James ruffled his hair thoughtfully. "Don't think so…I mean, I had this dream. But that was mine not hers."

"What happened?"

"Huh?" James replied thickly, lost in thought.

"Dream?"

"Lily and I…romantic cottage for two," James grinned. "Well, two plus baby."

"And then?"

"Voldemort," he replied shortly, blinking to stop his eyes filling with water as the sight of Lily's fallen body flashed across his mind.

"Maybe it was one of those prophetic dreams Dumbledore was on about," Sirius suggested. James shifted uncomfortably; he seriously hoped it wasn't prophetic. "Maybe Evans had one too," Sirius added.

"And that's why she came looking for me?"

"It's possible."

"Oh…what on earth am I going to do, Sirius?"

---

"Lily! Rise and shine, lovely!" Mrs Evans cooed, stripping Lily's bedcovers away.

"Nghm….Mum!" she moaned sleepily, attempting to make a grab for her duvet.

"We're going out," she announced.

"Wha--?"

"I haven't seen you in ages, and we're going to spend some time together," she said to her daughter, while coaxing her out of bed with a delicious smelling hot chocolate and bacon roll.

"Where are we going?" Lily mumbled, taking the breakfast out her Mum's hands.

"Well, I don't know what you're into now…but how about some shopping?"

"Love to," Lily smiled.

"Okay, Brian we'll be out for just a few hours, I'll bring some takeaway back for dinner," Mrs Evans said to her husband, as she searched for the car keys.

"Okay, see you later, Jan," Lily's Dad replied, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll try and talk to Petunia while you're out."

She nodded to him, just as Lily stumbled down the stairs; eyes still a little bleary, but dressed and ready.

"Okay, Mum, I'm ready," she said, grabbing her jacket and heading for the door.

Lily's parents exchanged a final look of encouragement before Jan whisked Lily out of the door and into the car.

Lily and Mrs Evans spent half a day weaving in and out of London's high street stores; Lily's Mum treated her to a pair of diesel jeans, a Ted Baker dress, a pair of earrings and some make-up. For Lily it felt so nice to be back in the muggle world, for once without a care in the world, just _shopping. _Finally, when they were overly laden with bags and completely spent up, they staggered into a coffee shop Mrs Evans was rather fond of and ordered two cinnamon lattes.

"Thanks for this, Mum," Lily said beaming.

"It's just nice to have you around for a bit, darling."

"I'm sorry I dropped that enormous bombshell on you yesterday…I just didn't think it would be fair not to tell you. And there weren't many ways to do it without being completely blunt--"

"Lily dear, don't think on it another minute. You Dad and I have every confidence in you, we're so glad you told us. We want to be a part of your life, and we're willing to make sacrifices. And we couldn't be more proud of you for being so brave; we see ourselves in you," Lily stared at the table as her cheeks flushed. Then Mrs Evans added, "Are you sure there's nothing we can do to help?"

Lily considered it for a moment.

"Actually…there is," she said slowly, her Mother was a journalist. "Help spread the word in the muggle world. Of course, you can't tell them about the wizard side of things. The prime minister knows about us; but the Minister for magic probably hasn't told him yet…they still refuse to believe it…"

"The prime minister knows about wizards?"

Lily nodded with a smile. "Yeah. Write an article, Mum. Sell it to as many papers as you can; just talk about Voldemort as if he's some muggle mass murderer; keep people on their guard. Also, maybe avoid the term Lord Voldemort…call him Tom Riddle. That was his real name before he became bad. Tell them to stay inside as much as possible, no loitering in dark alleyways, things like that…"

Lily's Mum smiled. "I can do that," she nodded. "Now, tell me all about this James of yours," she requested, eyes sparkling.

Lily froze. "What about him?"

"I saw that look in your eye when you saw him on the platform! And when you talked about him yesterday," Mrs Evans teased.

"What look?" Lily asked innocently, staring at her mug,

"_The _lookYou like him."

"I do not!" Lily objected.

Jan just smiled at her; when Lily was ready she would accept it, so she changed tack. "So tell me about him. What's he like?"

Lily found herself talking about him for ages; how he had pursued her since first form, how he always said the wrong thing in every situation, how arrogant yet charming he was, how amazing he was at Quidditch, his humour, about him being an animagus, about him teaching the students defence, and then she remembered about the book.

"…then there was this book I found," she said uncertainly. "It kind of freaked me out…"

"Oh?"

"Yeah…he sort of stalked me, and wrote all about it in a journal."

"He _stalked_ you?" her Mum repeated, her eyebrows raised in mild surprise.

Lily nodded meekly. "And wrote all about me, my habits, what I like and dislike…our conversations, and he kind of studied girls…so he could understand me better."

After a pause, her Mother said "To be honest, darling, it doesn't sound like you gave him much choice. And it has sort of worked, him trying to understand you better, hasn't it?"

"What d'you mean by that?" Lily asked sharply.

"Nothing, nothing! I mean that you're friends now…that's all. But I can understand why you're a little confused by it."

"What should I do?"

"Lily, James sounds like a very nice boy. He's just a boy, you know. Your Dad was completely clueless when it came to girls too; and I'm sure James is only arrogant because he's so nervous around you."

"You think?" Lily asked.

"Definitely. Give him a chance," she said softly.

"I hope you don't mean a chance as my boyfriend," Lily asked, cheeks flushed.

Jan laughed. "Okay, okay, not yet."

"Not ever! We're just friends," she exclaimed in horror. Then she remembered something, "But, oh, he wants to come and see me on his birthday; he'll be able to apparate by then."

"Apparate?" her Mum interrupted.

"Oh, sorry, yeah. Like disappear from one place and appear in another straight away," Lily explained. "When a wizard comes of age, when they turn 17, they can apparate. Can James come over on his birthday? Probably just for a little while…"

"Of course! I'd love to meet him!"

"Don't you dare embarrass me."

"I promise I'll be good," Jan smiled. "And it'll give you a chance to talk over this book of his."

"Yeah…" Lily said thoughtfully. "Mum, if it's okay I need to make one last stop before we go home…"

"Course," Jan replied, picking up her bags to go. "Where to?"

"Diagon Alley. You don't have to come in--"

"Lily, I _want _to. I want to share all this with you. Your Dad and I aren't like your sister, love," she said kindly.

Lily smiled to her. "Thanks, Mum. I just need to get James a birthday present…"

---

James stood in front of the mirror; trying to flatten his hair with water. It would only stay down for a few seconds before flicking back up again. He sighed in defeat and grabbed a jacket, heading for the door.

"Bye, everyone!" he called to his family, in the vague direction of the kitchen.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Sirius shouted back.

"What for?" James responded, strolling down the Potters' never ending hallway.

Sirius came running out of the kitchen, a piece of toast still in his mouth, waving his arms frantically.

"I'm coming too."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am. We can do side along. I want to make it up to Evans," Sirius insisted.

"Woah, is Sirius being serious?"

"That is a terrible, terrible pun Prongs," Sirius shook his head in shame.

"Yeah, I have to agree. Okay then, c'mon," James sighed.

They walked down the garden path to the pavement, and Sirius rested a hand on James' shoulder before they both turned on the spot and disapparated with a _crack_.

---

"Mother I don't see why I have to make nice with one of her freakish friends, just because she's embarrassed by us being--"

"I am _NOT _embarrassed by you being muggles, Petunia," Lily said dangerously. "But if you act like this when he's around, I _will _be embarrassed. There's nothing freakish about James at all."

Vernon grunted. "If he's one of _your lot,_ he's not one of us."

Lily's parents exchanged a saddened look before Lily stood up and marched out of the room; slamming the door as she went. That was exactly the sort of comment which made her want to curl into a ball and weep. _…not one of us…_ As she was just about to climb the stairs to her room she heard the doorbell ring, and rushed to answer it before anyone else could. She opened the door quite nervously and barely managed not to gasp. James looked…well, he looked gorgeous. He was wearing muggle clothes…a blue and white striped shirt with dark, faded jeans. Muggle clothes suited him very well, she decided as she stood gaping at him, and her Mother trotted in from the kitchen to greet her guest. Or guests, as Sirius was standing nervously behind James.

"Hello James, love!" she smiled at him before saying, "Come in, come in!"

"Thanks, Mrs Evans," he replied, rustling his hair nervously. "Oh, err, this is my friend, Sirius."

"Oh, lovely! Hello Sirius. Do come in," she said, arms open in welcome. "Does either of you boys want a drink?"

At this Lily cast her Mother a warning glance, and a small smile played across her Mum's lips as she saw Lily's glare, "Well, perhaps I'd better just leave you all to it," she said, as she disappeared into the lounge with a wink.

"Hey, freckles," James grinned.

"Hey, four-eyes."

"You okay?" he asked, stepping in.

"Oh…you know," she said lamely, rolling her eyes in the direction of the lounge where her were family sat. James tilted his head understandingly.

"Hi, Sirius," she smiled, looking away from James at last.

"Hey, Evans. Is this alright? I know I didn't get an invite," he smirked.

"Course it is, come on in."

"I just wanted to apologise," he said, moving into the hall. "Then I'll be out of your hair."

"You're not in anyone's way," she said.

"Well, anyway. I'm sorry. I know you heard what I said about you," she opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again. "I didn't mean it; it was nothing to do with you."

"I know," she replied understandingly.

"And I'd love it if we could be friends," he added.

"Sirius, we are friends," she assured him kindly.

James cleared his throat to interrupt; "Evans, I need to talk to you for a minute."

"Oh, yeah," she said hesitantly. "Me too. Shall we…?" she trailed off, gesturing upstairs

"Yeah. Just give us a sec, mate," James turned to Sirius.

"Course," he replied, before adding under his breath to his friend, "Remember what we went over."

James flashed him a grin and followed her up to her room; leaving Sirius to wait awkwardly in the hallway.

Lily closed the door behind her, taking a deep breath in preparation of the awkward conversation to come.

"Well, you always complain about your family Evans, but your Mum seems cool," he said randomly.

She smiled, "Well, yeah Mum's great. It's my sister that's…"

He nodded in reply as she walked over to her desk and began rummaging for something. He looked around her room and smiled; it was so Lily. It smelled so strongly of her for a start, two walls of four were covered completely by shelf upon shelf of books, and then there was an antique-style dressing table, cluttered with hair products, perfumes, and make-up. Her bed was covered with about fourteen pillows; all of different shapes, colours and sizes; and above it was some kind of mural of photos of her friends. His heart leapt into his throat as he spotted himself among them…it was a picture of him and Lily by the lake about a month back. He was silently teasing her, laughing, and she playfully hit him for it. Just then, Lily turned around and spoke, and his heart raced when he saw what she was holding.

"James," she said softly. "I think this belongs to you."

"My book…you do have it," he said in a strangled voice, taking it from her hands slowly.

She looked down at it and nodded. He launched into an apology straight away; before she had a chance to get angry.

"Look, Evans, the only reason I did this is Moony, I mean Remus. On the train in September, they decided they'd help me to win you over; because I told them I love you," Lily's eyes widened and her stomach flipped over as he said this, but it went completely unnoticed by James. "--and they thought I needed to understand girls better. And become a better person, or something. So they put me up to writing this; and I only did it because I thought if there was any chance I would be able to…to be close to you through it, then I'd give it a shot," he said very quickly, before rushing on. "And where I was arrogant and stuff…it was only because I was so…so…look, okay, I know I can be a pain, but…" he trailed off again, "And when I said that stuff about you, after our night…"

"James, shut up," she interrupted, laughing. "You don't have to explain that, I know I was awful to you that day…and I wanted to tell you, it really meant a lot to me, that night, and I'm sorry for acting how I did."

He just stood and stared at her in shock for a moment, before managing an, "Oh."

"I'm also sorry that you had to resort to…to this, to reach me. I wish I hadn't been so unattainable for you, I was so unfair…I don't blame you for what you did."

"You don't? Aren't you going to hex me? Or at least hit me? I mean… I was talking about you as some kind of…object! And I literally stalked you…surely you must be mad?"

"I definitely thought about it, the hexing that is," she grinned. "At first, I was confused by it, yeah. And some parts definitely made me angry…that's why I didn't give it back to you straight away," she explained.

He paused for a second, before saying quietly. "And now?"

"Now?" she repeated. "Now, I'm fine. I just want you to promise me you won't use it again."

"I haven't since--"

"Since we made friends, I know," she supplied. "And you won't have to again," she smiled. "Oh, and I got you something, for your birthday," she flushed as she picked up a package wrapped neatly in brown paper off her desk. He took it; feeling more surprised by the second, before tearing it open to reveal a beautifully made scarf; in the colours of his Quidditch team, the Holyhead Harpies.

"Wow…Evans, this is great," he beamed at her as he wrapped it around his neck.

"Glad you like it," she said to the floor.

"You're amazing, you know that?" he said gently, and her stomach flipped again she saw him take a step closer.

"I am?" she asked, stalling for time as he slowly closed in on her, lifting her chin with his thumb and forefinger. She was backed against the wall…there was no escape…

They looked into each other's eyes for a moment, before James said.

"You just are. Thank you, Lily."

"For the gift? No--no problem," she said in a much higher voice than usual.

"Not just for the gift; for everything."

"Um…for everything? You're…you're," she said faintly; there was barely a centimetre between them now…she suddenly noticed his hair was wet…she could smell him, she could feel the warmth of his body…

"I'm what?" he asked softly.

"Welcome," she gulped as he pushed a fallen strand of her hair out of her face and slowly leaned in. "James…you're hair's wet."

"I was trying to flatten it," he smirked.

"Oh. Don't," she whispered.

"Don't what?"

"Try to flatten it. I love it how it is," _Oh…Oh God, Lily…why?_

He just smirked still wider, his head suddenly lighter than air.

She kept her eyes wide open, watching his face come closer to hers…their noses touched, his lips were mere millimetres away. And then suddenly;

"Hey, PRONGS!" Sirius' voice rang like a bell through the house.

James closed his eyes wearily. "What?" he shouted back, stepping away from her a little. She breathed a sigh of relief, but felt thoroughly disappointed at the same time.

"There's something on the muggle news; you'd better come see!" Sirius called, and both Lily and James could hear the worry in his voice. James cleared his throat, and headed for the door; not quite meeting her eyes. She followed suit, her heartbeat quietening as they descended the stairs; adrenaline replaced with fear. What had happened now? James was almost glad for Sirius' interruption. He had realised something in that moment where they had been so close; he was sure she did feel something for him, but he had also realised she wasn't ready yet. He would have to give it a little time…_I can do that, _he thought to himself, as he followed Sirius into the Evans' living room to see what all the fuss was about; Lily close behind, shaking from head to foot.

---

**A/N hey, I hope you liked this…sorry I did an almost-kiss, had to happen! And sorry for the cliffie thing. But keep reading, and review review review! Much love!**


	18. Flights of Fancy

**A/N Well, that didn't take as long as expected; though its not a hugely significant chapter. You might think it's a bit dull; really I was just working up to the next one which should be quite interesting. There's a bit of character development and stuff, but yeah I'm not v. happy with it. Feel free to criticise me if needs must! Much love to all my reviewers xx**

**---**

It was with heavy hearts that the group of friends boarded the Hogwarts express after the Easter holidays; the attack on James' birthday had been even more dreadful than the last…nineteen wizards had been attacked, and only three of them survived. Some of them had been the parents of students they knew. Lily had shed a few tears, and James had held her as they silently agreed on what they would do next. They would march to Dumbledore they first chance they got; and demand to be allowed to join the order. James had smiled as he thought of the fact that no one could refuse Lily once they saw that fire of determination in her eyes; even he was scared of her at times. And James decided he would simply refuse to leave until Dumbledore gave in.

Lily and James bade farewell to the rest for the time being, and headed off for their carriage. She sat down and stared out of the window, and James watched her in agony as he took a seat opposite. She had become so quiet since that day; though it seemed to him now that somehow they were able to communicate wordlessly.

"Thinking about Jenny?" he asked her.

She nodded in reply. Jenny had lost her Mother in the attack; she was only of Lily's roommates, and a good friend. James took her hand gently, and their fingers entwined.

"I hate Voldemort. I hate him," she said through gritted teeth.

"As much as you hated me?" he asked teasingly, trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't be stupid."

"Sorry, it's nothing to joke about," he said, looking down.

"No, I just meant…oh never mind."

"You meant what?"

"Nothing, Potter."

"Ah, you're last naming me. Defensive, it must be good," he grinned.

At last a faint smile played across her lips; that was all he had wanted to see.

"It is good. And now that you're interested I'll never tell you," she said, nose in the air.

"Fair enough, fair enough," he replied.

"Don't try to pretend you don't mind so I'll tell you," she laughed.

"I wasn't! I was only messing with you to get you to smile."

"Oh I see," said Lily, rolling her eyes. "So it wouldn't interest you to know that I never actually hated you, I was only acting that way because I was in denial that I really liked you?" He looked up at her in amazement. "As a friend, I mean. I like you as a friend," she added quickly.

He did not look fazed in the least by her final addition.

"Good Lord, Evans. You're going soft! I never thought I'd see the day."

"I am not going soft, Potter. I was just being honest."

"No you weren't," he replied softly, gazing into her eyes.

She had been about to retaliate, or ask him what he meant. But she knew what he meant. And he was right; she _was_ lying about only liking him as a friend…after a few more moments of painfully awkward silence, she noticed something interesting poking out of his pocket. A piece of parchment on which she could distinctly see the fateful words: 'Marauders' and 'Pranks'.

She made a grab for it when he was unaware, asking slyly;

"What's this Potter?"

"That? That's uh…"

"List of possible ingenious pranks for the marauder's last hurrah," she read aloud.

"It's Sirius' idea," James said defensively.

"Mr. Potter," said Lily in a mock stern tone, "are you implying that you are going to abuse your position as Head Boy? I knew this whole reformation act was just a smokescreen," she grinned as she read the parchment.

"No…no, course not!" James stammered. "It's uh…very, very old…yeah, err, we weren't going to do this now…we actually did this in fourth year…when we were--"

"James you are a terrible liar."

He smirked. "I know."

She chuckled softly, and her eyes flashed mischievously. "This looks interesting…I want in."

"I promise you I won't do anything if it upsets you though, I wouldn't--" James continued to ramble, until he listened to what she had said and ogled at her wordlessly. She laughed at his expression.

"Surprised?"

"Very! You want in on a Marauders prank? Evans, are you feeling alright?" he asked, genuinely concerned for her health, and placing a hand on her forehead.

She just giggled and took his hand in hers, putting it back down by his side. Her touch sent shivers down his spine.

"What do you say? Am I allowed to be a temporary Marauder?"

He clicked his tongue, and bit his lip in pretend seriousness. "I don't know about that, Evans. I'll have to check it out with the boys."

"Of course," she replied, echoing his tone, "well, you get back to me."

He laughed, deciding he wouldn't ask her yet why exactly she wanted to do this; she was obviously in an ambiguous mood. Generally speaking, Lily would probably rather lick a toilet clean than break rules. Also, he wasn't sure yet how Sirius would react to the news; considering their minor conflict had been founded on Sirius' fear that something just like this might happen. He hoped beyond hope that he was over it now…the idea of pulling off a spectacular prank with the Marauders and Lily was quite frankly brilliant.

"James, I'm going to join the order. You're with me right?" she asked suddenly, and the atmosphere changed completely in the space of a nanosecond.

"I thought we settled that at your parent's house."

"We did?"

"Silent agreement," he nodded.

"Just checking," she smiled. "We'll go to Dumbledore tonight after the feast?"

---

After a rather flamboyant reunion at the start of term feast the Marauders were now back in their beloved dormitory, eating the snacks Sirius and James had taken from the kitchens while discussing what they had been up to over the holiday.

"France was great!" Remus was saying. "We went skiing, actually, in the Alps?"

"Skiing?" James asked confusedly.

"It's a muggle thing; really fun actually. You sort of slide down snowy mountains on long boards…one for each foot."

"Moony that really does sound absolutely mental," Sirius said.

"It is much less so than it sounds," Remus replied defensively.

"I went to--" Peter piped up, but Remus interrupted him.

"I must be going crazy…is it me, or has James not yet mentioned Lily?"

"No…no there's no way…he must have said something," Sirius said.

"Maybe he--" Peter tried again, but this time James cut across him.

"I haven't actually, Padfoot," he laughed. "Isn't that a breath of fresh air for you?"

"No, it's just suspicious," Remus said.

"Suspicious? Me?" James grinned cockily.

"Oooh, Prongs, you're hiding something," Sirius ogled.

"Maybe," he said mysteriously.

"I doubt--" Peter began in vain, as Sirius talked over him again.

"What is it? Did something happen when we were round her house? You two were up there a while…" Sirius winked.

"Well…"

"Did it?" Remus asked, wide eyed.

"You didn't…you didn't…_you know_, did you? You must be terrible if you did…you were up there barely quarter of an hour..."

"Oh, Padfoot grow up," James moaned.

"Speed demon," Sirius teased.

"You disgust me, Sirius," Remus said.

"Nothing happened," James told them exasperatedly. "Well, nothing much."

"Much?"

"We had a…almost-kiss?"

Sirius and Remus both raised an eyebrow sceptically. Peter had given up on being a part of the conversation, and had just gotten into bed.

"An almost-kiss?" Remus repeated.

"Yeah," James said defensively. "Oh, and, there was definite eye contact. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife."

"Wow. I hope you used protection," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Poke fun all you want, it's going to happen. She is violently in love with me; you'll all see," James said adamantly, nose in the air.

"Yeah, she is," Sirius agreed.

James' head snapped up to gaze at Sirius in disbelief. "She is? I was just protecting my pride there."

"She is," Sirius echoed, taking an enormous bite of blackberry pie. "Any idiot could've seen that when we went over her house. It was in the eyes," he said wisely.

James beamed, before saying. "Hold that thought, I need to ask something."

He explained the his and Sirius' ideas for the prank to Remus, not even noticing that Peter was no longer awake, and then went on to ask if Lily could be involved. A rather unpleasant silence met his request.

Sirius was staring at him open mouthed, "Evans wants to pull a prank?" he asked disbelievingly.

James shrugged. "What can I say? The girl's full of surprises."

"Too right," Remus agreed. "Well, I don't have a problem with it if she doesn't?" he answered questioningly.

"She's up for it," James replied. "I told her I'd check it out with you lot first," he grinned at Sirius hopefully.

"Sounds good," Sirius said after a pause.

"Really?" James asked, breathing a sigh of relief.

He nodded, and replied; "It'll be fun. Plus, she could almost be an alibi. No one's going to suspect Evans are they?"

James laughed. "That's true."

"So was the train journey awkward after your 'almost-kiss'?" Remus asked, struggling to keep the scepticism out of his voice.

"A little bit…she accidentally let slip that she never hated me she was only in denial of liking me. That was a tad awkward…and then after that she saw the plans for our prank poking out of my pocket, and asked to be in on it. But other than that we just talked normally; it was fun. I think she is truly beginning to appreciate my sense of humour."

"Never thought I'd see the day when you and Evans would exchange a civil conversation," Sirius laughed.

"Thanks, Pad," James grinned.

"Here for you mate."

Then James remembered something else that they had discussed on the train.

"Oh…Evans and I decided we're going to ask Dumbledore if we can join the order; she's going to meet me down in the common room soon," he glanced at his watch.

"Join the order? I'm coming," Sirius said immediately.

"Me too," Remus seconded.

Lizzy and Emma had insisted they come too, just as Remus and Sirius had. So half an hour later found Remus, Sirius, James, Lily, Emma and Lizzy all walking to Dumbledore's office; Lily and James in the lead, hand in hand.

"So, what're we going to say?" James whispered to her.

"That we're fed up of sitting around watching people get hurt, and we're determined to be a part of the fight."

"But you know we're putting ourselves in even more danger by joining?" James asked carefully.

She bowed her head gravely. "Yeah…but I have to."

"I know. Me too," he said. "But I couldn't stand losing you."

She looked up into his eyes, and said quietly, "I couldn't lose you either."

He felt like his heart seemed to physically expand as he looked down into those emerald eyes; two beacons of understanding shining out in the darkness. He was so elated by those five simple words that he couldn't even think of what to say, so instead he just put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him. Eventually she said;

"But we both know we're going to do this, anyway, however much we know it's stupid."

"We do indeed, it's who we are," he smiled.

It was in this moment that a switch seemed to flip inside Lily's head, flashes of her and James up in her room, flashes of him asking her out time after time, flashes of him beaming down at her, his hypno-eyes, flashes of them on the Hogwarts express, and back to now '…_the way we are..._'Something in that moment made her shrug off his arm and step away; something made her shut down.

"You alright, Lils?" James asked her confusedly.

"Fine, Potter," she said stiffly, and they walked the rest of the way in strange silence. James always knew it was best to quiet down when Lily went back to using his surname for no apparent reason.

"Liquorice snap," James said to the stone gargoyle, and the six of them climbed onto the spiral staircase which twisted up to Dumbledore's office.

"Ready?" he asked, turning to the rest.

"For heaven's sake Potter, this isn't an after school special; just get on with it," Lily snapped. James frowned at her slightly before spinning back around to knock on the door to his Headmaster's office.

"Come in," came Dumbledore's serene voice once again, and they all crowded over the threshold.

"Sorry, Professor," James said, nervously ruffling his hair as usual. "We were wondering if we could talk to you about something."

Dumbledore held up a hand to indicate he needn't continue, and asked;

"You come to ask me whether you can join the Order of the Phoenix?"

James was momentarily silenced.

"Oh…well, yeah," he replied thickly.

Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flickered between the six students stood in front of him, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"You all fully understand the implications of joining? You understand that you will be placing yourself in extremely dangerous and perhaps life-threatening situations?"

"We do, sir," Lily said firmly, and the others murmured in agreement.

Dumbledore smiled crookedly. "Very well, then I shall be incredibly glad to welcome you into the fold. I'll send notice of the next meeting, where I will introduce you to all our members."

Lily and James automatically looked at each other in joyful surprise; but Lily looked away again almost immediately, and thanking Dumbledore walked straight from the room; leaving the rest to stare after her with mirrored quizzical expressions.

She collapsed onto an armchair in the common room and heaved a great sigh. She had no idea what had changed back there with James; she suddenly felt as though she needed to be away from him. Far, _far_ away. She was staring outside, down at the lake where the gentle waves washed against the banks, and then backwashed back into the water. In a strange way it reminded her of herself; she was so close to him, yet she would always pull away; just as the waves would come to shore, and then retreat back once again into their gloomy depths. She knew she did it, and yet she couldn't stop it. As she sat and gazed down at them, she decided she would just have to be more careful; she couldn't let anything else like almost-kisses and hand holding happen anymore. She was just beginning to wonder why her friends were taking so long coming back from Dumbledore's office when she heard their voices outside the portrait hole; she shook her head to empty it of her thoughts and headed straight for the staircase to the dormitories. For reasons she could not really explain, she didn't feel as though she could be anywhere near him right now.

"Evans!" he called. Too late.

She tried to walk on, but he had anticipated it and run forward to block her way.

"What the hell was that?" he asked her.

"What was what?" she asked with her arms crossed over her chest, not meeting his eyes.

"No, Lily. I am not letting you do this again," he said, shaking his head.

"Do what?" Her skin was suddenly uncomfortably hot.

"You know what," he said quietly.

"I'll do whatever I please, Potter," she said dangerously; finally looking him straight in the eyes.

"Go to Hogsmeade with me," he blurted out. Behind Lily's back Sirius shook his head, wide eyed, and mouthed to James; "_not like that!"_ James chose to ignore him, and Sirius placed his head in his hands.

"What?" she asked exasperatedly.

"Yeah, err, Dumbledore was saying about the next Hogsmeade weekend is soon, after you decided to disappear like greased lightening, and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me," he said in a strangled voice.

Try as she must, she could not stop her stomach from seemingly leaping with joy, or her heart from beating around twenty times faster, and she could not prevent her cheeks from flushing a very violent red, similar to the colour of her hair. James watched the transformation with a grin; which was a mistake.

"Potter what on _earth_ would possess you to think I would ever want to go into Hogsmeade with you? Why would I want to be near you and your stupid smug and disgusting grin for an entire day?"

"So that's a no then?" he asked.

"Big no."

All around them people had stopped whatever they were doing, work or otherwise, to watch the exchange. Lily glared at them all, and then back at James, as if daring him to move out of her way. He too had noticed they had an audience, and was struck by a sudden idea;

"What's that Evans?" He guffawed to the crowd, grinning. "You won't go into Hogsmeade with me?" She turned even redder; which James had not considered would be humanly possible.

"Oh go on, Evans!" several boys from the corner called, whilst others wolf whistled and one of James' many fan clubs burst into a fit of giggles. Lily remained silent, staring at the floor and wishing she were anywhere else. Suddenly, Emma said softly;

"Come on Lils, it wouldn't really hurt would it?"

Sirius positively beamed at her; as did James.

"Absolutely it would!" Lily exclaimed, turning to her friend angrily. "It'd be a miracle if he survived the day."

"Lily, come on, put me out of my misery," James begged teasingly, taking her hand and pulling her back around to face him. She jerked away immediately, but said;

"Fine, I'll go. But just as friends."

"Friends?" He asked; disappointment etched into his every feature though he tried his best to hide it. "That's not what I meant…"

"Friends," she repeated.

And with that she pushed past him and up the staircase; the embarrassment of the moment seemingly coming off of her in heat waves.

---

**A/N Reviews please my lovelies!**


	19. A date

**A/N I cannot actually believe I have 63 reviews! I never thought I'd see the day seriously haha. Thankyou sooooooooo much everyone! Love love love.**

**---**

Transfiguration was the time of day for the Marauders to sit back and relax, discuss whatever was on their minds, or plan their next prank. And this they would usually do in the form of invisible note passing:

Okay; you all have to help me.

_**Look, you're the one who got yourself into this mess, Prongs.**_

**Exactly. We didn't tell you to ask Evans out. She clearly wasn't ready.**

Sirius did tell me to ask her out!

**And you actually took his advice? Bad move.**

Well, why is Padfoot acting all holier than thou when he was the one who told me to?

_**I was merely implying that had you not asked her out so bluntly you would not be in this impossible situation which you are now in, whereby you must somehow turn your 'just friends' date into a full frontal snogging date; which is clearly an impossible task. Especially where Evans is concerned.**_

Well, thanks. That does help a lot.

_Wormtail suggests you should accept it as a day out with a friend; and try to make her fall in love with you that way._

Not following you there, mate.

**That actually makes sense; well done Wormtail. Brilliant. James, just be yourself, and spend some quality time with her alone (because you have only ever spent short periods of time together without the rest of us). There is this thing called chemistry; which you and she just might have if you would give it a chance before jumping straight in at the deep end.**

Might have? Moony, dear man, our chemistry is undeniable.

_**He does have a point. **_

So I have to spend an entire day with her and not flirt?

**Precisely.**

And you think that'll work?

**To be honest, Prongs, none of us can really predict how Evans will react to anything; but I would say this is your best shot. She is definitely very…unique. There is no telling what will happen really.**

Great. My confidence is increasing by the second, this is brilliant.

_**Look, just be yourself. Well, maybe a little less…and keep the arrogance in check. Try to be funny, but in a different way to usual, compliment her lots, and try to be relaxed.**_

Simple then. Just need to change my personality in the next few days and we're there.

_**Also try to be less sarcastic.**_

---

Finally, the dreaded day of James and Lily's "friendly date" had arrived. Lily had determinedly avoided James at breakfast and was now lying face down on her bed; eyes scrunched together in frustration as she tried to restrain herself from screaming into her pillow. This was all getting far too much.

"Lily I just don't understand why you refused to go on a proper date with the guy! One date! What's the problem?" Lizzy demanded.

Without even waiting for Lily to make a reply Emma jumped straight in.

"Yeah and who are you kidding here Lils? You're going to be alone with James all day; that _is_ a date! If it was a friend thing we'd all be there too."

"You can't keep stringing him along, either you go on this thing and you act like a proper date, or we do a group hang," Lizzy went on.

"Group hang?" Lily asked sceptically, lifting her head at last.

"Yeah," Emma nodded. "If it's really nothing romantic then you would just hang around with all of us. In a group."

"So a boy and a girl can't spend any time together alone without it being something romantic?" Lily asked.

"No," Emma and Lizzy replied together.

"And now that I've said I'll go with him…"

"You have to treat it like a real date," Lizzy finished.

Lily dropped her head again, mumbling into her pillow, "great."

"What are you going to wear?" Emma asked.

"Who cares?" Lily replied exasperatedly, her voice muffled.

"What's going on?" Julia, who was one of Lily's other good friends, chimed in.

"Lily has a date with Potter," Lizzy grinned as she strode over to Lily's wardrobe and began pulling out certain items of clothing and displaying them for observation on the floor.

"Seriously?" Jools asked incredulously.

"No!" Lily exclaimed, sitting upright, just as Emma and Lizzy nodded vigorously.

"Can I help choose the outfit?" Julia asked excitedly; all of them had been waiting for this day for years. _Finally_, she and James were going to get together.

"It's not a date," Lily said to Julia.

"It's a date," Emma winked.

"I'm glad you've finally decided to give him a chance," Jools said to Lily.

"Are you even listening? I am not giving him a chance," she retorted.

Julia just smiled, and said; "Now, I assume you want to wear muggle clothes."

Lily rolled her eyes, and shrugging, replied "I guess."

"Stand up," Lizzy instructed.

Lily did as she was told; she sensed she would just have to play along with their little charade.

"What time are you meeting him, Lils?" Jools asked her.

Lily checked her watch and replied; "About an hour."

"Right that's not a lot of time, let's get to work."

Emma, Lizzy and Julia stepped back and each scrutinized Lily's appearance for a moment.

"Right…okay so something for her eyes," Lizzy said.

"Obviously," Jools replied.

"Long legs…"

"Skirt?"

"Something that shows a bit of cleavage but not _too _much."

And it went on like this for a while, until the girls were completely satisfied that there was no earthly way James could resist her, though Emma made a point of saying;

"Come on, Lily could wear a bin bag and stop traffic. And besides, James will love her no matter what she looks like," to which Lily had snorted loudly. It was true however that an hour later, when they had curled Lily's hair with magic, in loose waves rather than ringlets so it gave an appearance of effortless beauty rather than perfection, applied a touch of makeup to her cheekbones and eyes, and forced her into wearing her new dress; which was a gorgeous muted shade of green with a floral pattern in musky pink and a rather tight fit, finishing just above the knees, she did look utterly stunning. The girls stepped back to admire their handiwork, and when Lily turned to see herself in the mirror she too was even a little impressed. She hoped James didn't notice she had made a lot of effort though; she would hate to give him the satisfaction.

"You look amazing," Emma said, beaming.

"Ready?" Lizzy asked rather breathlessly.

"It's not a date," Lily said, heading for the door.

"You just keep telling yourself that," Jools grinned.

"See you later," Lily said to her friends, rolling her eyes but smiling all the same.

---

James was waiting at the foot of the stairs, ruffling his hair and nervously tapping his foot. _It's not a date…_he kept telling himself, _it's just two good friends spending a little more time together…alone…maybe their hands brush together under the table…maybe Lily's skirt flies up in the wind…_As he stood there trying to think of non-flirtatious topics of conversation she came down the stairs, looking absolutely beautiful in a green and pink dress. She giggled when she saw his expression, and he immediately closed his gaping mouth, clearing his throat.

"You…err, you look good."

"It's not a date," she said in a sing-song voice, grabbing him by the arm and leading him to the portrait hole; the sooner this was over the better. "And this is the work of Emma, Lizzy and Julia," she added, gesturing to her attire.

"Still, you look incredible."

She couldn't stop a smile spread itself across her face.

"Should've known you wouldn't make the effort on my account," he laughed, and when he saw her looking at him he hastily added; "Not that you don't look effortlessly beautiful all the time anyway."

"Thank you for backtracking under my icy glare," she said, a faint smile playing across her lips.

"No, I mean it," he said softly.

_Dangerous waters…must change the subject, _she thought to herself as they passed the Quidditch stadium.

"So when's the next match?" she asked lamely, gesturing to the pitch.

"Few days time," James shrugged. "Going to come and watch?"

"Course," she smiled.

"Don't figure you much for being into Quidditch."

"What exactly does that mean?" she asked him.

"Well, you're more of a bookish type aren't you?" he said, grinning.

"Why thank you Potter. There's another word for bookish type people; boring."

"Gracious; going soft _and _a sense of humour! Who knew little miss tightly wound would ever unravel?"

"Thanks for that lovely metaphor. You really know how to flatter a girl, don't you James?"

"Well, seeing as this _is not a date," _he said, echoing her earlier tone, "I don't have to go about complimenting you now, do I?"

"I suppose not…but it seems that little book didn't help much in the girl department really did it?"

"I was teasing, Evans," he chuckled.

"I know, Potter. Lesson the first: I am not stupid."

"The first of many lessons, I hope," he said thoughtfully. "Let's say today is about getting to know each other better."

She paused a little before saying stiffly; "Alright."

"So, tell me something I don't know," he said airily.

"There are so many things in this world Potter that you do not understand that I find it quite difficult to limit myself to just one."

"You are so very amusing, Evans," he said to her, chuckling in spite of himself, "tell me something about Lily Evans that I don't know perhaps?"

"If I tell you something about Lily Evans will you tell me something about James Potter?" she asked.

"I may," he grinned.

"I'll take those odds. Okay…" she paused, casting around for something to say that wasn't mortally embarrassing and yet vaguely interesting, "Lily Evans…ah. Lily Evans is _terrible _at transfiguration."

"Are you?" he looked at her in surprise. "I didn't realise you were bad at anything!"

"I work hard," she shrugged. "It doesn't come naturally to me but I get by."

"Hard working…must be such hard work."

"Insightful, Potter, very insightful," she smirked. "Now, your turn."

They were just coming to the end of the road to Hogsmeade by this point, and the sun was beginning to shine; much to Lily's relief as she had not brought a jumper of any sort.

"Something you don't know about me…" he said slowly. "There isn't a lot; I'm not exactly a closed book."

"Given," she replied, nodding.

James thought about it, and decided that it was worth a try. The situation he was in was pretty all or nothing. He looked down at her, and sighed as he realised he couldn't tell her now. It would have to wait; another time, another place.

"Okay, I...I had a security blanket until I was twelve."

"Twelve?" she asked, eyes narrow.

"Okay, thirteen."

"Liar."

"Fifteen," he said laughing, then after a pause he added, "Okay, I still have it."

What made her like him all the more was not that just that he had the uncanny ability to make her feel completely comfortable with herself, but the fact that under everything he was such a normal, genuine and caring person. Boys who admitted to owning security blankets didn't grow on trees; she wondered why she'd ever felt intimidated by him. She giggled as he warned her if she told anyone about his security blanket, he would turn her into a horned toad.

"…with my spectacular transfiguration skills which I have just discovered you lack."

"Don't worry Potter, your secret's safe with me."

They went on exchanging little factoids for a while, as they sat drinking butterbeer in the three broomsticks, and as they weaved up and down the familiar little streets. Lily could no longer pretend that it didn't feel right….that their being together wasn't perfect. And though he had spent time with her a lot over the past couple of months since they had been friends it had never quite been like this before. This was them together, set aside from the rest of the world and getting lost in each other. Both of them forgot about how they were supposed to feel awkward on their not-a-date and completely let go, enjoying themselves like they hadn't seemed to since that fateful April morning. James forced her into Zonko's and she dragged him into the bookshop; both were openly surprised at how the other's favourite shops were actually vaguely interesting.

They began making their way back down to the castle when they saw it had started to darken, rather startled at how quickly the time had flown by. When they had just stepped out of Honeyduke's, laden with sweets of every kind and still chatting merrily, they suddenly stopped dead in their tracks; looking around. Something had changed…

"Lily, do you sense--?" he whispered to her.

"Something's wrong…yeah," she muttered back, fear crawling at her insides.

"Someone's here…" he said slowly.

She stared around her, whisking out her wand and trying to ignore the rising panic inside of her. "I can't see anyone," she replied after a moment.

"_Hominum revelio," _he whispered, and they both dropped their shopping bags in fright as suddenly seven or eight figures appeared out of nowhere, only metres away. Figures clad in dark cloaks, faces disguised by terrifying masks…slowly closing in on them.

James acted quickly; he knew what to do. "_Expecto Patronum," _he whispered. His stag emerged from his wand tip and galloped off up the street, but he managed to manoeuvre himself so as to hide it from their attackers, partly due to how every single pair of eyes was on Lily.

"Miss Evans," said a Death Eater to her left, his voice deep and terrifying. "I've been sent to deliver a message from the Dark Lord."

"James…" came a petrified squeak from beside him. He grabbed for her hand, and suddenly she felt stronger. _I can do this…_she told herself. With a subtle flick of her wand she performed a silent charm; a protective bubble surrounding them. It would only hold them for a minute or so, but it would help them prepare.

"Remember our lessons…get into duelling stance. Let them know we mean business," he muttered to her. "The others will get the message," he nodded to the direction his stag had gone off in. Lily looked around her…_eight of them, two of us_…she thought the odds didn't look too good. But in those mere seconds before the Death Eaters broke down her barrier, something struck her. The image of them closing in…a raven haired boy with determined hazel eyes…she had seen it before. And in her dream they had beaten them back.

"_Stupefy!" _she shrieked, aiming her spell at the Death Eater nearest her; just as James sent his hex at another.

---

"…no what I'm saying is that, hypothetically speaking if Prongs and Evans were snogging right now…" Sirius was cut off as he saw a pearly white patronus running towards them; in the shape of a stag.

"Isn't that Prongs' patronus?" Remus asked in confusion.

The three boys got to their feet; just as James' voice reverberated around the room.

_We're under attack; Death Eaters. They're after Lily. We're on the road heading back down to the school, just outside Honeyduke's. Hurry!_

All around them, other members of James' defence group had stood up when they heard the message, putting down their drinks and heading straight for the door, shepherded by Remus;

"Come on, move! Any of you who can apparate, get going!"

Sirius turned to Peter urgently; "Go back to the castle and find any teacher you come across, and Dumbledore if you can; quickly!" and with that he turned and ran full pelt from The Three Broomsticks, Remus just behind. Peter stood stock still, paralysed ith fear for a few moments, before pulling himself together and grabbing some green powder off the mantelpiece before casting it into the fireplace of the inn.

Lily looked up from her duel with four death eaters; knowing she was hanging by a thread, to see a group of Hogwarts students running towards them: Sirius and Remus in the lead, just as some apparated around her. It distracted two of the four who were attacking her, as some of James' group had already sent well aimed curses their way. But as she had been watching them approach, revelling in her relief, one of the Death Eaters she had been taking on took the opportunity to send the cruciatus curse. Caught completely unaware, she writhed and shrieked in pain, it was a pain like she had never experienced, it was pain beyond belief…for a moment she forgot who or where she was…and yet she could still hear the wizard cackling mirthlessly all the while. And then, just as suddenly as it was started; it stopped.

"Don't---you---dare---touch---her," James was saying through gritted teeth, looking positively lethal; the death eater now lying on the ground in shock. As Lily lay panting on the floor, her limbs searing with the after shock of the curse; she felt the presence of perhaps twenty or so other people surrounding her. A new determination took her, and a few seconds later she was back up on her feet, guided by the warm touch of a hand enclosing hers. She and James exchanged looks of triumph before they sent one last spell together;

"_Incarcarus!" "Impedimenta!" _

The Death Eaters were outnumbered and they knew it. They retreated into a huddle, pushed back in humiliation by the various spells James had taught the students. The wizard who had cursed Lily, seemingly the leader of the group, cast a temporary protective charm similar to Lily's and turned to his companions. James' troops watched, alert and ready, to see that the Death Eaters merely nodded glumly before starting to disapparate one by one. James distinctly caught the words;

"…_will certainly not be pleased…" _

When he had finished talking to them, the chief death eater sneered at James, his voice pure poison, "It's not over, Potter," before disappearing with a swish of his cloak.

---

**A/N I bet you didn't expect that to happen on their cute little date! Haha dunno if this was a bit of a wacky idea…please review! **


	20. Follow the Beat

**A/N here's what you've all been waiting for….hope you like! It is ridiculously fluffy but then sometimes that's necessary! R&R**

**---**

The whole group erupted into tumultuous applause once the Death Eaters had all disappeared, just as Lily collapsed into James' arms, and Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hutchinson and Waterston apparated amongst them, each wearing an expression of fear and anger. Dumbledore's expression in particular was thunderous. James heard his name called repeatedly but all he could see was the girl lying in his arms; obviously unconscious. He had to get her back to the school.

Just as he had hoisted her into a better position so that one arm was slid under her neck and one arm under her knees, a warm hand gently clasped his shoulder.

"James?" came Dumbledore's soft voice.

James spun around to face him urgently;

"Professor! Death Eaters - Lily was hit with the cruciatus curse - she's hurt--"

"Let us go to Madam Tilly, I trust you've passed your apparition test?"

James nodded, before turning on the spot and disappearing with Lily still lying motionless in his arms.

He opened his eyes to find himself just outside the Hogwarts gates; and without hesitation sped up the path to the front doors, though Dumbledore was nowhere in sight. As he wrenched open the front doors Lily stirred, lifting her eyelids slightly to reveal bleary green eyes.

"…J..James?" she said weakly, looking up at him.

He smiled down at her, feeling a welcome wave of relief. "Hey, Evans."

"You're carrying me," she said sleepily, before dropping her head into his chest, once again out for the count.

James rushed into the Hospital Wing, to find Dumbledore had already somehow beaten him to it. As soon as he had crossed over the threshold Madam Tilly hastened over to him, and levitated Lily gently over to the nearest unoccupied bed. James rushed to her side immediately, eyes darting between her eyes; willing them to open…

"She'll be fine, James," Dumbledore assured him kindly. "The cruciatus curse cannot produce any serious long term effects…that is to say, no physical long term effects"

James turned to look at his headmaster questioningly, and Dumbledore obliged.

"It is said that when a wizard or witch has the misfortune to be placed under the cruciatus curse for a very long period of time…they can be tortured into insanity."

James eyes widened in alarm; tortured into insanity? Dumbledore chuckled softly at his expression, though his laugh was humourless.

"Rest assured, my dear boy, I speak of a much lengthier time than this; Miss Evans will make a full recovery, I'm sure Madam Tilly will be happy to release her by the end of the day. I imagine she is simply in shock. As a matter of fact; how did she fight off the curse so quickly?"

"I attacked the death eater."

"Ah, but of course," Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "I feel I must congratulate you, James. To fight back an entire group of Dark Wizards at your age…what you have done for my pupils; it is quite exceptional."

James did not know what to say, so he just grinned bashfully as he watched Tilly plump up Lily's pillow, and cover her with blanket upon blanket.

"All she needs is a good long rest, love," she said to James. "Come back later and she'll be awake. I could rejuvenate her now but I'd rather she get some sleep."

James nodded, but replied; "I'm not going anywhere," and plonked himself down on the bedside chair. He gazed at her; she looked so peaceful…he gently pushed her hair out of her face and then gripped her hand once again.

"How many death eaters were there, James?" Dumbledore asked him. James started; he had almost forgotten his headmaster was there.

"I think there were eight," he replied.

"Did you happen to recognise any of them?"

James was getting rather irritated now; how would he have recognised them?

"Professor they were wearing masks," he said pointedly.

"I know this. I thought perhaps if any voice was familiar to you…?"

James temper got the better of him; did he look as though he was up for an interview while Lily was lying motionless in a hospital bed?

"Look, Professor, I'm sorry I'm not able to inform you of all their secret identities from the tones of their voices, but I was a little preoccupied with trying to keep Lily safe!" he said angrily, gesturing to her sleeping form.

"They _were_ after Lily, then?"

"Of course!"

"Why do you say that? It is not at all obvious to me why they should make such an effort for a seemingly relatively unimportant seventh year at Hogwarts," Dumbledore said, frowning slightly.

"Seemingly relatively unimportant?" James repeated in disbelief.

"James, you mistake me. I do not mean to imply Miss Evans is unimportant here; I only wonder what of a great significance she can be to Lord Voldemort that he send a band of his supporters to attack her when she is less than two miles from school."

James was silenced. He didn't know why Lily had been singled out, and for now he didn't care. He just wanted to know she was alright; and not scared, upset, or in pain.

"I shall come to talk to you both later when she is awake," Dumbledore said eventually, finally understanding that for the moment James was in no mood to answer more questions.

James nodded again, maintaining his bout of silence, he felt slightly embarrassed for how he had spoken to him, but felt no great desire to make amends for it. He looked up just in time to see the tail of Dumbledore's emerald cloak disappear around the doorway. Heaving a great sigh, he dug out a small and tatty mirror from deep in his robe pocket.

"Sirius Black," he whispered to it, and Sirius' pale and concerned face appeared almost immediately.

"Prongs!" he exclaimed in relief. "Where are you?"

"Hospital wing," James said quietly. "Lily and I are both fine; is everyone there okay? The death eaters haven't come back?"

"We're all fine. No they haven't," Sirius replied. "McGonagall, Hutchinson and Waterston stayed behind just in case they did, but Moony seems to think it was only you they were after…or maybe, Lily?"

James nodded. "There were after Lily. One of them told us Voldemort sent them himself."

Sirius frowned, "Why d'you think he…?"

James shook his head in confusion. "Who knows?"

After a pause, Sirius changed the subject. "So if you two are both fine, why are you in the hospital wing?"

"One of Voldemort's used the cruciatus curse on Evans," James said in a constricted voice.

"But she's alright?"

"Supposedly she just needs rest. Can't say I'm expecting her to be in the highest of spirits mind."

Sirius grinned; but it did not quite reach his eyes. "We'll be over soon, see you later then."

"Okay. You're sure everyone's okay?"

"All accounted for," said Sirius with a weak smile.

James sighed as Sirius disappeared from the surface of the mirror, to be replaced by an image of his own scruffy hair and round glasses. He put it down on Lily's bedside table, just as she shifted slightly, as if uncomfortable.

"Lily?" he asked softly.

She groaned a little, and opened her eyes slowly; blinking them back into focus.

"Where…where am I?" she asked.

"Hospital wing," he replied.

"Why do…why do my arms ache?"

James gulped. Did she not remember?

"You…you were under the cruciatus curse?" he said quietly. "I suppose it…it still…still hurts. We weren't expecting you to be awake for a while actually; how are you feeling? Uh, other than the arms."

"I'm…" he watched her as she scrunched her eyes shut, and then flicked them open again as everything clicked into place. "Death eaters! James…where…what happened?"

"It's okay, Lils," he soothed. "They've gone; we headed them off remember?"

She nodded slowly, "Yeah…yeah…why…why did they come? Were they here for me?"

She was looking into his eyes now, searching them…and he knew he couldn't lie.

"Yeah."

She sat bolt upright, and pulled her covers off; wincing at the pain in her limbs. "I've got to go…I can't be here…"

James pushed her back down by the shoulders forcefully.

"You're not going anywhere, Evans. You need to sleep."

"James! Get off me!" She shrugged him off and slid out of bed on the other side, and started for the doors of the hospital wing. But she did not get far, so worn out were her legs that she staggered and almost fell over; but of course James was there to catch her.

"Lily! I told you, you need rest. Back to bed, come on lovely," Ignoring her violent protests he carried her back over to it, and tucked her in under the covers. "Here, you'd better have some of this," he said, picking up some of the sleeping potion Tilly had left behind.

"I don't need to sleep!" she said angrily.

"Yes, you do," James replied firmly. "Now, open wide."

"Potter, I'm not eight," she reprimanded, but she almost laughed all the same.

"Here comes the choo-choo train!" he joked, spooning some sludge into her mouth. She gagged as she reluctantly swallowed it, and immediately felt overcome with tiredness.

"I'll be right here when you wake up," he assured her, as her eyes drooped sleepily. He went to kiss her forehead, but at the last moment she moved so that their lips brushed together lightly. He started and pulled back to stare at her incredulously, but she was already fast asleep.

---

Sirius rushed into the common room, searching desperately for her. For a reason he couldn't quite describe, when they had been attacked, in the brief moments he thought he might die…all he could think of was Emma. He saw her immediately, enveloping a sobbing Lizzy in a tight hug, and blinking back her own tears.

"Emma!" he called to her.

"Sirius?" She looked up hopefully, her eyes shining, just as she released Lizzy from her embrace.

He ran over to her, and did the only thing which at the time made sense. He kissed her full on the lips, though pulling away rather quickly, when he finally got some perspective on the situation…he studied her face, which was apparently frozen in an expression of surprise, until she eventually pulled herself together and grinned sheepishly from ear to ear.

"Hi," she said; her voice light as a feather.

"Where's Remus?" Lizzy asked, bringing the pair out of their reverie jerkily.

"Hospital wing," Sirius replied, suddenly business-like.

"Is he okay?" she asked urgently. "Where's Lily? Where's James?"

"Yes he's fine. He's with Lily and James in the hospital wing, who are also both fine."

"When we heard…we were so scared…but Dumbledore told us to wait for Lily to come to us, and didn't even tell us whether she was alright!" Emma wailed.

Sirius gave her a light kiss again, before saying soothingly;

"She's fine. She's resting though…because one of Voldemort's guys attacked her with the cruciatus curse…"

Emma's eyes widened in horror. "What?" she asked, aghast.

"Let's go," Lizzy said, up on her feet and wiping her eyes.

Sirius pulled Emma up gently, and slid an arm around her waist as she rested her head on his shoulder, and the three made their way to see their friends. When they came to the corridor outside the Hospital however, they met Remus who was pacing the corridor agitatedly. When he saw Lizzy his heart leapt into his throat; but he forced himself to gulp it back down as always.

"Lily and James are asleep," he whispered. "They're both fine. James insisted on staying with Lily though…and Tilly doesn't want us to disturb them."

"Oh…" Lizzy said, clearly put out. He nodded to her ambiguously, before pushing past them all, down the stairs and away from her…he couldn't be around her anymore…

"We'll come back in the morning," Sirius said kindly, as Emma pulled her friend around and to return to the common room.

"Don't worry, Liz, we know they're alright," she whispered; knowing full well it wasn't so much Lily and James as it was Remus that her friend was worried about.

---

Although Dumbledore had wanted a word with both Lily and James that day, Lily did not wake up after her perhaps overlarge dose of potion until the next evening. She smiled as she saw James fast sleep with his head resting at the foot of her bed; glasses askew, his mouth hanging slightly open…then she remembered what she had done before she had fallen asleep; and felt suddenly sick with herself. Feeling that desire for escape as always, she pulled her legs up to her chest and swung them onto the floor. James moved slightly but did not wake. She tiptoed across the ward and out of the door to head back to her dormitory. But just as she was approaching the fat lady's portrait, she realised she really didn't want to talk to her friends…she didn't quite feel up to recounting yesterday's events; either date or death eater. So rather than heading up to her room, she walked straight past the portrait hole and on to the room of requirement. She couldn't think of what she needed when she walked past the wall; all that came to mind was that she needed comfort. Nevertheless the door appeared anyway, so she proceeded to prise it open. Inside, the room was entirely bare...except for a lone figure lying fast sleep on the floor. As soon as she stepped in, he jerked awake, obviously as confused as she was.

_Unbelievable…I need comfort, and the room gives me James._

"Evans?" he asked groggily. "Uh…where am I?"

"Room of requirement," she answered squeakily.

"How did I…why are you…"

"I came here…because I didn't want to face everyone…and I thought that I needed comfort," she said, gesturing outside.

"And now I'm here?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

She shrugged, as her face steadily filled with colour. For once he did not tease her, he simply got to his feet and asked;

"How are you feeling now?"

She shrugged again. James studied her for a moment, then squeezed his eyes shut, and when they reopened the floor became a sea of cushions. He smiled, and gestured for her to sit down. She giggled and collapsed onto the makeshift bed.

"Good call," she said, looking up at the ceiling.

She felt him fall down by her side, and turned to look at him; there were mere inches between them.

"Inspired by your pillow collection back in your room. So what happened last night?" he asked slyly.

"We were attacked by death eaters, Potter." She replied, turning away from him again.

"Not what I mean," he grinned. "And by the way you haven't yet thanked me for saving you!"

"Saving me? How dare you!" she asked, grabbing the nearest pillow and whacking him across the head with it.  
James held his hands up in surrender, chuckling softly.

"Joke! Bad joke! You were amazing, holding your own against four of them...you're powerful, Evans," he said seriously. Then on a different note, he added; "But I was thinking I might have achieved some sort of knight in shining armour status for that."

She laughed. "Yeah, well think again. But you know I only managed that because of you teaching us."

"Give yourself some credit, Evans. It had nothing to do with me," he replied, following her gaze up to the roof, which at some point in the last few minutes had become an exact replica of the outside sky; much the same as the Great Hall. It appeared to open straight out onto the heavens; inky blue, dotted with hundreds of glistening stars. James frowned at it;

"Did you do that?"

"What, the ceiling?" she replied. "No…I thought it must have been you attempting to seduce me," she grinned.

"Ah don't flatter yourself," he laughed. "Anyway, you didn't answer my question."

"What question?" she asked, feigning ignorance. She had been hoping he'd forgotten.

"What happened last night?"

"What are you talking about?" she stalled.

He sat up, and pulled her up gently with him, lifting her chin with his finger so that their eyes met. He had to see her face when she answered him. After a small silence where they simply gazed at one another, he said;

"You kissed me."

The reaction was almost immediate.

"I did_ not_ kiss you," she spat as she jerked her head away from his hand, stood up and ran straight for the door; but it had gone. She spun around to glare at James accusingly, but he just looked back unabashed.

"Clearly the room doesn't think you should lie to me," he said, as he too rose to his feet. "Admit it, and then in return I'll tell you something. Something I wanted to tell you yesterday on our date--"

"It was not a date."

"Stop lying, Lily!" he said angrily. Then he softened as he added; "Never mind me, stop lying to yourself. Let yourself be happy; you deserve it."

"Oh, Potter you are so full of it," she sneered.

"Admit you kissed me," he said; his eyes boring into hers. After a minute which seemed to last a lifetime to James, she spoke...her voice small, and yet so full of emotion it sounded as though it might burst.

"…I kissed you."

"Say it again," he said gently as he stepped closer to her, and something his Mother had once told him suddenly started to make sense. "Without love, life is like a beat you just can't follow". Suddenly he realised all along Lily had been out of time, and now was his chance to put her right. As he came ever nearer, he tried to see what she was thinking; was she scared? Was she ready now? But her expression remained unreadable…

"I kissed you…"

"Now, I'll tell you the truth," he said softly. "The truth is, Lily, I've been in love with a girl since I was eleven; since before I even knew what a girl was really. Ever since I saw her on that platform, when I realised she was like no one else in the world. She's unique in every way…red hair and a fiery temper…but she can always see the best in people, uncommonly kind and devoted to loving every little thing…she looks a lot like you."

She opened her mouth in surprise, and gasped slightly. He could've sworn he could even hear her heartbeat as he moved his body against hers; but it was lost on him as he realised his own was louder still. They put out their hands to each other at the same time; and their fingers laced, just as James pushed back her hair and cupped her face. He could feel her racing pulse against his fingers…he knew this time it was okay; this time was right. No holding back, no cheats, no falsehoods…he leant in slowly, his lips gently brushing against hers. Moments later and she returned his kiss…it was passionate, hungry and yet comforting and beautiful. That kiss conveyed all the words Lily so desperately wanted to say; everything which had been threatening to burst out of her for all those years. It told him everything he needed to know, and all he would ever need to know.

---

**A/N awwww right? Unfortunately there's more to come, and lots more to go wrong. They're not there yet…keep reading :)**


	21. True Love Never Dies

---

A few days later and Dumbledore had sent notices to be pinned on the boards of all the common rooms, to say that no one was to leave the school grounds unaccompanied by a member of staff (although the Marauders had immediately excluded themselves as always). Along with these, notes had been given out to Lily, James, Remus, Sirius, Emma and Lizzy to let them know that the next Order of the Phoenix meeting would be held Tuesday fortnight; and that they should all come to Dumbledore's office accordingly. It was much to the entire group's anticipation and nerves to receive this information, but they were still determined all the same. Privately Lily thought she would give anything to discuss it with James… but unfortunately for her since their kiss, Lily and James had barely exchanged two words together. She had eventually pulled away and bolted for the reappeared doorway, leaving James to ruffle his hair agitatedly; too disoriented by the incredibility of the kiss to take any action to stop her. And since then, it wasn't so much that she was avoiding him; it just so happened that as chance would have it they had not spent more than a few seconds in each other's company. Lily had patrolled alone every night, unable and unwilling to go looking for James to remind him, and in her spare time she frequented the library. Not because she knew there was no earthly way James would ever go there of course, but simply because of her ever mounting and monumental work load. She usually left the library around six o' clock to head back to her dormitory, (coincidentally the time that James was at Quidditch practise and so wouldn't be there to bump into on the way back to Gryffindor tower, or in the common room). And there she would hide away for the rest of the evening, barring head duties, agonisingly enduring the complaining of her friends.

But that evening, as Lily made her way past the great hall to go back upstairs she walked headlong into someone she did not expect to, so lost in her thoughts to give any attention to where she was going.

"Oh—sorry," she started, looking up to find herself face to face with none other than Severus Snape.

"Lily," he said in pained tones, bending down to retrieve the books she had dropped and handing them back to her.

"Severus," she nodded politely.

"Lots of work?" he asked lamely, gesturing to her load.

"Err…yeah, just keeping busy, you know?" she answered awkwardly.

"So I've heard," Snape replied dryly, looking away.

"What's that supposed to--"

"Well, anyway, I've got to..." he stretched out his arm to indicate to the stairway down to the dungeons, but as he did so Lily caught sight of something on his arm…something dark…in the shape of a skull…She made a grab at his wrist, pulling back his sleeve to reveal the dark mark, unmistakably burned into his skin. She stared at it for a moment, tears welling in her eyes, until Snape collected himself and had the sense to snatch it back.

"You should really be more careful what you show people," she said icily, "looks like I was bang on the money all along wasn't I?"

"Lily…I…"

"Was it you?" She demanded, blinking furiously, "were you one of them?"

"Of course not!" he exclaimed. "I would _never _hurt you."

"Wrong," she replied, taking a step away from him in disgust. "So was it one of your pals then? One of your friends who tortured me and stood there laughing? And I suppose you also know why Voldemort has a personal grudge against me?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, his voice becoming desperate.

"They said Voldemort sent them to deliver me a message."

Snape's face drained of what little colour it had left, and his eyes grew wide as fear crawled at his insides. No, no…he wouldn't…not Lily…her eyes narrowed as she scrutinised him, and she pressed him further;

"You do know, don't you?"

"I…the Dark Lord…he thinks I…"

"He thinks you _what_!?" she asked heatedly.

"I'm…_distracted…_" he said, staring determinedly over her shoulder.

"By me?" she asked, her tone distinctly softer.

He nodded and her eyes were boring into his, tears now flowing freely down her face.

"Why are you doing this? You're not one of them…you're not bad," she said desperately. "Please…don't go where I can't..."

His heart leapt into his throat, but he gulped it down as his pain was replaced with pure hatred and fury.

"That's funny, because last I spoke to you properly you refused point blank to have anything to do with me," he spat.

She chose to ignore him, and pleaded: "Please, just come back to our side…"

"There's nothing for me on your side."

"There's me," she chanced after a pause.

"Stop it!" he cried hysterically. "You and I both know you can't give me what I…we both know what's happening with you and Potter! D'you think I could stand it? Living in his shadow? Watching him having everything I so desperately…no, Lily," he choked on his last words.

"So now, what, I'm supposed to feel guilty? You chose this yourself! No one made you call me a…no one asked you to become like them, Snape! And now you expect me to feel sorry for you?"

"No, Lily," he replied, his dark eyes blazing, "I'm just trying to make you understand...you say your side is the good side…but I can't see what good there is. Watching people squirm at the sight of me…watching you and _him--"_

"Nothing is happening between me and James!" she cried.

"That's not what he's been mouthing off about at every chance he can get!" Snape shouted.

"And I—what?" She asked, looking up.

"Don't fall for the act, Lily," Snape replied brutally. "He's been showing you off as his new girlfriend all week, to anyone who'll listen!"

Lily was momentarily silenced. She felt humiliated…how dare James talk about her as if she was his, his…_prize?_

"This isn't even about James!" She eventually spluttered. "This has nothing to do with him!"

"—it has everything to do with him!" Snape snarled.

"Whatever your feelings may be, however much you loathe him and however much you _think _you like me--"

"I don't _like _you! I lo--"

"No! This is not about that!" she screamed, flailing her arms. "Whatever you feel, it can't justify your decision to become one of them!"

"I didn't realise I needed to justify myself to you at all!" Snape retorted.

"SNAPE YOU'RE A DEATH EATER!" Lily yelled.

He grabbed her shoulders roughly, covering her mouth, "Shhhh!"

She immediately wriggled away, revolted, and threw him one last dirty look before storming off…and this time he knew it was for good. But he had to stop her, he made his decision...he would pay the price...had to tell her what he had come to say;

"Lily! I need to tell you something! Wait!"

She turned for a moment, her eyes flashing dangerously. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say, ever, _ever, _again." And she stormed away down the corridor, slamming doors behind her. He tried again to follow her; but fell back painfully onto the floor when he tried to step forwards, forced back by her signature barrier. She grimaced as she heard him fall; _well done Lily. _At the last minute she turned and rounded it off with a nice tripping hex just as he had gotten back on his feet.

---

James climbed through the portrait hole after Quidditch practise, dripping from head to toe, his robes mud splattered, wearing an extremely ugly expression.

"Prongs!" Remus greeted gaily.

James merely grunted in reply while emptying his shoes of water, just as Sirius came up behind looking just as bedraggled, if not more so.

"Good practise?" Emma grinned.

"Fantastic," Sirius replied, taking a seat beside her and squeezing out the hem of his robes. "Weather was marvellous."

"Sarcasm. Didn't see that coming."

"Hypocrisy never dies does it?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

"Happy to oblige," he smirked.

James turned away in revulsion to Lizzy, who was also determinedly facing away; "Evans already up in her room?"

"Actually she hasn't been back yet," Lizzy frowned. James wheeled around immediately to leave, but she hastily added; "I'll go get her!" and pushed past him. She thought that for whatever reason it was Lily hadn't returned; James could not possibly help the situation.

"Fine," he said glumly. "Make sure she's alright."

"I'll be back in a bit," she said quickly, before heading out.

The search did not take long, just as Lizzy had descended the staircase to the entrance hall she heard Lily bawling like a baby from a classroom nearby.

"_Alohomora," _she whispered, and the door creaked open. And there she was, in a heap against the wall, her make up smudged, her eyes bloodshot and her hair frazzled.

"Lils?" she asked tentatively.

She did not elicit a response, so instead she sat down beside her friend and placed an arm around her shoulder, allowing Lily to cry silently onto her shoulder. It was not long before an explanation came, in searing gasps;

"Liz! Snape—mark---Potter, showing off---Voldemort---_distraction_---Snape…" Lily sobbed.

Lizzy frowned, trying to piece the words together with little success.

"It's okay…" she soothed. "What's happened with Snape, Lils?"

"He has the mark..." she whispered.

Lizzy froze, "_the _mark?" she asked.

Lily nodded, and began sobbing harder than ever.

"Well—did you…did you _talk_ to him about it?"

"He thinks our side is the bad side…because of me…" she wailed.

"What do you mean because of you?"

"Because he's jealous of James...and because he thinks if he can't…be with me, then there's nothing here for him…"

"Lily, listen to me. Whatever he thinks…whatever he's said to you; this is not your fault. No one forced him into anything!"

After a pause, Lily nodded slowly, wiping her eyes.

"I told him that…that whatever he thinks, it can't justify his decision to…to turn."

"And you were absolutely right, okay?"

"…okay," Ever so slowly, Lily regained her composure and her breathing steadied. "I just can't believe this…he was my friend…until Potter--"

"Lily, I don't think you can blame James for this either," Lizzy said carefully. "He used to be an arse only because he saw how close you were to Snape. No one made Snape become like this…it's no one's fault but his own."

Lily simply sniffed in reply, staring at the opposite wall with a frown. She knew for a fact that it wasn't his own fault...his whole life he'd been dejected; and it made her remorse like she'd never felt before. If she'd just stuck by him…if she hadn't been so proud…

"James is worried about you," Lizzy said tentatively.

"Why?"

"Why? Are you going to tell me why you've been avoiding him like the plague for the last couple of days?" Lizzy asked with a slight grin.

Lily reddened, and said to the floor; "because we kissed…"

"You WHAT?!" Lizzy exclaimed, leaning forward off the wall and pivoting to face her friend.

"It was a mistake," Lily said at once. "I don't even know how it happened."

Lizzy completely dismissed this, and went on; "what was it like? Where was this? _When _was this?"

Lily giggled "Actually, you know, it wasn't so bad."

"Shocking. Tell me more, tell me more…"

"It was…it made my knees go jelloid...and for some reason my heart was pumping as if I'd run a marathon."

"How did you leave it? Did you talk afterwards?"

"Actually, I ran away…"

Lizzy sighed exasperatedly but continued to pump her companion for information on when and where. Lily giggled again and went into a blow-by-blow account; which Lizzy appreciated very much.

"What are you going to do about it?" she asked excitedly, when Lily had finished.

"Well, avoiding him has been an excellent way of dealing so far," Lily pointed out.

Lizzy rolled her eyes at her, laughing.

"You're hopeless. But you admit you like him now?"

"No!" Lily replied adamantly.

"_Lily."_

"I don't like him…"

"Yes you do, oh for Merlin's sake just accept it and put all our minds at ease. James is crazy about you, you're crazy about him – just be grateful for what you have…"

"I don't _like_ him…it's more than that," Lily said, her face brighter than the sun. When she fully realised what she had said she smacked her hand to her mouth, and turned to her friend; pointing a threatening finger. "I have _no _idea why I just said that, but it is absolutely _NOT _true. If you tell anyone, especially Potter, I swear I will curse you."

Lizzy raised her hands in surrender; "woah, woah, woah! I wasn't going to tell anyone! But Lily…when? When did this happen?!"

"I just told you it is NOT true. I have no idea where that came from," she spat desperately.

"It came from you being honest with yourself for the first time," Lizzy said gently.

Lily simply sighed and slumped back in response; resistance was futile.

"What are you going to do?" Lizzy repeated.

"I honestly don't know…I mean now that I've kissed him…turning him down is going to be that much harder," she replied slowly.

"Why are you even considering turning him down?!" Lizzy demanded incredulously.

"Why would I consider otherwise?" Lily questioned, completely nonplussed.

"You just told me that you really like him! More than like, you said!"

"And I also told you that I don't know why I said that, and that it was not true. Even so, if it was true…and I'm not saying it is…it doesn't mean I would even _think _about going out with him for a second!"

"You're completely mental, you know that?" Lizzy stared at her friend. "Lily, seriously, how long have you been in love with him?"

"Love? Love? Who said anything about love?" Lily asked jerkily.

"You did?"

"Liz, please," she laughed humourlessly. "I am not, and most certainly never shall be in…_love, _perish the thought, with Potter. Or anyone for that matter," she said indignantly.

"Look…Lily, what you have to--"

But the rest of her sentence was drowned out as all of a sudden, both girls felt as though their eardrums had split from a colossal bang. Lily's stomach contracted with fear, and she instinctively grabbed her friend's arm. The door flew open and James stood there, his eyes bearing down upon them…Lily knew that look; _get ready._ The walls shook as if with the force of an earthquake, as chaos erupted around them…_they were here…_

---

**A/N short chapter…sorry if it's a bit rubbish. Review!! I'm excited about the next one! Also in the next one Peter will join the order – in case you've noticed he's not in it, it is not forgotten!**


	22. The First Battle

**A/N Here you gooo…I worked hard to get this done so fast so you better review me! Or elseeeee. Haha enjoy )**

---

James stood among the rest, trying his best to concentrate on what Dumbledore was saying and desperately trying to ignore how panicked, confused and terrified he felt.

"James?" Dumbledore turned to him.

"Yes, Professor?" he gulped.

"Are you coming with me?" Dumbledore asked.

James glanced at Lily, who was eyeing him fearfully, before nodding affirmatively. "Of course."

"Lily?"

"Yes, Sir?" She looked up at him with fearful eyes, and James saw that, although her frown lifted, there were creases on her forehead which shouldn't be there on someone so young. She had so much to deal with…too much.

"You need to protect the students--"

"No, I want to come--" she made to object but Dumbledore held his hands up in silence.

"Please, I need you to protect them. You're my second front."

She knew that there was no point in arguing, besides, this was an emergency; there was no time for disagreements.

"Of course, Professor," she said resignedly.

"Thank you," he replied before turning to the remaining members of the order who were not already outside fighting to give them their instructions. When everyone present had been assigned a position, Dumbledore said; "Let us go," before leading the way out of the hall to the entrance hall outside; where there was the remnants of the wall which had been blasted open scattered in piles across the floor; and scattered between the bricks and rubble were the figures of duellers; order members and death eaters alike seemingly blurred in motion…fighting to the death.

_How did this happen? _James thought to himself, before glancing one last time at Lily and turning to leave, bracing himself.

"James?" came her soft voice from behind him. He turned around slowly, he felt as though he couldn't bear to look at her face right now…her scared, pale, beautiful face…what if he never saw it again? He did not have long to think about it though, because to his shock a second later she had flung her arms around his neck, and locked her lips with his in a fierce and desperate kiss. He returned it fleetingly, but both pulled away knowing they had other things they had to do now…He looked at her when she had moved away; she did look terrified, dazed and now also embarrassed. He smiled encouragingly as best he could, thinking he would try to understand what had just happened later on…but before he disappeared through the doorway he said to her, clasping her arm to stop her turning away:

"I love you." He felt it was important that she knew that.

She did not say it back, but he saw her wide, searching eyes shining slightly as she gave a small nod, the corners of her mouth twitching. She then looked away to the prefects behind her to speak.

"Okay," he heard her say to them as he forced himself to leave her, "You, head off to the Ravenclaw common room; bring them all around by the bust of Juno…that'll be the safest route…"

James tried to block Lily from his mind for now; he needed to focus. Sirius, Remus and Peter bounded up to him, and all four headed out together, ready for battle. They all exchanged a meaningful look, before James had to duck to dodge a curse sent immediately his way, and they separated. Looking up he saw the one responsible for it approaching him, laughing cruelly.

"Mr Potter?" it was a woman speaking. "Delighted to make your acquaintance," she mocked.

He laughed derisively. "Much as I love the pre-fight battle of the wits, I'd rather we just cut to the chase. And anyway, I don't know who you are, and don't particularly care--"

While he had been trying to distract her, she screamed:

"_Impedimenta!" _

The spell hit him full on, as she cackled mirthlessly, saying; "You should listen to your own advice, Potter!"

"Prongs!" Sirius yelled, dodging a curse and quickly muttering the counterspell; rendering James free to move once more, and now he extremely angry.

"Looks like Dumbledore's favourite boy isn't all he's cracked up to be is--"

"_Stupefy!" _

The death eater was knocked off her feet, and into the opposite wall where she collapsed in a heap; clearly unconscious, her mask sliding off her face to reveal a woman with heavy lidded eyes and matted hair. Bellatrix lestrange, the death eater the ministry were sure they would be catching 'within days' back in April.

"_Incarcarous!" _

The ropes twisted around her, and then James proceeded to levitate her out of the reach of the help of anyone surrounding; everyone would be too caught up in the commotion to even notice her.

_One down…_

Pocketing her fallen wand, James wheeled around to face one of her fellows, and didn't wait a second before roaring:

"_Duro!" _and the death eater immediately turned to stone.

---

"Come on everyone, keep moving!" Lily chivvied, trying her best to sound light hearted. She could not let her mental barrier collapse, because when she did her thoughts strayed to images to James lying motionless…blood trickling down his forehead…

_No Lily…he'll be fine…he's strong._

She rounded a corner, alert, wand aloft; they were almost there. Her immediate instinct was to come here; it was the most secretive place in Hogwarts if ever there was one, and would hopefully protect them to an extent. Behind her were following around a hundred students, the rest had gone with other members of the order, including Lizzy. Emma however had been allowed to fight…Lily's stomach knotted together as she thought of her. It was deathly silent; each and every one of them was expecting the worst. Finally, she arrived, and practically begged the room for protection; but as she was hurrying past the dancing trolls, the temperature in the hallway seemed to drop to an alarming level…so suddenly…_Oh God, not now…_

She wheeled around, dread steadily rising inside of her, to see seven or eight dementors seemingly gliding towards her…everything she hated, everything she feared, everything that made her want to hide in a corner and weep flashed before her eyes…she saw Petunia…she saw Severus…she saw the death eaters closing in on her in Hogsmeade…she saw herself being followed around and jeered at…they were calling her 'mudblood'…humiliating her…

_Focus, Lily…you have to protect them…Dumbledore said…_she was telling herself, but it was James' voice echoing through her mind.

She blinked her eyes into focus, forcing herself to face them head on. Students were unconscious…calling to her for help…some trying and failing to produce a patronus.

_A happy memory…a strong memory…_

It did not take long to figure out which one to use. She let it fill her up…how she felt as if she was meant to be in his arms…it was her place…the softness of his lips, the fireworks inside…

"_EXPECTO PATRONUM!"_

The doe charged at them, the temperature began to return to normal, the dread and iciness in her stomach seemed to lift, her heart lightened…and they were going away, pushed back by the power of her emotions…she waited until they had all disappeared completely; but did not allow her patronus to disappear just yet. Still clinging onto her memory for dear life, she started to order people in;

"Go, quickly! Hurry!"

Many obeyed straight away…but some were left lying on the floor; breathing heavily, some with tears falling from the ends of their noses. She moved to each of them, helping them up, willing them to move on. She gently pulled a terrified second year girl to her feet;

"Come on," she said gently, as an older student came over to help; flashing her a forced, but real smile.

Once everyone was finally inside, she glanced up and down once more, cautiously checking for signs of death eaters, dementors or anything else…nothing. She sighed quietly in relief; and then pointed her wand to the door;

"_Silencio." _

She opened it, and stepped in herself, closing it behind her as quietly as possible; and unnecessarily now that it was silenced. She then muttered;

"_Colloportus," _and the door made an odd squelching sound as it locked.

She turned to the ashen faced people before her, and asked them to group together in a vague kind of circle. They did so immediately. She joined them, and then moved her wand in a kind of swishing motion around them all, saying;

"_Cave Inimicum!" _

She sensed it had worked; she could feel the energy surrounding them. This was the most powerful protection spell she knew of; they were as safe as they could be.

"There," she said turning to face them once again. "We're safe."

When they looked at her doubtfully, she amended with;

"Well, as safe as we can be…given the situation…don't worry, I promise nothing will happen to any of you. We have it all under control,"

"Oh, yeah, and that's why we're hiding away in the room of requirement!" a fifth year boy piped up sardonically.

"Hey! Listen to her! Did you see the patronus she made?!" shrieked a third year in her defence. "Think how many of us there were; think how much the dementors had to feed on!"

"Well, she is a seventh year! Patronus charms aren't _that _advanced!" he retorted.

"Yes they are! Professor Hutchinson once told me they're one of the most difficult--"

"Shut up!" Lily yelled, and they were silenced. "Everything will be fine! I've been told by Dumbledore to take care of you; because he knows that I can! Downstairs are members of the order, the teachers, and Dumbledore is working on getting the Aurors from the ministry here. You need to calm down, we'll all be okay. Just trust me."

"But how did they get in?" said a small voice from the back of the crowd. Others turned to Lily quizzically, some saying; "yeah, how did they?"

Lily looked to the floor; truth be told she had been wondering that herself. It was said that no one could break down the charms and bewitchments Dumbledore had set on the castle…she frowned to herself…

"Someone inside the castle must have helped them," A sixth year she knew was called Sam Weatherly said from nearby, his eyes fixed upon her.

Lily gasped slightly, as something suddenly clicked into place…_oh no…_

"_**SNAPE YOU'RE A DEATH EATER!"**_

"_**Lily! I need to tell you something! Wait!"**_

"_**I don't want to hear anything you have to say, ever, **_**ever**_**, again." **_

Her eyes widened in horror, and she felt a lump rising in her throat…Snape? Snape was behind all this? No, he couldn't be. Maybe he just knew about it…he had wanted to warn her…And she hadn't let him…she could've stopped this from happening…she could've told Dumbledore earlier, but she had not let him speak…if anything happened to Emma, Liz, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter…_anyone…_it would be all her fault…she clapped a hand to her mouth and felt her eyes stinging…

But just then she heard movement outside in the corridor and hushed them all unnecessarily; they had already quietened instantly. Lily held her breath, recounting in her head every spell she knew if the need should arise…but to her intense relief the footsteps just passed on by. There was a collective sigh throughout, and from that moment onward not one of them said a word. Some sat down, but Lily would never sit down while she had breath in her body…not until she had news…not until she knew the people she loved were safe…

Downstairs the Marauders and Emma were still duelling fiercely, just as they looked up to the oak front doors to see Dumbledore…his eyes ablaze with anger that James had never truly seen before; and behind him were perhaps fifty or so other witches and wizards; all with their wands out, their faces set in determination. They moved past him, while Dumbledore merely stood drinking in the scene menacingly for a second longer…as most of the death eaters almost stopped what they were doing; once again outnumbered. And where was the Dark Lord? He had not arrived…they could not attack _Dumbledore_ themselves…even their master feared him…they began falling to the floor one by one, as Aurors, order members and students alike continued to fight. Dumbledore began moving around the room, placing anti-disapparating jinxes on every body; they were trapped. James felt almost elated; some of the terror disappearing…they were saved, they were going to win…

"_Stupefy!" _he cried, and then whooped in triumph as another masked figure collapsed helplessly in a heap. He turned to Sirius with a celebratory glance, and caught sight of his petrified expression. He followed his gaze, past him and to enormous hole in the wall of the castle; where _he _was standing…his red eyes alight with malice, hatred, and pure unadulterated fury.

Instantly one of the only remaining cognisant death eaters hurried up to him, begging...

"My Lord!" he exclaimed, bowing down to him. "We are so very sorry…we were outnumbered…the ministry's Aurors arrived…members of Dumbledore's order…"

"Quiet, Mulciber! I see that many of my most loyal supporters have been brought down," he said in a cruel, high voice, eyeing their unconscious forms; "it would appear that they are defeated…by school boys." His final three words, which had been expressed so delicately, seemed to emanate anger like James had never felt before. He never knew anyone could have so much hate in them.

Mulciber whimpered in fear, but thankfully for him, someone stepped in.

"Ah, Tom. I was wondering at which point you would choose to arrive," Dumbledore said in pleasant tones, appearing in front of him. Voldemort's eyes flashed in…fear? By now every wizard in the room had stopped what they were doing…they were not needed now… "I assumed you would show yourself if you saw the situation getting out of hand."

"You think you have won," Voldemort said, recovering. "How wrong you are."

"I am not afraid of you, Tom. As you very well know," Dumbledore replied lightly.

Voldemort seethed at his use of his former name…the name of his inferior, mudblood father…

"It was incredibly foolish to launch an assault on my school so early on, when you are clearly outnumbered, and of course, since I am here. And while I am you cannot hope to achieve what you so obviously wish to, especially as your sense apparently clouds over as soon as you see a threat; i.e. me. I have said it before and I shall say it a hundred times if there is any chance you will one day understand me. Death is by no means the worst thing that a person can endure. Death is just another journey…one that we all must take. Even you, Tom," Dumbledore continued.

"There is nothing worse than death. I shall say it a hundred times if there is any chance you will one day understand _me. _And you needn't pretend to be a self righteous man to me, old man, I know exactly what you sought. What you seek. I do not need to be told to behave myself by a man who has treaded down the same path himself! I do not need to be ordered around by a man whose forgotten footsteps I am following in!" Voldemort sneered. "Now pray, enlighten me, Dumbledore, what is it I obviously wish to achieve?"

"I think it best that you leave," Dumbledore carried on, ignoring whatever 'footsteps' Voldemort was referring to. "For I should hate to have to kill you."

Voldemort laughed a high pitched, humourless and terrifying laugh. Dumbledore was entirely unfazed, and by simply glancing around at Voldemort's defeated cavalry, he got his message across. An expression of disappointment and anger flitted across Voldemort's features as he studied his surroundings…now was not the time…he could come back when he was stronger…

"I do not need my death eaters to kill you, old man," he spat. "And mark my words; one day I shall…"

"Perhaps one day you will," Dumbledore nodded. "But not today, Riddle. Today you must leave and I ask you never to set foot near my school again," his tone changed radically with the last sentence.

Voldemort laughed again, as if he, Lord Voldemort, should listen to anything this old fool had to say. As if he would be threatened by this pathetic shell of a sorcerer. And then wish the slash of his wand; the room filled with a thick and impenetrable cloud…

James coughed his way through it; calling out for his friends….what had happened? Where was everyone? He groped around through the darkness…

"Sirius? Remus? Pete? Emma?" he called out, but his voice was lost in the density of his surroundings. "…Lily…" he added under his breath.

All of a sudden the fog lifted, and James' eyes landed on Dumbledore who was breathing rather heavily…he looked around immediately for Voldemort…for his death eaters. Every one of them had gone…had disappeared as quickly as the cloud…

"Professor Dumbledore?" he gasped. "How did they---how did they get away--?"

But his words were ignored, drowned out as the room erupted into the loudest, most earth shattering cheers…_they had won. _James momentarily forgot his question, and turned around to grin at his friends; all of them thankfully still in one piece. Remus was already leaving; no doubt to find Lizzy. Sirius launched himself at him, hugging him awkwardly, and when they parted both cleared their throats gruffly as Emma giggled to herself. James turned away as the couple embraced; to face Dumbledore, looking down at him in admiration…and for once he felt as though she deserved it.

"I believe that is the last we will be seeing of him for a while…she will be in the room of requirement, I expect," Dumbledore said gently.

James nodded gratefully and turned to spring up the staircases as fast as his exhausted legs could carry him.

----

**A/N I hope you like…I know I keep on using the room of requirement; but its so multipurpose…for obvious reasons! Also here I wanted to because Lily sort of felt safe there, as it was her and James' place. Also a lot of people have told me that in the books Voldemort didn't attack Hogwarts til Harry's 6****th**** year – yes, this is true, and admittedly I forgot about it, but don't you think it makes a good story? Anyway review! Now )**


	23. Moments That Matter

**a/n 102 REVIEWS! THANK YOU SO MUCH REVIEWERS, I LOVE YOU ALL!! Especially some of you who've reviewed ever since the start :) I hope you like this chapter, here is the epic chapter(!!). I think next chapter will be the last one sniff either that or the one after. But I'm thinking I might do a sequel if anyone's interested? Yeah so sorry this is so immensely long, but when I thought about splitting it into two it didn't seem right 'cause it all goes together. If I separated it, it wouldn't "flow". Okay so here goes… **

**---**

"Lily?" James called to the blank stretch of wall. "Lily we've won! They're gone! He's gone!"

Inside the room, she looked up urgently as a wave of relief came crashing down over her. James? James was here…she looked around; everyone was watching her imploringly.

"James?" she replied tentatively, moving forward and biting her lip. "Are you okay?!"

His heart swelled at the sound of her voice, and he replied;

"I'm fine! Are you? Open up!"

A few minutes later and he still stood there awkwardly, waiting for her to open the door.

"Evans?" he tried again nervously.

"How do I know you're not an impostor, Potter?" Lily said slightly teasingly, slightly seriously; now standing right behind the hidden door.

He almost laughed, but decided better of it. "Uh…ask me something only the real James would know."

"What is my favourite book?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know? I reckon the name of the game is you ask me something about myself," he said wearily. "Just let me in!"

She couldn't help but toy with him now that she was certain.

"What colour underwear am I wearing?" she whispered dramatically, trying desperately to stifle a laugh.

Now it was James' turn to wonder.

"Are you feeling alright, Evans? For a moment there it sounded as though you were flirting with me. Need I remind you that we're in the middle of a War here, and that around a hundred people are standing behind you?"

"Okay, it's you," she allowed, finally grasping the seriousness of the situation and pulling on the door handle.

His eyes lit up as he saw her, but he never actually came in because after looking him up and down to be sure he wasn't hurt, she launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he lifted her off the ground. They stayed that way for several moments, never wanting to let go.

"He's really gone?" she whispered into his ear.

"Really, really."

"And everyone's okay? Emma, Liz, Sirius, Remus? Peter?"

He grinned slightly into her hair, before he gently lowered her to the ground, still refusing to release of her hands.

"They're all great."

"Oh…thank God," she said faintly.

Behind them the entire room broke out into tumultuous applause, some people whistled; and both blushed when they remembered they had an eager audience. James gestured down the hall in the direction of the kitchens, to which she nodded cautiously. At some point they were going to have to discuss whatever was going on between them…the thought of it made her insides bubble up with nerves.

She spun around to the crowd to explain, just as Professor McGonagall came bustling down the corridor. The pair had to break apart as McGonagall enveloped Lily in a stiff hug; to both of their surprise.

"Miss Evans!" she sniffed. "Thank you for looking after the students…we're all so proud of you two…" she said, eyes flickering between both Lily and James, causing them to turn even pinker. They said nothing, just grinned bashfully.

"You go on," McGonagall said, a knowing glint in her eyes. "I can explain everything," she indicated to her pupils who were still waiting in anticipation.

"Let's go," James whispered, leading Lily by the hand away from the scene. When they were out of McGonagall's hearing range he added, "Sirius is planning the party of the century."

"I'd expect no less," Lily smiled. She gave a sigh, and James glanced sideways at her.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded slowly. "I was so scared..."

"We were all scared," he agreed.

"I was scared for you,"

"I was scared for me too," he forced a grin, before his expression soon became stony again.

"Did you see him?" she asked fearfully.

He nodded gravely. "What happened?" she pressed.

"Dumbledore," he said simply. "Took a few death eaters out myself though…"

She looked up at him for a fraction of a second, and then they walked the rest of the way in near silence, Lily's stomach fluttering at the slightest touch.

"Are we getting food for Sirius' party then?" she asked, as she watched James tickling the pear on the painting outside the kitchens.

"We are," he replied shortly. "And then we're going to talk."

She gulped, and followed him in.

---

James was sure the party in the Gryffindor common room that night would've gone down in Hogwarts history as the greatest, liveliest, noisiest and most obnoxious ever to have been seen there. Sirius was completely off his head within the first fifteen minutes, and what was even more amusing was that Lily too seemed to be rather away with the fairies. In fact, when it got to around midnight James would have said she was incandescently smashed. In some respects this was brilliant because, truth be told, he had never loved her more; Drunk Lily really was quite a laugh. But on the other hand it meant they could not talk seriously until the next day; when she would be in a foul mood from the inevitable hangover. James himself felt he could not drink; it didn't seem appealing as it usually did. He was only on his fifth firewhisky. Lily however had just slammed down the empty bottle of her sixteenth on the table, and was now gazing up at him bleary eyed. James was actually quite impressed with her; he had always had her pegged as some prancing lightweight. It only added to her perfection.

"You know, James," she slurred. "You are actually, quite devastatingly sexy."

He couldn't help but enjoy that. He began to wonder what else he might get out of her.

"Oh really? Devastatingly sexy…well I'll take it as a compliment Evans. What exactly do you like most about me?"

"Your eyes," she said at once. "Actually, I realised _ages _ago…probably in….fifth year that you had the best, most bloody gorgeous eyes I've ever seen. Did you know that, James?"

He grinned at her.

"No, Lils I didn't know that. But it's definitely nice to hear. And I know that you won't remember this tomorrow but your eyes are wonderful too. In fact, everything about you is wonderful," his eyes flitted for a moment to her chest, knowing full well that sober Lily would have kicked him hard in the shin if she caught him looking. However, presently she just giggled at him. And then suddenly her eyes bulged dangerously.

"Are you going to be sick?" he asked urgently. "Here, hang on," he summoned a bucket from the corner, which Sirius had brought in case of emergency.

"No…no s'okay," she said, grabbing his shoulder for no particular reason. He gripped the hand she had placed there instinctively, and tucked her hair behind her ears; debating whether snogging her now would be morally okay. It could be viewed as taking advantage…

"D'you want to dance?" she said eagerly.

"I'm not sure you're quite up to dancing my dear Lilyflower," he smirked, sitting back in his seat and stretching his arms above his head.

"James?" she said softly, moving closer to him.

"Mm?" he replied lazily, slipping an arm around her waist.

"I want to tell you something," she whispered. "But shhh, it's a secret!"

"I won't tell anyone," he echoed her tone, putting a finger to his lips to humour her.

"I'm really scared," she said, spinning her empty bottle on the table.

"About what, love?" he asked gently. She was not talking about the war…

"About us," she said, frowning.

He sat up a little straighter…she had his full attention now.

"What d'you mean?"

"Well…if we did, you know…you might just lose interest…'cause it's just the chase. Everyone knows I'm not good enough for you…I'm just boring Lily," she said in a sing song voice. "Just bookish, head girl Lily. Never really had a relationship before….don't understand how to be a…and then, with the pain…Tuney and Snape…and then you, I couldn't take it, you know?" she asked looking up. He was watching her, his mouth hanging slightly open. This was what she was afraid of? This was what was holding her back?

He opened his mouth to protest but she carried on fluently;

"Sometimes I just think I don't really know why you like me…" she mumbled. "Don't deserve it…s'all doomed…can't…no…" and with that she passed out, her head falling onto his chest.

He watched her for a moment, trying to recover from this shocking revelation. She started to snore loudly and several people turned to look, so he proceeded to carry her up to her room. For some reason, the staircase did not turn into a slide; but his mind was too busy to even remember that it ought to. He lowered her gently onto her bed, and kissed her nose before whispering.

"Goodnight, my brave little soldier."

---

Lily woke up the next morning with a dreadful pounding headache…when had someone turned up the volume? Every noise seemed to reverberate deafeningly inside her ears as if on a loop. A bird was singing outside, and Lily was suddenly possessed with a strong desire to shoot it. It took a great deal of effort to sit up, and once she was upright her head seemed to physically explode with pain.

_Okay…need a potion…Tilly…_

Having stumbled down the staircase, she practically fell onto a chair, massaging her head and cursing under her breath.

"Morning sunshine!" came James' cheerful greeting.

Lily groaned and replied;

"Can you not shout?"

"No one's shouting, I think it just might be the a thousand units of alcohol you consumed last night," he laughed as he made his way over to her.

"I'm glad you find pleasure in my pain," she said bitterly. "Anyway I need to find Madam Tilly."

She tried to stand up weakly, but James pushed her back down.

"And tell her you need some potion for a hangover? That'll go down well," he said sarcastically.

"Well I'm not going to suffer this all morning!"

"Course you're not," he agreed. "Here. Padfoot and I have kept a store of this stuff since we were fourteen." He said it almost proudly.

She squinted up at him, and saw that he was holding out a goblet to her.

"Thanks," she mumbled, as she gulped it down as if her life depended on it.

"No problem," he replied without any attempt at masking his amusement.

She handed the empty glass back to him, feeling already a little better.

"Did I do anything stupid?" she asked bluntly.

His eyes sparkled mischievously.

"Well…" he said slowly. "No, not as such."

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she demanded suspiciously.

He shook his head at her, smiling slightly. "You didn't do anything stupid."

"Oh, okay…" she said hesitantly, feeling sure he wasn't telling her everything. "Well…what now?"

"What d'you mean?" he asked quickly.

"I mean…uh, with the war, and…school, and stuff. You know?" she peered at his smiling eyes uncertainly.

After a pause James decided on saying; "Well, what happens now is that I'm going to take some potion to Sirius as he was perhaps even more wasted than you; and then you and I are going to chat."

"What about?" she asked nervously.

"Everything," he said simply. "Wait here."

She did not wait, as soon as James was out of sight she legged it without a moment's hesitation. She could not talk to him about how she felt until she knew herself. She ran and ran…hoping that somehow the answers would come.

---

"Prongs…" Sirius said groggily. "Potion?"

"Got it here, mate," he replied, handing it over to a very grateful recipient.

"How's Evans' head?" Remus smirked.

James laughed and replied; "Gave her some of our special concoction. She's alright now." He went over to his trunk and began searching for something. When he eventually pulled out the map, Peter asked him;

"What d'you need that for at…" he checked his watch. "Ten in the morning?"

"I just told Evans we need to talk about…us. I need it to see where she's run off to."

Remus chuckled appreciatively. "You know her too well."

"Maybe," James nodded. "Wish me luck!" He bolted for the door but was stopped once again by;

"So what _is _happening with you two?" Sirius asked slyly, beginning to recover from the potion.

"She kissed me yesterday…"

"What? You mean she actually initiated contact?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"Mmhmm. I initiated our first kiss…but this time…" he felt a smile spread itself across his face.

"Congratulations, Prongs," Remus said, beaming at him.

"Go ask her out!" Sirius said abruptly. "Now!"

"I was just…preparing," James said indignantly.

"What are you going to say?"

"That is what I was preparing."

"Ah. Well how's about you start with; 'Lily, I love your juicy yet firm breasts and you kiss like a Goddess'?"

"I never said any of that!" James piped up.

"Wrong. After Lily zonked out on you, you started to rethink your whole sobriety act. You said some pretty interesting things," Sirius winked.

"Is that why I've got this throbbing headache? I thought it was just Lilyitus," he mumbled grumpily. "What else did I say?" he asked, looking up.

"That, my friend, is a secret best kept for the best man speech I shall make on your wedding day," he grinned.

"What if I make Moony my best man?" James teased. Sirius clutched his chest, gasping dramatically as Remus sniggered.

"You promised me when we were eight!" he said, aghast.

"That's alright Prongs, let Padfoot be the big man; you know I'd never be able to cope with the speeches and all those people…staring at me…" he shuddered.

James sighed jokingly. "Alright then," he said mock heavily. "Sirius you can be my best man. Please don't bring up that incident with Lily in first year."

"What the one where you--"

James flailed his arms around to hush him. "Let's never speak of it again."

"Okay, you're giving me some pretty good material here Prongs old fellow. I'd basically forgotten that happened."

"Look--" Peter interrupted. "I think we're wasting time here. By this time Lily could be in Nebraska."

"Good point," James nodded. "So…strategy anyone? Anyone other than Sirius that is."

"Just find her and talk it out," Remus advised. "You're not even sure what she's thinking and feeling right now."

"What if she just turns me down again?" James asked, biting his lip.

"It would not be altogether surprising," Peter said lightly, but Remus gave him the death glare before saying;

"If she does then she's being unreasonable. She can't kiss you and then act as though nothing's going on."

"She said some stuff last night when she was drunk, just before she passed out," James recounted her every word; having repeated them inside his head every waking moment since.

Silence met his words, Sirius scratched his head, Peter raised an eyebrow and Remus frowned thoughtfully.

"I don't know how to show her that none of its true…she doesn't seem to understand how I--"

"Just tell her," Remus said simply. "Tell her exactly how you feel, and she'll be able to see it's the truth. Tell her you'd never dream of hurting her."

James nodded slowly. He struggled to think of how he could explain how he felt…he'd always had a problem where it came to talking to Lily. He could never say what she wanted to hear…he sucked on his lip again.

"She'll believe you," Remus added gently.

---

"_I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," _James whispered to the parchment, now standing outside the portrait hole and trembling with nerves.

"Lily Evans…Lily Evans…where are you?" he muttered to himself, scanning for her little black dot. Finally he saw it…and much to his dismay, she was in the girl's bathroom. "Trust her…she goes to the one place she knows I can't." he chuckled to himself.

But he was not going to be deterred that easily, so he marched determinedly to the girl's loo on the fifth floor, and, steeling himself, knocked hard on the door.

"Evans! Come on out, love, we need to talk!"

"No!" he heard her sniff. Was she crying?

"I'll come in!" he threatened.

"You wouldn't," she said calmly.

"I'm giving you ten seconds…10…9…8…"

"James you are not going to walk into the girl's loos," she stated, and he could now hear laughter in her voice.

"I am prepared to do whatever it takes, believe me. You have been warned, Evans. 7…6…5…4…"

"I'm not going to give in, Potter!"

"3…2…1…" he took a deep breath, and pushed open the door, firmly covering his eyes with his hand as he entered.

Lily looked up from her position on the floor, wiping her eyes to see James stumbling around like a blind man, covering his eyes with his hand and groping the air around him. The sight made her erupt into a fit of laughter.

"Told you I'd come in," he said gaily. "Now where are you?"

Two other girls had now poked heads out of their cubicles, and were staring incredulously at James.

"Potter--" Lily gasped. "You are making quite an exhibition of yourself, you know."

She jumped up, gave the girls an apologetic look, and proceeded to grab James by the wrist and drag him outside, still giggling herself senseless. James' eyes flickered open, as he breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

"Phew," he said, wiping his forehead.

"That was so romantic, Potter." Lily joked, steadying herself at last.

"Alright, alright. But it worked didn't it? You're here now, and I'm not letting you go until I've had my say," he said persistently.

"Are you sure you want to talk? Maybe we should just--"

"Cut straight to the kissing?" James intercepted hopefully.

She rolled her eyes, but gave him a slightly alluding look all the same. After a second longer of James waiting for her approval she looked up and down the corridor, and replied;

"Alright…what is it?"

"Do you remember what you told me last night?" he asked her.

"Potter as you must know I have basically no recollection of anything that happened last night," she laughed.

"Since when do you drink like that?" he asked, tilting his head.

"Let's not get melodramatic. It was a party, I was just having fun," she said defensively. He decided to let it slide; he had definitely done the same in his time.

"Hmm, okay. Well, you told me that you were scared…of us," he said carefully, and she blushed furiously with widening eyes. "Is that right? You think I'm going to up and leave you, and I'm only in it for the chase? You think you don't deserve me? You think you're boring? You don't know why I like you?" he studied her expression, which flitted with pain and embarrassment. She shrugged and made an odd sort of gurgling noise, spluttering incoherently.

"Lily," James said seriously, lifting her chin. "I don't think you understand quite how much I love you…"

Hearing him say it was like an alarm bell sounding in her ears…but at the same time all she could think about was his lips on hers…their bodies becoming one…she swallowed and shook her head out of his hand. He watched her with a pained and confused expression.

"Lils, I would never, ever hurt you--"

"You can't promise that," she said fiercely.

"I think you'll find I can," he replied. "What scares me most is the idea of you being in pain. I could never be a part of bringing that around…ever…"

"Oh, is that why you turned my best friend against me?!" she shrieked through angry tears. "Is that why you've been showing me off as your new girlfriend all week?"

James blushed. "Oh, you know about that huh?" he rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the ground.

"Yes I know about that! And thanks to you, Snape's become a death eater! You think that doesn't cause me pain?!"

"I'm sorry, okay?" James replied angrily. "But you can't blame me for everything that goes wrong in your life! I didn't make Snape go bad. And what's with your doom and gloom mentality? Relationships aren't perfect, Evans, what are you expecting?!"

She tore her gaze away, blinking furiously and at a loss of what to say.

"And as for you being boring and not 'deserving me', you must be a mad; you really are one of the most fascinating people on the planet. And it is quite the opposite; I don't deserve _you_ (which is actually what I thought you thought all along). There's not a part of you I'm not in love with, from your irrational fear of letting me in to how much you care for others, and how you so desperately want to prove yourself, to do the right thing. You…" he trailed away, swallowing. "Lily…will you go out with me?"

She snapped her head up but didn't answer straight away.

"This is real," he said, his eyes boring into hers. "You must know how we feel about each other is _real."_

She placed her hand on his, and he turned his over inside hers so that they were linking fingers. They both felt electricity travel up and down their arms, sparked from their touch. She knew what she was going to say, and she hated herself for it…

"I'm sorry," she said, a silent tear rolling down her face. "I just can't" she whispered.

He pulled away, shaking his head, and was ashamed that his own eyes were now prickling uncomfortably.

"Why are you fighting this? What's stopping you from letting yourself be happy? I do love you, and you know it. And you love me too…"

"No, James…I can't…"

"How dare you?" he cried. "You can't keep stringing me along like this, you do realise that one day you'll finally crack? You'll crack up from all this…depressing aura! And who's to say I'll still be there for you when you finally--"

She clenched her mouth together, and said through gritted teeth;

"Potter, just stay away from me. My answer, is no."

"Right you are, love," James managed, his voice thick and heavy.

A few more moments saw them standing opposite one another, glaring into each other's eyes. Lily's instincts told her to take it all back, and allow herself to be free. But then she told herself that you should never love. Love means pain. She thought of her sister…of Severus…and then of James' expression now. Love isn't worth it. James shook his head disbelievingly one last time, and then walked away, feeling as if every step and every breath cost him the world. He can't be giving up, Lily thought as she watched his retreating form. She wanted to fling herself at him, do anything and everything to stop his face from looking like that. But her inner bitterness won over, the bitterness he had helped create that day when he broke her heart by the lake. So she just let him go, wishing she could just die on the spot.

(**A/N I know you're probably hating me right now. Just hang on it gets better. MUCH better…)**

**---**

Over the next few days Lily felt acutely aware of every couple she saw. She felt aware of how they were holding hands, kissing, and talking to each other as though they were the most important thing in the world. She became detached from her friends when she realised she couldn't bear to be in James' presence for more than a millisecond, and he obviously felt the same. So she had decided that she would stay away so that he could be with his friends, she at least owed him that. And everywhere she went she was weighed down by the impossible guilt and overwhelming sadness at what she'd lost…what she'd ruined. And still she didn't act on it.

Four days later, she was sitting by the lake, gazing into its depths wistfully. She had not seen James at all recently, he was not at breakfast (Sirius told her bluntly he had been eating in the kitchens to avoid her) and he had hidden in his dormitory most of the time. In lessons he kept his head down, unusually quiet and subdued. Even the teachers had noticed he had stopped interrupting with his sarcastic comments and silly pranks. Furthermore, not one person in the school had failed to notice that he was not speaking to Lily Evans. Every member of staff, and every student knew that something had gone wrong between them; and very unfairly they all blamed James. They all seemed to think they had gone out and he had cheated or some such thing. This made Lily feel even more pressurised and isolated by her own guilt. As silent tears rolled down her cheeks, she looked up from the water to see a couple embracing no the opposite bank. The sight of it made her feel sick…she might've had that. But it was too late now…surely it was too late now…as she gazed at them, she saw them look at each other as if they were both the only one's that mattered. She saw how much the wanted to be in each other's arms, hear the other's voice…and then suddenly, the girl pulled away…she was angry, she shouted…the boy got to his feet too…she watched as they yelled at one another, their eyes on fire…and the boy stalked off; leaving the girl to sink to her knees and sob. And it was as if she had just seen her own life on replay. Realisation hit her as she watched them part but then immediately turn back to one another, apologising and kissing, so passionately. She suddenly realised she'd had it so wrong…relationships weren't perfect, they weren't sugar-coated…you work hard…but she also suddenly understood that she wasn't afraid to lose him…she was afraid to have him, because when she had him she would have him to lose. But to carry on like this…and not to love…that would be madness! She and James had something special, and she knew that just like the pair she was watching now, they would always fall back into place; because that was where they belonged. They belonged together. She sat mesmerised by what she could suddenly see for a second longer, before jumping to her feet and sprinting up to the castle, taking the steps two at a time.

_It's never too late…_

She arrived, out of breath and hot in the common room, and rushed over to Remus and Peter who were playing wizard chess by the fireplace. Remus looked up at her in alarm when she came over to them, he had not really seen her in days, never mind looking this bedraggled…

"Lily!" he said sadly, and she felt so grateful that he was even speaking to her. "Are you alright?" he cocked an eyebrow.

"Where's James?" she panted.

"I don't know if it's the best idea to--" Remus began, but Lily interrupted.

"No, no, you don't understand—just tell me where he is!" she implored.

Peter gaped at her, before letting out a loud cheer. "She's finally got it!" he said, beaming to Remus, who was still studying her expression.

"Have you?" he asked softly.

She nodded, and quickly said "I need to talk to him."

"I honestly don't know where he is…" he replied slowly. "Oh, hang on. Give me five seconds."

He returned minutes later, holding the map out to her. She took it in utter confusion…Remus was giving her a blank sheet of parchment to help her find James? Had he completely lost it?

"Well go on," he said, his expression also puzzled.

She looked down at it and unfolded it…nothing. She looked up at him quizzically. "Remus it's just a blank parchment…"

"James hasn't told you about the map?" he sounded astounded.

"I would've thought he'd have shown it off the first chance he got!" Peter said from behind them.

"What is going on?" Lily asked exasperatedly, her eyes flickering between both boys. "And where's Sirius…"

"Sirius and Emma…cosy broom cupboard," Peter winked.

Lily shuddered, just as Remus pulled her around to face him, taking his wand from his robe pocket.

"_I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," _Remus whispered, pointing his wand at the parchment.

Lily watched as little black swirls, beginning from her wand tip, spiralled and twisted out to cover the whole sheet…and after looking at it for a few moments she realised it was a map of the school.

"Oh…" she said quietly. "Wow...these black dots---"

"Represent everyone inside the castle, yes," Remus supplied.

"Moony…Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are proud to present…the marauders map," she read slowly. "You _made _this?"

Remus nodded, and began searching for the words 'James Potter', his eyes darting to all James' favourite haunts (the Quidditch pitch and the kitchens.) Lily recovered slightly and began to help him in his search.

"There!" she said triumphantly. She had spotted his name within a few seconds; it was like finding sand in the Sahara. "He's just in a classroom on the fifth floor…can I take this?"

Remus nodded encouragingly, and he and Peter both chimed, "Good luck!"

"Thanks," she smiled, before giving Remus a quick appreciative hug and dashing from the room.

She followed the map to James' dot, watching her own coming ever closer to it…running like she had never run before. She burst straight into the room without a moment's hesitation, and found James slumped in a corner…playing with the snitch. He looked mildly surprised to see her barging in on him, pink faced and panting, but he did not speak. He just continued to play with his snitch, letting it fly away but always catching it at the last minute. Something she had always hated so much…now she couldn't understand why…watching his eyebrows knitted together in concentration, but his eyes dull and lifeless…how could she have ever doubted him?

"James!" she said as she came to a stop a few metres before him. His expression still did not waver; he barely even acknowledged her presence.

"James…" she repeated desperately.

"Look, Evans, I really can't talk to you right now," he said in a strangled force which made her feel as though she were splitting in two.

"I know…But I needed to…I wanted to—I have to…uh--" She stumbled over her words. After a moment of studying his pained expression she decided it was all or nothing.

"I changed my mind," she said simply.

He looked up suddenly; his eyes now bearing a trace of that light which was so unique to him.

"About what?" he asked quietly.

"Us. I was stupid," she said.

"Really stupid," he agreed, the faintest smile now playing across his lips as he got to his feet.

"I don't know why I didn't just…but I'm…I'm here now," she said lamely, gesturing to herself stupidly.

"You're here now," he repeated, still not entirely sure what she was implying. She knew she would have to spell it out for him;

"I was wrong! I was scared…and I was a fool…but now I know I want—I want you," the words came tumbling out but she had no time to be embarrassed…nothing mattered anymore except that he forgave her.

A baffled silence met her words. James just couldn't believe it…he had played this moment over and over again in his mind for years. But he had never imagined she would just _come out _with it! He always assumed he would ask her out one day and she would say yes. But this…this was…_surreal…_

"You…you what?"

"I'm so, so sorry!" she wailed. "I want to…if you still…want--"

"Of course!" he said hurriedly, moving closer to her, searching her eyes. "Always," he added softly. This couldn't be happening, he thought to himself. But he knew that look in her eye…that look of burning desire…that _passion…_

"…are you going to ask me…?" she said nervously.

"Oh--" he said jerkily, shaking his head slightly. "Um. Lily Evans…will you go out with me?"

She smiled up at him, her eyes twinkling with a light that he had rarely seen in her before now.

"Yes," she said softly.

Silence met this proclamation; though James had known it was coming, it did not make the moment any less amazing. The moment he'd thought about since he was a first year…the moment he'd been waiting for since he first set eyes on her, the moment he'd been waiting for all his life, really…it was incredible that this could create such strong and powerful emotions in him when only days before he had been facing death…

"Are you…are you serious?" he asked her.

She nodded solemnly to him, searching his expression.

"Really, really. I just want to be…I want to be with you,"

He gaped at her, his lips parted in surprise as he tried to fully absorb what had just happened. Lily thought looked so…_adorable._ But after another minute of silence she began to feel a little awkward.

"Well…say something then," she stammered.

"You're really sure?" he asked again.

"I suppose it is a rather difficult concept to grasp since I've been turning you down for about six years…" she smirked.

"What…what changed?" he managed.

"You did…" she said gently, before continuing; "Well, we both did. I've become less of a stubborn bitch, and you're less of an egotistical prick. And you can be very persuasive sometimes, you know. Your kissing skills in particular make you very hard to resist."

He chuckled softly, but still gazed at her curiously.

"Okay," she relented. "…it's because I realised the thing I was most terrified about was losing you…and if I carried on acting that way, I knew I would lose you. It was like a switch in my mind…I realised I couldn't bear it, because we're so perfect when we're together…and I'm sorry…for everything…"

He stepped closer again and stroked her cheek. "Don't be sorry," he whispered. "And you know I'd never really leave you. I'll always be there; annoying you 'til the day we die." He smiled.

"Oh so what you were doing just now, that wasn't giving up?" she teased.

"It'd have lasted a week max," he laughed.

"Glad to hear it."

"I love you so much," he said, grinning down at her.

"I know," she whispered. "I'm so sorry…I don't, I don't know why I was so scared… I think a part of me knew I wanted to be with you but then I couldn't quite let myself…I was so stupid…and I'm kind of new with this, I don't really know how to…you'll just have to be patient…wait for me, I'll make mistakes...I know I will…I just don't--"

James interrupted her rant, pressing his lips to hers. She returned the kiss passionately, assuming this meant she was forgiven, parting her lips just as James pushed her up against the wall behind, his body pressed sensuously against hers; his hands in her hair, her hands running up and down his back. Their tongues entwined at the same time as their fingers did…dancing together…and both gave in completely to the new sensations were threatening to overcome them...neither wanted to break away, but after a while oxygen became an issue, and they pulled apart slightly, gasping for air; but they clung to each other still, never wanting to let go.

"I said don't be sorry," James whispered, kissing the end of her nose. "And…don't think about it so much…just—just let it happen,"

Lily nodded…and as she looked at him still dazed, something she had really known all along just fell into place as everything else had; and she had to make it clear. James leaned in again slowly…

"Oh and…" she said, her voice muffled against his mouth.

He looked at her imploringly as her gaze flitted between his eyes and lips.

"I love you, too. A lot."

He smiled at her, his heart thudding in his ears, feeling a swell of emotion rising up in his chest…savouring the moment…he knew he would never tire of hearing those words.

"I know Lilyflower, but just in case I think you'd better say it again."

She gave a small laugh;

"I love you,"

James grinned sheepishly and began kissing gently up her neck, causing her to let out a soft moan, before arriving at her mouth…but just before their lips touched she murmured against his;

"Always have…always will."

----

**A/N **

**YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY THEY GOT TOGETHER!**

**Bit angsty at times I know. And vair long.**

**But the ending, (Awwww) I tried my hardest to make it good. Hope I came close at the least haha okay so next chapter may be the last….but I'm already planning out ideas for a sequel like I said, hmmmmmm**

**Next chapter will have Peter's induction (two way induction if you know what I mean!) and I'll do that Remus and Lizzy stuff.**

**There's also the big prank…**

**And the first order meeting…**

**And LJ fluff fluff fluff!**

**I think I might do two more chapters actually…mmmm**

**Anyway. Review! Now )**


	24. The Happy Couple

**A/N This chapter's just a bit fluffy – and a bit of OOTP stuff too. X**

**---**

James sat on his favourite chair in the common room, impatiently tapping his foot as he waited for his girlfriend to come down. He'd woken that day with the biggest grin imaginable, Sirius had even wondered if he'd been hit with a cheering charm. At long last she waltzed down the stairs from the girl's dorms, looking beautiful as ever and smiling at him shyly. He got to his feet and rushed over to her to give her a kiss.

"I missed you," he murmured in her ear as Emma pushed past them to Sirius, rolling her eyes.

"I can tell," she smiled.

He leaned in again and their lips touched pleasurably before she pulled away when she remembered she wanted to ask something;

"Ohh…James?" she mumbled.

"Mm?"

"I was thinking," she grinned, wrapping her arms around his neck. "This Saturday we should have our first official date! Well, first date that doesn't involve extremely unromantic death eater attacks."

"That's why I love you so much Evans, you can make a joke out of everything; even impending death."

She giggled before replying; "Okay, okay, so what d'you say?"

"Sounds like a plan," he beamed at her.

"What?" she asked quietly after a small silence.

"What, what?"

"You keep smiling at me weirdly…is there something on my face?" her hand shot up to it self consciously.

He laughed and pulled her hand down into his;

"No, you loon," he replied. "I just…I can't believe you're _mine_."

She cocked an eyebrow at him sternly.

"Not _mine," _he said hurriedly. "Not that I view you as belonging to me in any way, I was merely expressing a view that the chances of someone as beautiful, intelligent and incredible as you going out with someone as pathetic as me are very, very slim, and that you are entirely your own person."

"Good answer," she smirked before kissing him again.

"Um…guys?" Emma asked, clearing her throat.

The pair broke apart and looked up to find they were being watched sceptically by Sirius, Remus, Emma and Liz.

"What?" Lily replied with a frown.

"Saturday night is the Order meeting," Emma said.

"I thought that was on Tuesday?" James asked her.

"Dumbledore rearranged it remember? Someone couldn't come or something…" Lizzy said.

"Right," James replied, ruffling his hair. "How next Saturday night, Lils?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Um…guys?" Peter squeaked and they all turned to him. "What's the Order?"

---

It had come as quite a shock to the gang that they had completely forgotten to include Peter in their induction for the Order, and later on that day someone else besides them saw an opportunity. As Peter was absent-mindedly making his way back from Dumbledore's office, having asked if he too could attend the meeting, he was pulled by the scruff of the neck into a broom cupboard by some unknown hooded figure. Once the door was locked behind them, the figure turned to Peter and lowered their hood. It was a seventh year boy who Peter recognised as a Slytherin, but did not know any more than that.

"Pettigrew," he growled.

Peter simply whimpered in reply. The situation was become increasingly creepy.

"I hear you've signed up for Dumbledore's little army?"

"Dumbledore's…dumbl—what d'you mea--"

"The Order of the Phoenix, you dimwit!"

"Oh! Oh!" Peter squeaked. "Well, maybe I did, and maybe I didn't…hypothetically speaking would it bother you?"

"I need a favour from you, Pettigrew," said the boy.

"R—really? Wha—what do you need?"

"How do you feel about coming over to the other side?"

"E—ex--excuse me?" Peter spluttered, aghast.

"Come now, Pettigrew let's not play games here. We both know you don't fit in where you are now."

Peter made to object but closed his mouth when he realised that tragically what he was saying was true.

"We also both know that the Dark Lord will wipe out everyone who opposes him one by one. Stay where you are and what makes you think you'll be an exception?"

Now, Peter Pettigrew was not a bad person per se. But he certainly did not want to die. He was scared, he was alone, and he was inadequate. And he hadn't even finished high school yet. Sensing he had the upper hand, the Slytherin, who later introduced himself as Avery, carried on talking the lost little boy into doing his master's bidding. He knew he would be very well rewarded, and having a spy within Dumbledore's organisation would be a gold mine. And as the Dark Lord had predicted, this sad little lost boy succumbed very well to the offers of having a chance to prove himself, a chance to be accepted into some kind of a family. A chance to serve a purpose. In fact, Avery felt it was almost too easy.

---

James and Lily had finally booked in some alone time under the pretence of studying together, and were currently lying on James' bed, Lily snuggled into his arms. James had locked the door against Marauder attack, and they were now happily enjoying each other's company.

"Lils?" he asked her as he wrapped her hair around his fingers.

"Mmm?"

"Are you worried? About the meeting?"

She lifted her head so that her chin was resting on his chest and she was looking up into his smiling eyes.

"Yeah," she replied softly.

"Thought so. You always go quiet when you're worried."

"James darling we've been going out for a week," she said in amusement.

"I think you're forgetting that I've been obsessing over you for a little longer than that. I know all of your little traits and Lilyisms!"

"Lilyisms?" she repeated with raised eyebrows.

"I bet you don't know any Jamesisms," he grinned down at her.

"How about that you ruffle your hair when you're embarrassed or awkward?" she suggested.

"Too easy. Everyone knows that," he said, shaking his head.

"Alright," she sighed. "Whenever you're stressed you skim-read Quidditch through the Ages. You always have to eat things in pairs; what's up with that? You're strangely obsessed with your broomstick; you polish it at least twice a day. You pretend to be a slacker but secretly you hate being behind on work, so you always stay up later than your friends to get it done. You make inappropriate jokes when you want to hide that you're really upset about something. Oh! One of my personal favourites, you're such an arse man."

"Woah. Who's been stalking who, then?"

She laughed and kissed him lightly before settling back into his arms.

"And for the record, you have a truly smashing arse. And I have no idea why I have to eat things in even numbers. And I polish my broomstick at least four times a day actually, because it is my pride and joy, seriously, second most important thing to me."

"What's first?" she asked with a slight yawn.

"What d'you think, Evans?" he asked sceptically.

She smiled into his robes, and he continued playing with her silky red locks.

"So what's worrying you? It's just a meeting," he said as a change of subject.

"I'm just nervous, I guess," she shrugged.

"Well, we'll do it together. No need to be nervous, I promise."

"Thanks," she replied, sitting up to look him in the eye. "I love you."

He sat up with her, and pushed her hair off her face as he kissed her again. She returned it playfully, her hand playing with the baby hairs at the back of his head. He shivered at her touch, and ran his tongue over her bottom lip so that she parted them. He pulled her back down onto him as their tongues danced and the kiss deepened.

"Mm...Evans?" he said, pulling away.

"Yeah?"

"Are you sure you still want to do the Order thing?"

"Of course!" she replied adamantly.

"Okay," he smiled. "Just didn't want you doing anything you're not comfortable with."

"Are we talking about the Order here or…" she trailed off, flushing beetroot.

"I thought I was," he frowned as he felt his face grow hot. _No way…it's far too soon. _"Well, anyway, we'd better get started on that Charms. You know I'm hopeless, I'll need your help…"

"Right…right," she said lamely, rolling off him to grab her book from the floor. But after a few minutes of her re reading the same line, and James' breath tickling the back of her neck until she gave up and snapped the book shut, it became clear to them both that they wouldn't be doing much homework at all.

---

On Saturday evening, the group of friends made their way to Dumbledore's office, idly chit chatting about what might happen at the meeting. All except Peter who was having great difficulty in keeping his dinner down; playing the double agent was a lot more than he felt he could handle. They arrived outside Dumbledore's office to find the door wide open and the room full of people.

"Come on in," Dumbledore called to them.

They came in one by one, James in the lead, to assemble on the edge of the room; there wasn't much room elsewhere.

"You shall all be using a portkey," Dumbledore said to them, now much closer at hand having pushed his way through the crowd; many of whom were now struggling to get a closer look. "Here." He held a paper weight out to them all, and they each touched a part of it instinctively.

"All will be explained when we get there," said Dumbledore serenely. "One…two…three…"

Suddenly they were being pulled backwards through a blur of colour and shape, until they slammed down onto the hard floor of a vast room, where some wizards were already waiting, quietly chatting amongst themselves. James got to his feet, pulling Lily up with him and brushing the dust from his robes.

"Blimey those things are rougher than floo powder," Sirius remarked, rubbing his backside where he had landed on it. "Alright, Stephens?"

"Fine, Sirius," she replied irritably, taking his outstretched hand nevertheless.

They looked around to see Dumbledore walk in through a pair of double doors at the far end of the room, followed by most of the people who had been in his office.

"Welcome, friends!" he called, and with a casual flick of the wand summoned fifty or so squashy chintz armchairs arranged in an oval shape. He took a seat, and everyone else followed suit. James sat down with Lily on one side, Remus on the other, looking around curiously.

"Where are we d'you reckon?" James mumbled to them.

"We are inside one of the old courtrooms next to the department of mysteries, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore answered him.

"We're inside the ministry?" Remus frowned.

"The one place we can be entirely sure of not being overheard by death eaters. Voldemort will not dare attack the ministry just yet," Dumbledore explained.

"So that's the Potter boy?" came a gruff voice from across the circle.

"Yes, Alastor, this is James Potter, and you see before you also Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, Emma Stephens, Elizabeth Burton, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew."

"Black?" a woman asked with a perplexed expression. "I thought the Blacks were--"

"I'm not like my parents," Sirius said hurriedly. "No, no, I actually moved in with Pro—uh, James here when I was sixteen. My brother on the other hand…"

"Regulus Black your brother boy?" the first man spoke again. Looking at him properly James struggled to restrain a gasp at his extraordinary appearance. Severe gashes and scars covered most of his face, he appeared to have a chunk of his nose missing, and one of his eyes was…well, definitely not normal. It moved entirely free from the other, and was bulgy and electric blue where the other was small, black and beady.

"Yeah," Sirius replied miserably.

"Been after him quite a while now," the man grunted. "Nasty little bugger, if you don't mind me saying."

"Not at all," Sirius replied coolly, though the man failed to notice the sarcasm in his voice.

Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"Sirius here is in Gryffindor, and as he has just told us, has been living with James since his sixth year. He defies all the traditions of his family and disagrees entirely with his parents' views," and he beamed at him. "Now, for introductions. This is Alastor Moody."

The man who had spoken before gave a little nod to them all, raising the bowler hat he wore off of his head by an inch. They all nodded back to him, the girls smiling politely, though James could feel how tensed Lily was beside him.

"This is Emmeline Vance," Dumbledore continued, and so on and so on until the seven of them knew every person in the room.

"I called a meeting today for the purpose of introducing you to our new associates," he nodded once more to the marauders, Lily, Emma and Lizzy, "and because a situation has arisen in the past few days which I wish to discuss."

James reached out for Lily's hand which lay tensed in her lap, and she gave it an appreciative squeeze.

"After the attack on the school we know that our enemy is regrouping," Dumbledore went on. "But Hagrid over here has discovered that our greatest fears have been realised. We are certainly facing Giant involvement…Lord Voldemort successfully employed the gurg of the giants in the Alps not a week ago."

There was a collective groan throughout the room, but the man "Moody" was unabashed.

"How do we know this?" he asked.

"Hagrid has recently been on a mission to assess the situation. We were too late. The death eaters have won over the support of the giants," Dumbledore replied sadly.

"What about the inferi?" came the voice of the girl who had been introduced as Alice Longbottom.

"He is raising an army as we speak," Dumbledore said quietly. "The more people he murders…the vaster it becomes…"

"What are inferi?" James asked, dreading the answer.

"Dead bodies, raised as walking corpses to do you know who's bidding," the woman called Marline McKinnon answered darkly.

Lily shuddered and James tightened his grip on her hand, glancing at her reassuringly. She looked almost irritated and he could practically hear her snapping at him; _"I'm fine, Potter."_ He smiled before turning his attentions back to the meeting.

"On a more positive note, we now have the backbone of the ministry behind us. Though the minister himself is unwilling to take further action he has at last briefed the Aurors, and Moody tells me most are now ready to back us up, correct, Alastor?"

Moody nodded in agreement. "My team is well prepared for the challenge."

"It should be more than a match for Voldemort's inferi," Dumbledore said, ignoring the collective shudder throughout the circle.

"Now, here's a job for all of you," Dumbledore turned to the gang. "We're handling things outside of Hogwarts for now, ministry matters, things which are for now outside of your control. But what could really help us is to have you all on watch inside school. We know Voldemort will be trying to recruit young death eaters as well as old. It is at this time of your lives you question why you're here, what you're going to do in life…it is the time where you choose a side. This makes vulnerable and lost seven years an easy target." Peter whimpered in terror at his words, and his friends cast him a confused glance, but put it down to his generally fragile nerves. Dumbledore however had read a little more into it, but decided to push it from his mind for now. "If you could monitor the students, report back to us if you witness anything strange, any conversations in low whispers…anything at all suspicious. We'll need names and places. And James, keep going on your defence group. I think we should have a meeting, I have some more advanced spells I'd like you to try; come to see me tomorrow evening."

"Yes, Sir," James replied, flashing him a slightly forced smile.

"Welcome to the fold," Dumbledore said to them all with a crooked smile, and many others murmured in agreement, including Moody. "I think this concludes our meeting. Ah, but one more thing before we go…"

---

"Wasn't so bad was it, love?" James asked, now sitting on the rug in front of the common room fire, Lily leaning against his knees.

"It was terrifying, Potter."

"We're really in the game now, you realise? We've gone and done it."

"Great. We're players."

"Hey, come on," he said softly, lifting her chin to look into those entrancing emerald orbs. "We'll be okay, as long as we're together right?"

"We will be…won't we?"

"Together? Always," he replied.

She stared at him, blushing slightly. "Always?" she repeated.

"Well..uh, I mean that—but, don't you---maybe, not _always, _but you know, for a long period of time…" he rambled.

"James, shut up," she smirked before covering his mouth with hers.

"Yes, always," he said adamantly when they separated at last. "We're too good to break up."

"We are pretty good," she smiled. "So what are you saying?"

"Just that I never want to be apart from you, and that you're amazing and I love you way too much."

"Even though I'm such a bitch?" she said jokingly.

"Even so."

"I love you even though you're an arrogant bastard."

"I love it when you sweet talk," he grinned. "It's like music to my ears."

"I try. James, wouldn't it be funny if one day our children were looking at that photo from the meeting?"

"Children? Children?" he asked in mock terror.

"Right, I suppose talking about the future is completely violating the guy code."

"You seriously see a future for us?" he asked, playing with the ends of her hair again. Lily noticed he had a rapidly growing obsession with her hair.

"Isn't that what you just said?" she asked in confusion.

"Yep. Just checking we were on the same wavelength. And I'm sure one day little Harry Potter will be looking at the photo of his wonderful parents on their first day in the order, beaming with pride."

"Harry?" she asked in amusement.

"Brilliant name."

"How obsessed with me were you exactly? I don't know too many boys who have come up with baby names for babies with girls who don't speak to them."

"Well, I'm very special Evans," he replied with a smirk.

"That you are," she agreed. "But, I think we should be away from each other a little while though, while we try to study for NEWTs?"

"You're thinking about NEWTs right now?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"James, I always think about NEWTs."

"Right. Well why don't you want me around when you revise?" he pouted jokingly.

"Because you're a massive distraction. Our charms homework yesterday didn't exactly go so well did it?"

"I don't care about work. I'd much rather snog my girlfriend."

She laughed. "I'm actually okay with that."

---

**A/N review!**


	25. Surprise

**A/N Thanks everyone for reviewing! I reckon I'm nearly done here…this chapter's short but sweet. i.e nothing happens it's pure fluff. Well, the endings kinda funny…**

**---**

"What are you thinking about Lils?" 

"Oh…nothing," she replied vaguely.

They were sitting together in Madam Pudifoots, a place which made James want to seriously vomit, but which was the place in Hogsmeade where they could be sure to be alone. Or away from their friends at least, (and Sirius' crude jokes). Looking around James tried his best not to cringe, and said;

"It's not nothing. What's up?"

"I'm just thinking about…well, life. What d'you think I should be? Auror or Healer?"

James considered the question as he played with her outstretched hand and gazed out of the window. He saw a group of first years coming out from Honeyduke's, chatting animatedly…and behind them a cloaked figure, heading down an alleyway…carrying a large parcel wrapped in brown paper. Odd.

"James?" Lily pressed.

"Uh…" he responded thickly. "Healer, no question."

"Oh, really? Why?"

"Well, it's you all over isn't it?" he said. "I mean, you're passionate, driven, caring, you get people…and you love helping. It'd be like your calling in life."

She stared at their cupped hands and tried to wish away the blush rising in her cheeks.

"You are so cheesy, Potter."

"Ah, you love it," he grinned. 

"And this has nothing to do with the fact that being an Auror would put me in even more danger?"

"Nothing whatsoever. You're tough, I know you can look after yourself," James insisted.

"Good," she replied, the corners of her mouth twitching. 

"What about me then? Quidditch or Auror?"

"Well…" Lily considered it, eyes darting to his Quidditch toned arms…down to his extremely well built chest and stomach…in the heat of summer he was only wearing a t-shirt…did she really want to kiss goodbye to that? He caught her looking and smirked maliciously.

"Aha, see something you like?"

"Wha--" she started, flushing. "Err, I—just, well, hypothetically, would you still do Quidditch as a hobby? On a regular basis?"

"Absolutely," he winked. "So, Auror then?"

"You would never have chosen Quidditch," she stated. "You love being the hero."

"Well that's true," he nodded. "Still…putting my life on the lines day after day, won't you be worried about me?"

"Well, apparently I'm a healer so I can patch you up after work."

"Mmmm good thinking," he replied lazily, kissing her on the cheek. 

---

Some hours later, Remus was gazing wistfully at his plate of pork chops, golden roast potatoes and gravy, wondering why on earth it didn't seem appetising, when he felt someone sit down beside him. Someone who, judging by the smell he often associated with honeysuckle and freshly cut grass, was Lizzy. 

"We have to talk," she said casually, reaching out for a plate of chops.

"Now?" he groaned.

"No, I'm starving."

"After dinner then?" he asked her.

"Yep."

"Can't wait."

"Awesome."

There was a minute's silence as Lizzy demolished several potatoes and tried her best to ignore the feeling that her heart might literally jump out of her skin any second. 

"Why aren't you eating anything?" she asked, noticing how he was playing with his food rather than consuming it, and looking thoroughly fed up.

"Because I'm so in love with you I can't think straight, let alone eat," he turned to look at her as his cutlery clattered to the floor. Eye to eye. Grey to blue. Soul to soul.

Stunned beyond belief, she blinked at him several times, before saying as evenly as she could; "Dinner can wait," and dragging him by the wrist out of the hall and into the warm summer air outside. There she glared at him, crossing her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes. She was going to get to the bottom of this.

"What?" she asked simply.

"I thought it was pretty clear," he replied, scratching his head awkwardly for want of something better to do.

"And so, you just decided to come out with it?"

"Well, if I was going to give you an honest answer to your question," he said reasonably, with an airy hand gesture which did not reflect his true state of mind.

"Okay then truth-boy, answer me this," she said, heating up a little. Who did he think he was just telling her he loved her as if it was nothing? After ignoring her for weeks, giving her no reason, no explanation, he decides to proclaim his undying love for her over a plate of pork chops? What was he playing at? "Why are you ignoring me?"

"I'm not ignoring you," he said quietly.

"I'm not in the mood, Remus. Tell me why," she demanded, pacing the grass in front of him.

"Okay…how I feel…about you? Well, see…it can't happen, with us--"

"Watch yourself; you're starting to sound like Lily. But look what happened with her and James, the happy couple! Yeah, Lily came to her senses and went after him, and d'you know why? Because nothing matters when two people care about each other that much! Let's get our priorities right, shall we? We're in the middle of the war and I can see no good reason why you and I can't just--"

"I'm a werewolf!"

She stopped pacing and wheeled around to face him. He was watching her with the expression of a man who was so…so _trapped. _So isolated by his own grief…so much in pain. It took her anger away faster than she could've thought possible.

"Yeah, I'm a werewolf," he said again, more quietly. "There's your reason." 

Giving her one last look of sorrow, he forced himself to leave. All he wanted was to take her in his arms, look after her, kiss her, do all number of things to her in fact…but his fate had been decided long ago, and he couldn't ask anyone he loved to risk themselves like that for him. He couldn't ask it of anyone to lead the sort of life he could give them. And so he walked the line. The tight rope he was constantly trying to balance on…back up the stone steps, wrenching open the door and blinking back the tears…until he felt her hand enclose his and bring him back to her.

"Remus…" she said gently. "I know."

He gulped, his eyes growing wide. "What?"

"I know you're a werewolf…" she said, leading him back over to the beech tree. He followed like a man possessed…

"How?"

"Does it matter?" 

He shook his head slowly. "Well then...why did you ask me why I was ignoring you? If you already knew?"

"Because I didn't honestly think you were stupid enough to think that was a problem," she replied fondly.

"You think it's a stupid problem?" he asked, flabbergasted. "Let me tell you…it's not like anything you can imagine—stupid…how can—you just don't understand…" he ran a hand through his hair agitatedly. And in that moment, she launched herself at him, kissing him like she'd never kissed anyone before. Taken completely by surprise he kissed her back, unable to resist when they were that close…he couldn't pull away from that. He let his hands roam her body, let his tongue explore her mouth, let her take him to places he'd never imagined…

"Yeah I think it's pretty stupid," she said breathlessly when they had broken apart.

"I think I get it now," he whispered back. 

"Good," she smiled, tracing a finger down his cheek, over his jaw line, over his lips. "The wolf's not you. You're you. And I may not understand this thing, but I understand you…you should…think of me as your kite string."

"Kite string?" he repeated.

"I'll always be here to tether you down," she grinned. 

"I really kinda love you," he pushed a fallen piece of hair out of her eyes and pulled her in for a hug.

"I know. I kinda love you too," she murmured into his chest.

---

"Okay, ready Evans?" 

"Ready."

James opened his transfiguration text book to page three hundred and forty-two, and began skim reading the first few paragraphs. It was now a week before the NEWTs; it was time to get serious.

"What is the incantation for the transfiguration of a shoe lace into a ringworm?"

"_Lubricus animatus_," she replied quickly.

"What is the wand movement?"

"Diagonal slash from left to right."

"How many stages are there in the transformation to become an animagus?" he asked her with a smirk.

"Fifteen to twenty depending on how skilled the witch or wizard performing them is," she reeled off.

"Took me fourteen," he winked.

"Potter!"

"Okay, okay. Turning animals into water goblets, what's the incantation?"

"_Ferreverto_," she replied, rolling her eyes. "That's fourth year stuff!"

"Just warming you up. What's the incantation for the reversal spell?"

She stiffened, biting her lip as she tried to remember.

"Oh! Oh! _Recurrare!"_

He smiled at her before conjuring a water goblet out of thin air to land between them. They were sitting cross legged opposite one another in a secluded corner of the library.

"Show me," he smirked.

She performed the spell perfectly.

"Ah look, the student becomes the master!" she beamed as she watched the rat which had been transfigured scamper across the floor and underneath a nearby bookshelf.

"I told you we could study together! I think I'm a brilliant teacher--" he exclaimed.

"Enough revision for now," she interrupted, crawling over to him on her hands and knees to press her lips to his. He responded very enthusiastically, scooping her onto his lap and deepening the kiss, a hand running down her side…

"I have just one more question for you," he whispered into her ear.

"What's that then?" she smiled.

"Will…" he kissed her forehead. "You…" he kissed her cheek. "Marry…" he kissed her nose. "Me?" he kissed her lips.

"WHAT!"

---

**A/N cliffieeeee. Haha I just love that – "WHAT!" - Thanks for reading! Review! Pleeeeeeeeease.**


	26. Puppy Love

**A/N //**

**Tribute to some wonderful people: marie, IAMSOAP, Katie.Cupcake, Blue-Eyed chica, Phoenix Tears of Life, alix33, lovesreading2, shetlandlace, comicrileef, thefatlady44, the ketchup queen, scribbles.pooksta, CHEESE PLEASE, DancingInTheRain37, Jo Liz Ninan, ****rEal LiVe DiVa, weheartdumbledore224, AGRIMLIKEDOG, possibletanya, ccraffigan, t-man, Little Miss Elizabeth, Gray Eyed Beauty, ajteel0203, Lilyflower101, Aurora Kinship, Dweizlegirl and Susichan. **

**You are all fabulous – much love x**

**BUT**

**Judging by the amount of hits I have a lot of people are reading and not reviewing. SO if you haven't, when you've read this here's what to do: press "go" and write whatever springs to mind. Do you like it? Do you hate it? Do you luuuuurve it? That's all I wanna know! **

**Okay now I'll shut up, enjoy the story!**

* * *

"You're proposing to me!"

"Looks like."

"In the library!"

"Yep."

"We're seventeen!"

"That is true."

"We haven't even finished school yet!"

"Also true."

"Are you INSANE?!"

"Quite possibly."

She was just readying her next question when suddenly Madam Pince appeared at the end of the row, hands on her hips; generally speaking she was a very intolerant and terrifying woman, and right now, she looked livid.

"Raised voices in the library!" she yelled, and then eyeing their position on the floor added; "Frolicking in the library! Have you no respect?"

"Well now, considering you're telling _us_ off for shouting maybe you're being slightly unfair," James pointed out reasonably. "Respect your youngsters."

The librarian cast him a venomous look before flicking her wand so that the books behind James' head jumped out of their positions on the shelves and began snapping like crocodiles in his direction. He jumped up, issuing a rather girlish scream, and he and Lily ran full pelt from the library, the crocodile-books chasing them all the way. Once outside, they both collapsed against the wall, laughing helplessly, until they realised the books were still on their case. The pair continued to run, covering their heads with their arms as they went.

"_Timeo pericula!" _James gasped at the fat lady through laughter.

The portrait hole swung open very quickly, and noticing they were in somewhat of a sticky situation, the fat lady slammed shut on the books so that they dropped to the floor; motionless once again.

"Ah, Potter that was so romantic," Lily laughed, clutching the table behind her for support. She was not over the shock of James' insane proposal yet, never mind being chased six floors by bewitched crocodile books.

James straightened his face and steadied himself.

"Sorry…I know it probably wasn't your dream proposal…I don't know where it came from to be honest," he admitted.

"Oh, well, it's good you've got your motivations straight," she said sarcastically, now sitting on the table she had been holding onto, swinging her legs beneath her.

"Alright…how's this?" he said in serious tones. She watched as he nervously approached the table, and got down on one knee in front of her.

"You're actually serious?" she said before he could ask again.

"Of course," he replied sincerely.

She swallowed. "Why?"

"Why…?" he paused a moment to gather his thoughts. "…because our days are numbered, Lily."

"You think we're gonna die…" she gulped, her eyebrows contracting slightly.

"Of course we are. That's the fun price for being human."

She just looked at him imploringly so he plunged on.

"We might die in the war, yeah…" he said simply, reading her mind. "But I just meant no one's immortal. Kind of a given I know but sometimes you forget…all I'm saying is that…I want to spend every one of those days I have left, with you. I want to…to hear your quips and your jokes, hear you laugh, hear your happy voice," he smiled and she hiccupped slightly. "I want to hear you when you're mad, hear your snappy comebacks…I even want to hear you cry; because then I know I can be there for you," he took a break for effect. "I want all this because, Lily, you make me feel special. It might come as a shock to you but I've actually always felt very inadequate…I used to put on a show to impress people because underneath it all I was just a scared idiot. But you bring me out of myself, and I know it sounds ridiculous but just I don't think I work without you. So here I am, proposing to you…why? Well, because we both know that we belong together," he grinned up at her. "Oh, and because I love you."

She gave a half laugh, but remained silent; her watery eyes flickering between his. She understood exactly; and he knew she did. But she was sort of lost for words.

"So, Lily Evans, will you marry me?"

She jumped down off the desk, and kneeled in front of him so that their eyes were level.

"I'm sorry…I don't actually have a ring--" he spluttered, his cheeks colouring slightly.

"Doesn't matter," she said firmly, shaking her head.

"So that's a yes?" he asked hopefully.

"James…" she said slowly.

He looked down to hide his pained expression…he knew that tone of voice…he didn't think he could take another refusal.

"James," she repeated, lifting his chin back up. "Dearest…I was going to say yes to you in the library."

"You were?" he asked ecstatically.

"Of course, you idiot," she laughed.

"You're saying yes?!"

"Yes I'm saying yes! Nice speech by the way," she smirked.

"Oh shut up, you loved it."

"I did, actually," she smiled. "But I love you more."

And then they kissed, neither could remember ever feeling so wonderful, so special, so _lucky. _And on that day neither of them cared that a sick, power hungry and loveless man was out there waiting for them, because how could they when they could love like that? They swayed in each other's arms for what felt like a lifetime, until a stone cold and bitter voice brought them out of their reverie.

"Well, look at the lust bunnies," Sirius said, grimacing at Peter.

"What's going on?" Peter asked Lily and James lightly.

Lily and James looked at the boys, and then back at each other, silently agreeing to keep it secret for now. Something told them the news would be a little too much for Sirius.

"Prongs?" he asked impatiently.

"Oh--nothing. Lily here was just upset because she..uh--"

"Because Katie Paxton said I was fat," Lily supplied abruptly.

"Right. So I was just giving her a hug."

"Huh," Sirius nodded. "Because see I thought what was happening is you two just got engaged."

James winced.

"How long have you been in here?"

"Whole time."

"Where?" James looked around, puzzled. "I swear we were alone…"

He jumped as Sirius chucked him his invisibility cloak in response.

"You took my cloak?" he asked his friend.

"Check outside, _mate."_

James got to his feet and strode over to the window. _What on earth is he on about?…oh…oh, bugger. Full moon. _

"We were waiting for you; but it seems you're a little too busy. We'll go alone," Sirius said bitterly. "Come on, Pete."

Peter nodded excitedly but stayed put to see if there would be an argument to watch.

"Hey, hey come on! I just forgot because I was…with Lily, in the library and stuff," James said lamely.

"Yeah, yeah, you were with Lily. We understand. You two are kind of a package deal these days," Sirius said dead-pan.

"Hey! Don't talk about her as if she's not here!" James shouted, advancing on his friend.

"James I can speak for myself!" Lily piped up from the floor.

"Oh can you?!" Sirius turned to her. "Because it seems like you two can't be apart for more than two seconds these days! You finish each other's sentences, you--"

"Sirius you're being a prat," James mumbled.

"--and now you've agreed to be together forever! You're engaged! Well, I'm sorry but I don't see the point in pretending we're friends anymore James, when we're not. Face it, it's me or her."

James stood stock still, paralysed by shock, anger and confusion.

"Well---if you're saying it means giving up our friendship…well then I won't…I guess I won't marry her…" James trailed off.

"WHAT?!" Lily shrieked, as Sirius' eyes widened in surprise.

"I'm sorry," he pleaded with her. "But he's my best friend! I don't know what to do--"

Her eyes smarted and her breathing became ragged. He was choosing Sirius over her? He was going to take back everything that had just happened? Everything he had said? Just like that?

"I trusted you!" she yelled at him, stumbling to her feet and blinking back furious tears. "Sirius is just taking away your happiness, can't you see that?! He'll suck the life out of you!"

"Lily, wait--" James said pathetically as she ran past them and out of the portrait hole. He stood watching the spot where she had disappeared for a few moments, Sirius shifting uncomfortably on his feet. And then he rounded on him furiously.

"What the hell is your problem, Sirius?! How spiteful could you get?! Did you see how upset she was?"

"Sorry, Prongs…" he mumbled to the floor. "I honestly didn't expect you to pick me over her! You're so obsessed…I've barely seen you at all--"

"Oh, so you're just ruining my life over jealousy! WELL THAT'S A LOT BETTER!" James roared, taking another dangerous step closer to him.

Sirius' crumpled face straightened out and he ran a hand through his tangled hair before saying bitterly;

"I have to go and be with Moony. You run off to your precious Lilyflower. I'll see you later." And with that he transformed half heartedly into a dog, and bounded from the room; Peter following suit.

James watched them go, not knowing when he had ever felt so angry. Sirius just never understood the consequences of his actions; when would he ever grow up? James did not go after Lily, or follow Sirius. He just sat alone all night, wondering what on earth he could do.

A day or so later, she sat by the water's edge, pondering over when everything had become so complicated. It was a beautiful summer's day, not a cloud in the sky, the water was calm and still. Everything seemed perfect. But Lily was sitting beneath an emotional storm, raging at her from all sides. She felt as if a miserable rain cloud had been following her around all day, as if to remind her not to be happy. And as she sat there under the rainfall she felt him sit down beside her. And just him being there, made her feel that little bit warmer.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing he said.

After a long stretch of silence where Lily hugged her knees and watched the giant squid lazily extend its tentacles above water, she replied;

"I know."

"I didn't mean it," he said quietly.

"I know that too. It was a spur of the moment thing…we have plenty of time to…we don't need to get engaged right now. I know you didn't mean it--"

"No, I meant that!" he turned to her in surprise. "I mean, I didn't mean that Sirius is more important to me than you."

"You never said that he was," she stated.

"You thought it though," he said knowingly.

She looked sideways at him and bowed her head slowly.

"Well it's not like that. I just had to show him he still meant a lot to me…and I was caught in the middle—I just didn't really know what to do. But you," he said, and pivoting slightly to face her. "you mean the world to me."

She smiled at him twitchily, breathing a sigh of relief, and asked;

"Are you and Sirius friends now?"

"We haven't talked for days," he shook his head.

There was another silence.

"Oh…" she mumbled. _Because of me…_

"Are we okay?" he asked gently.

"Course. I forgive you," she smiled at him reassuringly. "Sirius was out of order."

"So, my Lilyflower, where are we on the whole…getting married thing?"

She grinned sideways at him, her eyes lighting up. He caught sight of her expression and felt his heart lift; she was the same old Lily.

"You told Sirius you wouldn't marry me if it bothered him," she pointed out.

"Stuff Sirius," James replied bluntly. "If he can't handle me being happy, then that's his fault…I'm not giving you up for anything."

"We just need to include him more," Lily said thoughtfully. "We have been kind of exclusive recently…"

"I just rather like having you all to myself," he smirked.

She got to her feet, brushed herself down and struggling to keep a straight face. It was time to get her own back the Lily way. She stood a few paces behind him and noted happily that he was not getting up with her. _Too easy…_

"Well…" she said slowly.

"Yeah?" he replied over his shoulder.

She crept up closer, thankful that he still wasn't turning around, and crouched just behind him. He felt her breath on the back of his neck and started, craning his neck to look her in the eye.

"Well maybe you can have me all to yourself for the rest of our lives," she whispered into his ear, before pushing him forcefully into the lake. Unfortunately he had anticipated the attack, and grabbing her arm said;

"I'm taking you in with me!"

"No—Potter!"

They fell in together with a colossal splash, and when they resurfaced both glared at one another menacingly before bursting into fits of laughter. He splashed her in the face, cooing;

"Watch out for the giant squid Evans!"

"Argh, d'you think it's near me?" she squealed, moving over to him for protection.

"Once upon a time you took quite a fancy to the squid," he teased as she gripped his arm tightly. "You said you'd rather go out with the giant squid than me!"

"Times change," she laughed, before he kissed her nose playfully. They continued splashing and dunking one another for a while, Lily winning every time, until James asked her;

"So, was that a yes Miss Evans?" as they treaded water.

She looked at him from under her eyelids, and replied;

"Yes."

"And you threw me into the lake because?"

"Revenge," she smirked.

"Ah, she knows how to play," he smiled. "Fair enough, fair enough. Come on then, the future Mrs. Potter, you've had your fun."

She beamed and took his hand as they swam back to shore and collapsed in a heap on the warm grass.

"James," she said, turning on her side, supporting her head with her hand, her elbow on the ground.

"Yes my pearl?" he replied, mimicking her position.

"I love you."

"I know," he smiled, eyeing with delight that her shirt had become slightly see-through.

"Do I say it too much?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

"You could never say it too much," he assured her. "I could never tire of hearing it."

"I just think I haven't been clear…" she said, frowning slightly.

"It's clear my flower," he nodded.

"No, no I mean…you always say I make you feel special. Well, you are special. You're not inadequate. And I can't honestly say all the things I love about you, because…well, it just sort of happened. If you know what I mean?"

"I know what you mean," he said gently.

"But you're amazing. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And I've never been so…excited, by anyone before."

"Excited eh?" he winked.

"Potter! Go and ruin the moment why don't you," she said, blushing.

"Sorry, Lils. Thank you," he whispered before wrapping his arms around her and kissing her gently. She smiled into his lips and returned the kiss. He ran a hand down her side, laying it to rest on her bum. To his utmost surprise she did not remove it, just mumbled to him.

"Arse man."

"Arse woman," he said quickly. In response to her bewildered expression he added; "Oh yeah, don't think I haven't noticed you looking!"

"Oh! Well, you have a good bum," she replied unabashed.

"Honesty. A good quality in a woman," he remarked. "Now, you are very wet, and smell like dead fish."

"Charming," she grinned. "I didn't pull myself into the lake, you know."

"Yes well, it's not very becoming. I still love you though," he kissed her again before pulling her to her feet.

"Let's go take a shower," she said.

"Together?" he asked hopefully.

"Hmmm…that's an idea…" she taunted, lifting her top to reveal her beautifully flat stomach, and fanning herself as if boiling hot.

"You're too cruel," he joked, planting a kiss on the side of her head and draping an arm around her shoulders as they entered the castle. She just grinned and leaned into him, enjoying the feel of his warm, lean, body against hers.

"Now," she said to him. "After we rejoin the world of sanitation we are going to sit down and have a group hang."

"A group hang?" he echoed sceptically, reminding her forcibly of herself when Emma had suggested it.

"Yes. A group hang," she replied with a smile. "And you and Sirius will make up, and then you'll be happy again."

"Oh, I am happy," he looked down at her.

"More happy then," she amended.

"Don't know if that's possible Lils," he beamed.

**A/N thanks for reading :) **


	27. Lily's Boggart

**A/N It's not a massively exciting chapter, sorry...but Marauders reunited:)**

* * *

"Now, calm down Lils," James muttered urgently to his extremely distressed girlfriend. "It's okay, just take deep breaths!" 

He placed a steadying hand on her shoulder, and glanced worriedly at Sirius on the other side.

"D'you reckon we should get Dumbledore?" Sirius asked.

"I dunno, I think she'll be alright," James mumbled back. "Hey, Lils, shall I go get you some of that hot chocolate with marshmallows you love from the kitchens?" he was pronouncing every syllable as if talking to a deaf person.

She just shook her head violently, the idea of eating or consuming anything just made her want to barf. She then began hyperventilating and James hastened to pass the brown paper bag back to her, which she began to breathe into raggedly.

"How long has she been like this?" Emma asked in serious tones, coming up behind them.

"About ten minutes. We think it's finally sunk in…tomorrow's going to be really hard for her," James replied under his breath.

Lily at last steadied her breathing and placed the paper bag down beside her.

"I just—can't---believe…it…" she gasped.

"We know, Lils, we know. But we'll all be here for you, just remember that," came Remus' voice.

"I can't cope! James!" she looked at him pleadingly.

"Yes, love?"

"HELP ME!"

"Flower you will do fine. Undoubtedly better than the rest of us; and I find it quite difficult to put myself in your position because I've never been this stressed before…least of all about this."

"BUT IT'S THE NEWTS, JAMES! THIS IS IT! NEWTS!"

"Yes, and you will get outstandings all round, as you very well know. Now, let's pack up your revision notes, and then passionately make out to calm you down," James suggested.

She gave a small giggle as the rest of the group turned away in revulsion.

"There, that got rid of your avid audience," he smirked.

"Yeah, as if you weren't serious," she grinned back, rolling her eyes.

He gently prised her bulging folder from her hands and closed it, noting that she had sectioned off different subjects with dividers, and colour-coded the entire thing with cross referencing to the back. It only made him love her more.

"There's nothing wrong with being organised!" she said defensively, reading his mind. She struggled to take it back but he held it high above her head.

"You mistake me, I love your organisation. And, Lils if you don't know it now you won't know it tomorrow, so give it up," James said sternly, levitating her notes to the ceiling.

Her eyes grew wide fearfully and her breathing became quick again so James hurriedly added;

"But, you obviously will know it. Because you've been pouring over this stuff for weeks and you've worked throughout the year. So relax."

"You know I can just summon them back, right?" she said to him, gesturing to her floating notes.

"_Accio folder!" _Sirius called from across the common room, letting it fall elegantly into his lap. "The file is in my custody," he declared.

"So you'll have to go through Sirius to get it back. Let's do something else; I can be very distracting," he grinned, leaning in to kiss her. As James had arrogantly predicted, it took all her troubles away in one fluid motion. When they broke away for air, he lay down beside her on the sofa and pulled her down with him, so that he had his arms wrapped around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder.

"You are so neurotic," he mumbled to her.

"You are such a good kisser," she said in return.

---

Once Lily had drifted off in his arms, James slid out from behind her and crossed over to Sirius. He was sensationally glad they were friends again, and wanted it to stay that way. After days of worrying about how best to talk to and apologise to him, it turned out Sirius just threw himself into James' arms one day, in a very masculine way of course, and repeatedly begged his forgiveness. James had then been anxious about how best to tell him that he was engaged to Lily still, but when he eventually did, all Sirius said was " Can I hire strippers for the bachelor party?", which James had granted gleefully, both having sworn an oath not to breathe a word of it to either Emma or Lily. They had then had a long talk about this and that, and the next day James woke up in his dormitory as if nothing had happened.

"Prongs!" Sirius greeted gaily as James took his seat beside him.

"Hey," James said, leaning across to see what he and Remus were doing. They were pouring over the map, and his and Sirius' old plans from the Easter holidays. "Ah, the prank."

"Still in, right?" Remus asked him.

"Of course," he replied, and then noticing Lizzy was present added; "is Liz in it now too?"

"We've got to go out with a bang, right?" she answered.

"Absolutely," he agreed. "What about Em?" he turned to Sirius.

"Yeah her too," Sirius nodded. "But she's in bed now, wanted to sleep before the exams."

"I notice you don't seem too wound up about them Liz?" James said to her.

"Exams?" she asked distractedly. "I think I'm ready."

"Confidence. As if we don't get enough of that from Prongs." Sirius joked.

"I think you're mistaking that for egotism," Remus put in.

Shoving him playfully, James asked;

"Can we go over all this tomorrow? Lils is asleep and she'll need to know about it."

"Sure," Sirius replied, rolling up the various parchments and stashing them in his bag. "We were thinking we'd do it on the last day of exams; predictably."

"Yep," James nodded.

There was a small silence, as Lizzy nuzzled into Remus, and Sirius and James sat wondering whether they might've done a bit more work for their Charms NEWT the next day. Suddenly they both said;

"Prongs have you revised--?"

"Padfoot I haven't done a lot of--"

They looked at each other and grinned sheepishly.

"I've done nothing," James said.

"Me neither," Sirius assured him.

"Well, we'll just have to do it the marauder way," James said, eyes glinting.

"Meaning?"

"Okay, in the practical, make sure you get a female examiner. Then we can flirt outrageously, and give them winning smiles," James said.

"I'll give you a heads up if Evans is nearby," Sirius grinned. "Wouldn't want your bride-to-be catching you trying to cheat your way through an exam by means of excessive flirting now, would we?"

"Good point," James nodded seriously. "Cheating in exams is something Lily counts as the eighth deadly sin. And I don't think she'll go for the hitting-on-the-examiner trick either."

"Unlikely," Sirius agreed.

Remus rolled his eyes exasperatedly at his friends. He thought he had failed miserably at exercising some control over the two of them, though he doubted whether Dumbledore had ever really thought it possible. They were both a lost cause.

"And then in the written," James continued. "Just keep saying the same thing again and again only in different ways so it is disguised as a new point each time."

"Sorted!" Sirius said triumphantly.

"You're both doomed," came Lily's sleepy voice from the sofa.

"Funny, Lils, funny," James replied.

"Wasn't joking," she smirked before rolling over again.

* * *

Lily nervously approached the examiner who had called her name, looking back to James and Emma, to receive one last encouraging grin before taking a deep, calming breath and coming to a halt in front of him.

"Good morning, Miss Evans," the invigilator said pleasantly.

"Good morning," she replied, sounding much more confident than she felt.

"Follow me, please," he smiled down at her.

He led her to the middle of the hall, into a makeshift exam room; sectioned off by curtains. He took a seat behind a rickety desk and arranged his things to take notes on Lily's exam. She looked on apprehensively awaiting his instructions.

"Okay, Miss Evans," he began, clearing his throat slightly. "Firstly, I would like you to tell me what you ate for breakfast, without speaking directly to me."

She thought she must have misheard him. Try as she might she could not seem to break down this request into something saner; so she just stared at him blankly.

"Um…sorry, Sir?" she asked hesitantly.

"I would like you to tell me what you ate for breakfast, without speaking directly," he repeated politely.

Lily racked her brains…_I have to tell him something without speaking? …pass on a message without speaking directly? How exactly do you speak __**in**__directly? _As she tried not to panic, her thoughts turned back to when James had sent a message to Sirius, Remus and the others in Hogsmeade that day when they'd been attacked. Did he want her to conjure her patronus charm and tell it to tell him what she ate this morning? What kind of exam was this? Deciding it was her best shot, she allowed all the wonderful memories she and James had shared of late fill her up, allowed them to warm her from the inside out and said strongly;

"_Expecto patronum!"_

Once the doe stood in front of her, she conveyed her thoughts into it, and a second later it approached the examiner's desk elegantly and Lily's voice echoed around the room;

"I had bacon, eggs, sausages and pancakes with maple syrup. No tomatoes though."

Lily bit her lip so hard she almost drew blood. This entire thing seemed utterly ridiculous. However the examiner had other ideas, he smiled at her in congratulations, saying;

"Well done, Miss Evans. You have passed the aptitude test. Let us now move on…"

The rest of the exam was a breeze, Lily thought.

James stood in line outside the Great hall, nervously waiting for the fateful moment where he'd be called in. Jack Powell had just gone in and James shuffled nervously to the front of the queue. He and Sirius had at last consented to going over Lily's notes the night before, and as he stood there feeling jittery, he tried to recount all of the spells he'd tried to cram.

"Potter, James!"

_Oh no…shit…_

He stepped inside the death room meekly and looked up to see that, to his intense relief, his practical examiner was female. And on a closer look he saw that she was fairly young. _Score._

"Hi there," she smiled at him, gesturing for him to follow her. "I'm Gloria Stevenson. We're at the far end of the hall here."

"Great," he gave her a toothy grin, still basking in the triumph of a friendly and fairly attractive invidulator. It could be the key to his success.

When she had sat down behind her desk, taken out her quill in order to take notes on James' performance and headed a new sheet of parchment, she looked up and requested he use a flame freezing charm.

"Err…just a freezing charm?" he asked uncertainly.

"To begin with, Mr Potter," she nodded.

He looked around expectantly, and when she offered no response he said;

"Um, sorry, there's no flames to, uh, freeze?"

The corners of her mouth twitched and she replied ambiguously;

"No there's not is there?" He just looked at her blankly so she went on; "Well, if you can't do this one, Mr Potter, I can always move straight onto the next," she clicked her tongue.

"No, no, that's okay!" he assured her quickly, his mind working frantically. _What are they expecting me to do? _Did she want him to set fire to her desk and burn all her papers just so that he could put the fire out? Surely that was absurd. He tried to read her expression but she skilfully kept it blank. _What else can I really do? _He thought miserably. Drawing a deep breath he pointed his wand directly to the table, Gloria moved out of the way instinctively, and he said;

"_Incendio!"_

The desk burst into flames, and James flinched, trying not to blush as he saw some of her notes wrinkle and blacken. He then performed the freezing charm as quickly as possible to save as many as he could. He remembered in Lily's notes reading about medieval wizards who were burned at the stake performing the freezing charm and remaining unharmed, though experiencing something of a pleasant tickling sensation. He wondered whether he'd be able to stop her things from burning too. As he held the charm he looked up at his invidulator confusedly, what kind of exam was this?

"Excellent," she said briskly, and with a casual wave of the wand returned everything to normal, surprising him slightly. "That was a test of your ability to think on your feet, James," Gloria informed him. "I understand from Minerva you are thinking of becoming an Auror; this type of exercise is therefore particularly useful to you. As an Auror you'd have to adjust to new situations, and react quickly and effectively on a daily basis."

"Oh…err, right," he replied lamely, wishing he had something more intelligent to say.

"Now, let's move onto some more tricky spells. These momentum tests will be purely practical, just a measure of how much you've learned."

"Okay…"

She conjured up a pocket watch, and requested that he charm it into singing to her the time. He improvised slightly but managed it in the end. Much of the rest of the test passed the same way, James was shocked to find he did not need to resort to operation seduction; he had obviously taken in more over the past two years than he thought. He wondered if Sirius was having the same sort of luck. He assumed Lily would not need luck. At the end of it, when he was satisfied he might at least have scraped an E, he spun around to ask her;

"Um, are there lots of those…thinking-on-your-feet tests in NEWTs?"

She nodded brightly. "Yes, I expect so. Particularly in Defence against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration. The aptitude tests are designed to prepare you for what's coming next; after Hogwarts that is."

"Ah…right. No one ever really told us that."

"Well, that would sort of defeat the purpose wouldn't it?" she smiled. "Now, I have to see the next candidate so if you'll excuse me. Lovely to meet you. Oh, and, I think you'll make an excellent auror. Only you and two other students I've seen today have managed the aptitude test."

He left the hall feeling rather elated to say the least, if a little confused as to how setting fire to a desk and putting it out would ever help him with a job catching dark wizards. _Mind games…_he thought to himself.

Catching up with each other later, the group exchanged stories about what strange things they'd been asked to do at the start of the exam. Lily and James were amused to find that they had both thought of the other when they had been wondering what to do; James remembering Lily's notes on medieval wizards and Lily remembering his patronus message in Hogsmeade. It turned out that Sirius had been silenced before all number of spells which were thrown at him so that he had to perform a wordless shield charm to protect himself, all in the space of around ten seconds. Emma had been asked to write an answer to her question in the air in flames with the _flagrate_ charm, and so on and so forth so that in the end James felt he had gotten off easy. It became quite clear to them all that Lily's test had been grossly unfair, being about ten times more difficult than the rest. But then they all assumed that was because Lily was basically known for being a charms prodigy. They all received rather a shock when in their Defence against the Dark Arts practical they had to literally duel with the examiner, and when in Herbology they had to take on a devil's snare. The theoretical papers however were much less difficult; the group of friends had encountered so much in the last year that they almost seemed trivial. James was sure that every member of his defence group would get Exceeds Expectations or above for their defence against the dark arts paper. Generally speaking the exam period passed not as unpleasantly as Lily had predicted and all finished feeling fairly confident they'd achieved half decent results. Even Sirius.

When James trudged out of the exam room for the last time, after his theoretical transfiguration paper, Lily sprinted up to him and jumped up to give him a kiss. He lifted her up and whirled her around in a circle enthusiastically.

"We're done!" she said happily.

"Mmmm no more exams," he said rubbing his nose against hers gently. "Fancy a little bit of me and you time? Room of requirement?"

She smiled at him, "Yeah--"

"Hey love birds!" Sirius called from behind. "Party in the common room; starts in half an hour!" and with that he took off to the Kitchens for supplies, Emma, Liz and Remus hot on his heels. James wondered fleetingly where Peter was before lowering Lily to the ground;

"What d'you reckon?"

She considered it for a moment. "Yeah, let's go to the party. I bet it'll even top the last one, not that I remember much of it. But from what I've heard it was a rave."

"Oh it was brilliant. Especially when you said I was 'devastatingly sexy', with the most 'bloody gorgeous eyes you've ever seen'."

She blushed and replied; "Yes, well, I've had a crush on you since I was…well, I suppose always."

"You had a crush on me always?!" he asked incredulously.

"I didn't realise! And when I finally did realise I wasn't happy about it!" she smirked.

"I love how you can be so upfront with me. Makes me feel special," he joked, sliding an arm around her waist and leading the way up to the common room. Lily felt as though a mighty weight had been lifted off her shoulders; exams were over. And she felt sure that she would not have to encounter her boggart and she had done well. Now all that was left was Voldemort and the war. _Just that small problem_, she thought with a sigh.

"Try and put it out of your mind for now," James said to her softly.

"How do you even know what I was thinking about?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Just do," he shrugged.

"Go on then…"

"You were thinking about how glad you are that you've done brilliantly in your exams, and how relaxed you feel now they're over, and yet how you still have other things to worry about, namely Voldemort and his stupid war." James stated.

"Not _brilliantly," _She said modestly. "Okay that is what I was thinking. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm a bit too predictable."

"Trust me, you're not predictable. I learnt that when I was attempting to make you go out with me," he assured her.

She chuckled softly. "Well, you got me in the end."

"Your decision, though."

"Mmm, best decision of my life."

The two of them arrived for the post-newts party rather late, owing to an unexpected snogging session in the corridors when James found he simply couldn't resist her after her cute little confession. So when they meandered into the common room, slightly dazed and grinning sheepishly it took them a moment to get into the party spirit. But they soon did; Sirius had somehow managed to acquire a band, granted not a brilliant one, but still there was live music. And the room had been expanded with expertise, James assumed it would have been Remus, and so it was housing people from Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and even a few Slytherins too. A temporary dance floor had been installed, and there were even a few decorations. Lily and James took to the dance floor, joining everyone else, and when a slow song came on James took Lily's hand and waist, and she rested a head on his shoulder; and they swayed to the music, perfectly in tune with each other.

"Your hand's all sweaty," she murmured to him.

He withdrew it and wiped it on his robes, smiling apologetically, and saying;

"I think you still make me nervous."

She smiled at him. "Why?"

"I think that is just the effect you have on me."

It sounded so sweet Lily thought she would die. "I love you too much."

"Well, flower, you could never love me too much. Maybe too little, because then I would love you more than you love me, which I'm sure I do anyway but still I think that--"

She interrupted him with a kiss, and whispered;

"Less talk, more dance."

He pulled her closer, if that was possible, and in that dance it felt like there was no one else in the world. That is, no one else in the world until Sirius prodded James hard in the back and he jerked out of his Lily world to face him.

"What?" he asked moodily.

"Prank," Sirius said simply, and slightly slurred.

"Sirius, are you drunk already?" Lily asked sceptically, peering over James' shoulder to scrutinise him.

"Course," he shrugged. "Anyway, are we still doing it or what?"

Lily and James moved apart slightly, though still holding hands, and smirked maliciously. She nodded,

"Round up the troops. Let's go."

**A/N review please :)**


	28. A Night to Remember

**A/N this fic is drawing to a close I'm afraid! But there's the new companion piece, and sequel up soon! Review:)

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"Okay, everyone knows what they're doing?" Sirius asked them all.

Everyone murmured in agreement.

"Evans?" he turned to her.

"McGonagall."

"Absolutely. Potter?"

"Peeves."

"Exactly. Stevens?"

"Garotting gas."

"Excellent. Burton?"

"Stink pellets."

"And finally Lupin?"

"Dungbombs."

"Okay, let's go!" Sirius commanded. Lily thought he was taking it all very seriously, but then breaking the rules was very close to his heart. James gave her a final wink before heading off down the corridor, and everyone else began to move off. Lily's job was first; fetch McGonagall. She had been picked owing to the fact that no one in their right mind would ever believe Lily Evans would be doing anything wrong. She was a saint.

"Professor!" she cried, running up to McGonagall at the staff table. Everyone who had not been inviting to the Gryffindor party was still eating dinner; the teachers were all in the hall which presented the group with a perfect opportunity. Once they finished, the group would come by through a secret passageway back down to the hall and slip out unnoticed with the rest of the students. Lily thought generally it was very well thought out. "Professor!" Lily repeated, sounding realistically distressed.

"Is everything alright Miss Evans?" she asked concernedly.

"I think someone's planning a huge prank!" she wailed.

"A prank?"

"Yeah! On the fifth floor, it looks like someone's letting off garrotting gas!"

"Garrotting gas?! That could be dangerous! Whose idea of a joke is this?"

"They're letting off dungbombs too Professor! And I heard someone mention stink pellets!" Lily lied with expertise.

Professor McGonagall exhaled exasperatedly; when would she get a moments peace? Dumbledore however looked reasonably amused by Lily's news. Lily had a sneaking suspicion he saw through her well rehearsed act; but no matter, he did not seem to be making an attempt to stop her.

"We have to hurry!" Lily pressed McGonagall.

"Alright, Miss Evans," McGonagall replied wearily. "Lead the way!"

"Professor Dumbledore?" Lily asked, slightly worriedly.

"Yes, Lily?" he quirked an eyebrow.

"I think you should keep the students in here for now, it might not be safe," she said, looking at his velvet ruby coloured hat embroidered with silver and gold rather than into his eyes.

He maintained a straight face just barely and replied; "Certainly, Miss Evans."

Lily nodded to him and then led Professor McGonagall out and up to the third floor where, if James had been successful, Peeves should be smashing up the trophy cabinet. She walked slowly up to the trophy room and listened for signs of chaos inside. When she heard the unmistakable sound of breaking glass she turned to McGonagall abruptly and said;

"Professor, I think I just heard someone inside the trophy room!"

McGonagall bustled past her and pushed open the door behind. Her eyes met a scene where Peeves was cackling merrily whilst hurtling objects into the cabinets, breaking the glass, and then strewing the contents about the room.

"Peeves!" McGonagall screeched. "Stop that this instant! I'll go and get the baron!"

While McGonagall moved around the room, fixing things with her wand and trying to reason with Peeves, James sprung out grinning from behind Lily and gave her a kiss.

"Okay so that worked! Shall we both take her to Remus then? When she's done? I think this is all buying Sirius enough time…" he whispered to her.

"This is going to be so good--" Lily was saying just as McGonagall came out of the trophy room, looking rather flustered.

"What happened Professor?" James asked, sounding convincingly confused.

"Peeves," McGonagall answered shortly. "I got rid of him in the end." She dusted down her robes.

"James just told me that someone's letting off dungbombs on the fourth floor," Lily lied again. James gave her a look of approval when McGonagall wasn't looking.

"Oh, very well, come on then," McGonagall said, turning on her heel to head up to the next floor.

Lily and James looked at one another in satisfaction before linking hands and following in McGonagall's wake.

When they arrived upstairs, Remus and Peter were busy chucking dungbombs into every broom cupboard, classroom and corridor; and as soon as they caught sight of Lily's hair they dove behind a tapestry and waited there with baited breath.

"It looks like every room is full of them, Professor," James stated the obvious, pinching his nose in disgust.

"I see that, Mr Potter," McGonagall replied agitatedly, covering her nose and mouth and scourgifying the nearest room. Instantly the air smelled slightly cleaner. Lily and James wondered whether McGonagall would deal with it quicker than they'd anticipated. Nevertheless they still had Emma and Lizzy as further backup. McGonagall moved fast from room to room and soon all trace of the smell of dungbombs had disappeared. Just then she turned to her head boy and girl to say;

"Well, that's cleared up now; never mind finding the culprit. Off you go to the common room you two!"

Unfortunately for her, before she had even finished, Remus fell out from the behind the tapestry and ran up to her, sounding completely out of breath.

"Professor!" he gasped. "I've just been told---someone's letting off stink pellets on the fifth floor!"

McGonagall was starting to get slightly frustrated now; "For Heaven's sake! Isn't this a job for filch--" she continued mumbling to herself as she ascended the staircase to the fourth floor. Remus joined James and Lily, flashing them a mischievous grin.

"Are we just leaving Pete there?" James muttered to Remus as they followed McGonagall once again.

"Ah, he'll just get in the way," Remus shrugged.

Lily and James nodded understandingly as they arrived at the end of the fifth floor corridor and saw Lizzy scuttling away; having distributed a rather hefty amount of stink pellets in every possible place. McGonagall went about clearing it up much the same as before, and just when she had finished, thinking about how lovely it would be to retire to bed with her tartan box of ginger biscuits, Emma burst through a pair of double doors at the end of the corridor, having done a loop, and gasped;

"Professor! I just heard about some garrotting gas on the sixth floor!"

James and Lily took this opportunity to slip away unnoticed to join Sirius and help him with the finishing touches. Remus, Lizzy and Emma led McGonagall upstairs to the non-existent garrotting gas.

"Just…here," Emma said, indicating down a corridor which seemed completely normal.

"Miss Stevens I don't see anything wrong," McGonagall frowned.

"That's because it's colourless," Remus put in.

"I shall just section off the corridor and deal with it tomorrow," McGonagall announced.

"Oh but by then the gas might've diffused and could be a danger to the pupils," Lizzy said, sucking on her lower lip.

"Very well, then, fetch Professor Hutchinson will you?"

Once McGonagall had dealt with Peeves, the dungbombs, the stink pellets and the garrotting gas which she later found out had never been there in the first place, Remus hurried up to the seventh floor to alert Sirius, James and Lily that they could not stall everyone any longer. Fortunately they were finished, and so James sent the suits of armour clanging into one another like a set of dominos, so that the bangs reverberated around the castle. Downstairs McGonagall looked up when she heard the noise, and furiously marched up the staircase to locate the source of the noise. What on earth was going on that night? Other students had heard it too and some arrived on the seventh floor to find out the source of the commotion. Lily and James and Sirius dove into the secret passageway and stood hidden, waiting to hear the reactions to their handiwork. They only hoped McGonagall and the other teachers did not explode.

Professors Hutchinson, McGonagall, Waterston and Montgomery stood gaping at what they saw. They would have praised it as a most wonderful piece of wizardry had it not been entirely inappropriate. Behind them was a crowd of students, and at that moment Professor Dumbledore appeared, looking mildly surprised, and said;

"Good grief. The seventh floor has become a giant chess board."

McGonagall advanced slightly, still gawking open mouthed and tried to walk past the giant chess men at the front. Immediately they brought out swords and blocked the way.

Inside their tapestry, Lily, James and Remus were struggling not to laugh and give away their position.

"What in heaven's name is going on?!" came McGonagall's shrill voice.

"I believe we must play our way across to get to the other side," Dumbledore replied calmly.

"Play our way…" McGonagall repeated in disbelief. In the space of around ten seconds she put two and two together and shrieked. "POTTER! BLACK!"

"Time to go," James whispered urgently to Lily, and they all legged it along the narrow passageway, and down to a side door into the great hall.

"This is an exceptional piece of transfiguration, Minerva," Dumbledore said to her, eyeing the giant chessmen up and down admiringly. "I think James could give you a run for his money!"

"Is this his idea of a joke?! The students will have to play chess every time they want to get to their classes! This is unacceptable!"

"Indeed it does pose rather a problem. Of course I suspect they will have placed anti-jinxes on every one of them; rendering them extremely difficult to move. Well, I suggest we leave it until tomorrow to clear up. I almost feel it is too skilled to touch for the moment."

McGonagall just spluttered at him in frustration, eventually coming out with;

"They all distracted me while Black, Potter and…_Evans _set it up! And now they've disappeared! I shall have to find them and deal with house points!"

"Absolutely. I suggest ten points for Miss Burton and Miss Stevens, Miss Evans, Mr Potter, Mr Black and Mr Lupin shall each receive twenty."

"I hardly think twenty is enough--" McGonagall began, before saying; "RECEIVE?!"

"Well, it is all rather genius. They deserve rewarding," Dumbledore raised is eyebrows in amusement.

Little did they know that a trick very similar to this would be used to protect a highly valuable philosopher's stone, not fifteen years later.

Once in the hall, the friends all burst into laughter. McGonagall could be heard screeching from floors above; it was almost worth the punishment they were bound to end up with. Lily never realised breaking the rules would be so much fun.

"Hey, hey, hang on!" Sirius said, rushing over with a very sizable box and breaking it open to release around fifty Cornish pixies. They flew off in the direction of upstairs; undoubtedly to wreak further havoc. "Finishing touch," Sirius explained.

"Nice," James nodded. He then turned to his Lily; "Hey, Lils, I want to show you something, will you come with me? I think it's best we vacate the building anyway," he grinned.

"But I thought Dumbledore banned us from leaving school grounds unattended? And it's like…eleven o' clock!"

"Well, we can take my cloak. Come on, we'll be okay," he persisted.

"Well, okay then…" Lily caved. They'd already broken about a hundred rules why not break a couple more?

"Be right back, I'll just grab my cloak," he said, clasping her hands. She watched him go, a smile spreading itself across her face. She tilted her head slightly to study his backside, just when Emma interrupted her musings--

"Lils! We did it!" she drew her into a hug excitedly.

"Err yeah!" Lily replied, eyebrows raised. "Shouldn't we move? I'm sure McGonagall's probably already on her way."

"Yeah, I think we should go and hide in the boy's dorms. Everyone coming?" Emma turned to them all. There was a general consent, except from Lily who was waiting for James and his big surprise. She ambled to the front doors of the castle and stood crossing her arms and looking out on the grounds. It made her feel sad to think she would be leaving it forever in a couple of week's time. It had been her home, her life, her sanctuary from the outside world. The place she'd met the love of her life. The place she'd made the best friends anyone could wish for. The place she'd become who she was. And now it was all over. At that moment she felt warm, familiar arms snake around her waist and hold her, a beautiful peachy smell wafting in her direction.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Come on, Miss Evans," James whispered into her ear, before planting a kiss on her cheek.

"Where are we going?" she asked suspiciously, as he threw his cloak over them both.

"Hogsmeade of course," James replied.

"Why?"

"Surprise," his eyes sparkled in the moonlight.

She decided not to persevere, there was no way he'd ruin it by telling he. Their bodies were pressed close together as they hunched over to the Willow, and Lily was no longer afraid of how it made her feel.

"_Immobulus!" _she whispered, much as she had last time she'd been here.

"Lily, there's a little knot on the bottom of the tree you can press," James told her, pointing to it.

"Oh," she replied. "Oops."

"Your way's better. It's hard to get to it unless you're a rat animagus. But that's why Peter's so useful for this stuff."

"Well, at least he does have his uses," Lily sniggered, as they fell through the entrance in a heap. When she stood up and freed herself from the cloak she felt a guilty twinge. "I shouldn't have said that," she muttered to herself more than anyone else.

James' eyes locked with hers for a second, and he gave a tiny nod. They were all guilty of neglecting Peter at times. He tilted his head down the tunnel to suggest they get going. She paused for a moment before following in his footsteps. Her guilt at Peter had reminded her of another guilt she felt; should she reveal Snape to the Order or not? It was her duty…but she couldn't help but let her personal feelings get in the way. She shook her head and pushed the nasty thoughts away, concentrating on James.

When they arrived at the shack he pulled her out of the trapdoor and they fell backwards slightly, and James pinned her up against the wall, playing with her fingers and kissing from her neck up. She whimpered in delight and lifted his chin to kiss his lips. It all just felt so wonderful and for a moment James forgot what he had brought her for. Definitely not for making out in the shrieking shack.

"Come on," he said quietly into her mouth, reluctantly pulling away and dragging her with him. He led her out of the house and up the hill next to it. Conveniently there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and they looked up to see the inky blue dotted with hundreds of stars. He smiled up at them, and began spinning in circles.

"James, what are you doing?" Lily laughed.

"Try it!" he said happily, taking her hand and spinning her around. She giggled, looking up as she spun. It made her feel so small. Eventually when she became dizzy she practically collapsed into his arms, revelling in their sturdy hold.

"So what are we doing here, James? Other than star dancing?" she smiled.

"Well, I believe I owe you an engagement ring, Miss Evans," the corners of his eyes creased as he grinned down at her.

"What?" she said quietly, wrapping her arms around his neck and turning to face him.

He pulled out a little velvet box, buried deep in his robes pocket. She pulled her arms back down to her sides; her eyes flitted between his eyes, his lips and this box, waiting in anticipation. His beam never faltered as he looked into her excited eyes, and opened the box to reveal a ring which made Lily gasp.

"Oh—wow, James, it's beautiful!"

It had a diamond encrusted in an emerald stone, set onto a silver ring.

"Appropriate colour too," she added.

"Here," he said softly, taking her hand and slowly sliding the ring onto her finger. It fit perfectly, and James was touched to see Lily's eyes had filled with happy tears, it made his heart ricochet inside of him. He kissed her forehead and her arms wrapped around him and his around her. They knew they'd never feel the way they felt in that moment with anyone else; this was it. This was the feeling. Hearing the gentle thud of the other's heart, hearing and feeling the tickle of their soft breath, looking into one another's eyes and seeing right into their souls. They had so much ahead of them, so much to share, so much to see and be, so much to enjoy and have. Neither of them noticed that they levitated off the ground; they could not see anything but each other. Nor did they notice the sparks encircling them, and neither did they need to. The magic didn't need to tell them they were forever, they did that themselves.

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A/N Actually, I think this is the last chapter. That's it folks! Unless I change my mind...review! **


	29. Loose Ends

**A/N: Hi everyone! I'm back haha! I'm now doing 2 more chapters, and then that will probably be absolutely it – I realise I've said it about 100 times now, but honestly this time. A nice rounded 30 chapters and it's onto the sequel, because all my other ideas go into that. SO – review review review. **

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James and Sirius were perched at the bottom of the girl's staircase, contemplating its mysteries. They had thus worked out that one stair in particular, or perhaps several, had been jinxed much like other trick stairs in the castle. The question was finding out which one, or which ones, and carefully avoiding it. Emma and Lily had snubbed them both, informing them they needed some 'girl time'; and James and Sirius were determined to listen in. The idea of finding out what they talked about when the Marauders were not around was…_intriguing_ to say the least.

"It's our last week here, Prongs. We have to work this one out," Sirius said seriously.

"Lily told me it's a trick stair. Not stairs plural. I reckon it's somewhere near the middle, because that's roughly where Remus fell down when he tried to carry Lizzy up," James replied thoughtfully.

"Perhaps if we poke different stairs with a long stick until we get the right one?" Sirius suggested.

James actually laughed.

"Padfoot, it is clearly designed to know whether or not the thing treading on it is male. And considering a stick is…well, unisex…well, basically, I assume the jinx doesn't activate for sticks."

"Good point."

At that point two sixth year girls appeared at the top of the staircase, and on looking down to see the infamous James Potter and Sirius black sitting cross legged on the carpet before them, burst into giggles.

"Are you _still_ trying to figure it out?" said a girl with dark hair and rather pretty brown eyes, descending the stairs towards them.

"What does it look like?" James snapped. Then, plastering on a simpering smile, he added; "Do you happen to know which stair is the trick stair?"

The girl's companion appeared at her side, rolling her eyes in exasperation. "Even if we did know, which we don't as the jinx only works on boys, why would we tell you?"

"Because I'm roguishly handsome and charming?" he suggested.

"All the more reason not to," she replied with a grin, and with that the two girls left towards the portrait hole, still sounding rather amused.

"I know," Sirius said, getting to his feet. On a sudden whim, he ran full pelt at the stairs, and for reasons unknown it did not turn into a slide until the very last step; where he had just gotten extremely excited at having managed to make it.

"Prongs! I did it--"

But the rest of his sentence was drowned out as he rolled back down beside his partner in a heap.

"But that was the top stair! That wasn't in the middle…" he grumbled.

"Interesting," James nodded. "Let me try."

When James repeated the experiment, he found that the staircase became a slide on his third step. When he fell down beside him, Sirius shot James a questioning glance.

"Has a mind of its own, mate. It seems to have decided on different stairs for each person."

"Or maybe it is a different stair every time? Just so no one can figure it out?"

"Seems like Hogwarts is ready for people like us," Sirius commented offhand.

"Okay…new plan…"

---

"Show me the ring again!" Emma asked excitedly. When Lily splayed her hand out, Emma said for the thousandth time; "It's so beautiful…"

Lily smiled at it, feeling a rippled of pleasure through her stomach. It was like a fairytale…she couldn't believe she'd been so stubborn as to deny this for so long. She didn't think it was possible to contain so much felicity; even with the now daily attacks and the more demanding tasks from the order meetings…the looming worry about her future and the question of Snape still hanging half heartedly over her head.

"Em…" she said uncertainly, retracting her hand and twirling the ring in circles on her finger; something she was very much getting in the habit of.

"Mmm?"

Lily shook her head slightly, "nothing…never mind."

"Sure?" Emma asked her.

Lily simply nodded, and turned another page of her bridal magazine which Lizzy had bought her the day after the 'proper engagement'. At first it had seemed ridiculous and superficial to Lily, but now this potion which gave you the ideal figure for one day…'Slimeazy', did not seem such a bad idea. Nor did the one hundred tier wedding cake…or did the incredible decorations, including real live fairies, seem like such a bad idea. Ironically it seemed that being a witch would really make her day magical. Lily laughed at such a cheesy thought.

She suddenly closed the magazine and cast it to the floor, as she usually did when she thought about the engagement for too long. She loved James, of course she did, but she couldn't fight off the nagging feeling that it was all a little too rushed. She was overjoyed, perhaps happier than she could remember being before…but what if he lost interest? What if after all they'd been through, he realised it wasn't what he wanted and left her with nothing?

"What's up Lils?" Emma asked, observing the magazine's being cast aside with apprehension.

Lily sighed through her nose and lay down on her front, placing a chin on her folded arms. Emma flicked a page of her Quidditch book; she'd made a bet with Sirius that she'd be able to understand the rules by the end of the day.

"I don't know," Lily mumbled into her covers.

"Go on…" Emma coaxed. "We know you'll tell me in the end anyway."

"We're growing up, aren't we?" Lily asked rhetorically.

"Leaving Hogwarts," Emma nodded. "You'll be shacking up with James…making yourselves a little love nest…getting married…whereas me and Sirius will probably barely correspond. He'll forget me…" Lily heard hurt in Emma's voice which she was usually very cautious to cover up. She was obviously dying to talk about this; much to Lily's annoyance as she wanted very much to talk about her problems too.

"He won't forget you Em, don't be silly. He loves you."

"He's never told me that," she said pointedly.

"He doesn't have to," Lily shook her head.

"But we've never even discussed the future like you two have. You're so lucky. Everything's perfect for you…"

"Look, I have doubts too okay?" said Lily, her tone now tinged with irritancy. "Just because I'm wearing a ring doesn't mean me and James are perfect."

"Oh, really?" Emma said, looking up and making no attempts to hide the scepticism in her voice.

"Yes, really!" Lily replied adamantly. "Who's to say he won't…who's to say he won't get bored of me?"

"Oh for Merlin's sake Lily, sing me a new one sometime. It's pretty obvious he's not going to get bored of you. I listened to all this before you started going out; but I think everyone can see that he's completely mad about you."

"Well why would he propose to me so soon?" Lily asked her. "It's just so…so rushed. What if he's just caught up in the heat of the moment? What if he just thinks…what if he just leaves when he realises what he's done…"

It was just in this short pause that Sirius and James tuned into the conversation; having finally worked their marauder magic and succeeded in mounting the stairway. They exchanged excitable looks as they pressed an ear to the door and waited to be enlightened.

"You guys are made for each other, and you know it. Me and Sirius…we're just…we're just a fling," they heard Emma say.

"It's not a fling and _you _know it. And okay…me and James, well, I'm like lottery lucky."

"Understatement."

Lily laughed a little and replied; "Have you seen his arms? Those are…good, good arms to have. Don't ever tell him I told you that."

"Hmmm…I like Sirius' hands," said Emma thoughtfully.

"Hands?" Lily repeated with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah! They're all…_manly_ and nice."

Lily carefully sidestepped that little comment so as to avoid letting slip a giggle. "I wonder what they boys like about us."

"I'll hazard a guess at--"

"--Lips, hair and boobs?" Lily finished.

Outside James looked over at Sirius, who was desperately trying to stifle a laugh at Emma's hands comment, and mouthed to him; '_Are we really that shallow?'_

Sirius mouthed back; '_Yes.'_

'_Well, that's true,' _James shrugged before putting his ear to keyhole.

"So…are you and Sirius' going to still see each other when we graduate?"

"I dunno," Emma mumbled back miserably. "I really _want _us to…as we're both training for Aurors we'll be seeing each other all the time…and then if we moved in--"

Sirius took a hasty step back from the door. Living together? That sounded like a rather large commitment…

"Well, it's pretty clear he's mad about you…do you love him?" Lily's voice carried through to the hallway despite how Sirius was no longer struggling to hear. James looked up at Sirius with an expression of intrigue, a look which clearly meant; I-didn't-know-you-two-were-serious. Sirius shrugged in reply as they both heard Emma's reply. She even _sounded _embarrassed.

"_Love? _Well…I guess so."

And with that Sirius was legging it down the hall and down the stairs. Lily and Emma looked up at the noise, and wandered over to see what was happening. On opening the door they saw James crouched alone down beside where the keyhole had been.

"James!" Lily said, surprised. "How did you get up here?" she demanded.

He looked up, his expression shellshocked, and got to his feet slowly.

"Oh…a marauder never reveals his secrets. Although I'm sure it had something to do with my strong _arms," _he winked at her.

She was spared having to answer him by Emma's hasty interruption;

"Did Sirius hear me? Was Sirius here?!"

"Ran off. He'll be down at the pitch," James gestured down the stairs behind him.

"Did he hear--"

"--you say you love him? Yeah."

"Oh no…" Emma rubbed her throbbing temples. "Lily!"

"Mmm?" she replied distractedly. Emma was highly irritated by her lack of panic on her behalf.

"Sirius is probably going crazy about now! He heard me talking about the future! Future and Sirius do not mesh!"

"He also heard you say you liked his manly hands," James put in unhelpfully.

Emma closed her eyes wearily. "Well if he wasn't going to ditch me before…"

"Go and talk to him. If he won't see reason try this-" Lily squeezed her breasts together with her arms and, plastering on a simpering smile, said; "I'm _so _sorry…"

"I'm not sure that'll cut it," Emma said dryly, but giggling nevertheless.

"Okay, if I may…" James interrupted, tearing his gaze away from Lily's chest. "Sirius is my best friend. So, what I would recommend is; leave him for approximately twenty minutes, at which point he will come back looking for an argument as a way of releasing the tension. At this point, supply him with vast amounts of chocolate and do not let him speak until he's calmer. Only _then, _will you be able to speak to him properly. Now, regardless of whether or not he tells you he loves you, I am sure that he does."

Lily was beaming at him, and he added; "Can we talk a minute?"

"Sure," she gave Emma a meaningful glance, and she nodded glumly to give them some privacy.

James stepped in and shut the door behind him.

"Lips, hair and boobs?" he looked up at her.

"It was just a joke," she rolled her eyes.

"Hope so," he replied grudgingly. "You're not having doubts are you?"

She coloured slightly and turned away to perch on the edge of her bed. James interpreted her silence correctly.

"Oh dear. Right, let's talk," he sighed, sitting down beside her.

**A/N Just thought I'd have a bit of fun; I bet you're wondering what happened to Liz and Remus. Next chapter my friends, next chapter. It's all going to wrap up…keep reading!**


	30. United

**A/N:**** Hi everyone! I'm SO sorry I took so long to do this last chapter. I've had my GCSEs, and generally have been very busy! Now I've got the long painful wait until results day on August 21****st****…but anyway – I've now had time to finish off! I hope you all like it – and the sequel's coming soon. (I know I always say that but honestly this time). This isn't a kind of definite ending; it's a set up for the sequel but also rounds off their time at school. It has a lot of the character's thoughts in it…is also rather dramatic. I hope it's not disappointing because I know some of you have been looking forward to it – please, please review, since its your last chance!**

**Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, supported me and helped me out. It's all so much appreciated. **

--

Rushing down the staircase from her dormitory…through the common room…past the fireplace and over to the portrait hole…it would be okay, she could fix this…

"Emma!" said a surprised voice through the din of her blind panic. She shook herself out of her daze to find she had collided head first with Remus as he'd been coming through the portrait hole from outside.

"Remus! Have you seen Sirius?" she asked urgently, as he asked simultaneously, "have you seen Liz?"

"No, sorry," they replied in unison, before continuing past each other wordlessly to continue their separate pursuits. Remus scanned the common room for her hopelessly, knowing it was useless having checked it four times already that evening. _Where was she? _Perhaps she was avoiding him? Knowing they were about to leave Hogwarts…maybe she didn't know how to break up with him and was trying to put it off…the thought of it made his insides bubble up with repressed dread. He perched on a nearby armchair and rubbed his throbbing temples, trying to think of anywhere in the castle he hadn't yet looked for her…but, even if he did manage to find her; what would he say? The lively chatter and laughter of his housemates around him rivalling his own confusion and isolation was almost unbearable, almost like a foreshadowing of how he would live his life from now on…where would he transform after he left Hogwarts? Would he have to live in total seclusion, away from any sort of civilization, away from anyone he might harm? Would he be able to apparate to some remote part of the earth with the Marauders each full moon? Would they still put up with him, with their lives and their futures settling in around them, would they still have time for him…? And would anyone ever employ him? There was such severe prejudice against people like him…how would he ever find work? These were the thoughts which had been circling his mind for days on end, haunting him when awake and asleep, and now he could no longer contain it…he vented his frustration by getting to his feet and kicking a nearby table, upending it and causing everything on its surface to shatter across the floor.

"Am I interrupting something?" came a voice caught between amusement and concern.

He spun on his heels, his face contorted with rage; "Where the hell have _you_ been?" he spat out.

"Around," Lizzy replied calmly. She waved a wand over the mess he had created, and he watched with eyes glazed over as everything rearranged itself; good as new. She then laid a heap of library books and several parchments covered with notes over the table, and sat down before them.

"Around?" he echoed angrily. "Where?" He just about managed to refrain from adding that he had been looking all day, and that he would very much like for her to explain herself properly, rather than regard him with that bemused expression…as if she had _any_ idea what he was going through—

"I've been in the library, talking to Dumbledore and Slughorn, spoke to McGonagall…went down to the greenhouses to check out some ingredients, sent a letter to the Ministry…anyway, I'm just about done!" she replied happily.

"What are you talking about?" he snapped.

"Sit down, Remus," she smiled.

Reluctantly, he obeyed, retaking the seat he had just vacated. "What's going on?" he asked heavily.

"I've been looking into ways to help you…you know, with your condition…" she said slowly. Remus' brow furrowed. "I've had a talk with Slughorn, and he mentioned a potion which was made a few years ago for the first time, but isn't commonly used because it has – er -slightly dangerous side effects. The potion was made for werewolves so that on the full moon, the drinker, rather than becoming a dangerous…er…"

"—it's okay, you can say monster," he said quickly.

"A dangerous creature," she continued, "they'd simply transform into a harmless wolf, and curl up to go to sleep for the night. Everyone's safe. It also minimises the—the pain, you have to go through when you change, and means you don't have to worry about being any sort of a threat. In fact, with this you could lead a relatively normal life…"

Stunned silence.

"But--what are the side effects?" Remus finally said into the quiet.

"It doesn't matter," she brushed off. "I've been to see Waterston down in Herbology, and she knows some antidotes for the problems – she's been working on it over the last few weeks and today we managed to mix certain ingredients together to develop what I _hope _is an effective potion! Then I went to see McGonagall and Dumbledore, and they thought it was brilliant—but of course it has to pass as Ministry approved, we have to apply for a license, it'll have to pass as a licensed medicine, and it could take several months with trials—but, this could really change our lives, Remus!" she beamed.

He simply sat and gaped at her. He registered about two things; one, she had found something which would mean he would never hurt anyone again, and two, she had said 'our' lives…their lives together…"This is—but--so, we're not breaking up?"

She cocked an eyebrow and shook her head with a small smile. "No, we're not breaking up, Remus. I'm never leaving you."

"And you did all this for me?" he said softly. "You're—you're amazing…"

"Come here," she said gently. "You big idiot, 'breaking up'…_honestly…"_

And he crossed over to her, and he wrapped his arms around her and her around him, and they gently rocked, back and forth, and side to side…

--

"Sirius! Sirius!" he heard his name called time and time again, carried through the wind, and time and time again he ignored it. He sat on the edge of the pitch, beneath the towering gold hoops, remaining inert as the darkness thickened around him. And now it was quietly raining; small droplets landing on the end of his nose and rolling off…drop by drop…and yet he still didn't move. His mind was too much elsewhere to take any notice of how cold he was. When had everything become so confusing? He had come to a point of fearing for his own life, and for the lives of those around him; not knowing whether he would live much further even than past his eighteenth birthday. Not knowing what he was going to do when Hogwarts was over…and not knowing where to go now that the fort they'd all been protected by for seven years was slipping away for good. He didn't have any direction…any sort of ambition…and for all he knew his own family were out there somewhere wearing masks and kissing the ground Voldemort walked on. He was completely alone. He had no one to support him, no one to believe in him, no one to _protect_ him…and no one to fall back on. But then he saw her; her hair drenched and her clothes sopping. She appeared at the other end of the pitch and began running to him. And Sirius realised that he wasn't alone. Not really. He had Emma, and James…and Remus, Peter, Lily and Lizzy…all they had was each other now. _They _were his family.

"There you are," Emma said breathlessly, "I'm so sorry, so sorry if I scared you--"

"No," he said firmly, finally shifting to his feet and wiping his soaking hair from his face. "I need you," he said quietly. Such a simple thing; but he'd never said it before. He'd often needed James…he had needed him when he thought his family would drive him insane, or when he'd had the overwhelming feeling that his whole world was a paradox. His defying all that he had been brought up to believe. He'd needed him when he turned up on his doorstep that day when he was just sixteen years old. But he had never needed him like he needed Emma. She was something else entirely. How could he have been so blind? He _had_ someone who believed in him, someone who would protect him just as he would protect her; someone to fall back on. Her eyes softened and she gave the tiniest of nods; all that she needed to do to show him she understood, and that she was relieved. He could see that she was relieved beyond belief.

"Me too," she said shakily. "I need you."

They stood mesmerised by one another for several moments, standing silently in the pouring rain, thunder rumbling from above. And then she stretched out her hand, and he took it, pulling her into him. He wrapped strong arms around her back, and rested his chin on her head buried into his chest. And then he whispered in her ear. He whispered three words he'd never said before; three words no one had ever said to him.

"_I love you."_

--

They sat in complete silence, side by side on her unmade bed, watching the lightning scarred sky crash with thunder outside. Lily's mind was racing. Everything in her life was complicated, everything beyond her control. She had never believed in fate; the idea of someone or something else having control over her life scared her more than anything. Her family were muggles; there had been a wall between them ever since she had turned eleven and opened that letter. She'd tried her best but they couldn't, and wouldn't ever, understand what was really happening. She had been chosen by something. Something, perhaps fate, had picked her, something was channelling magical power through her veins…and that something had driven a wedge between her parents, her sister, and herself. But, that something was the very thing which had meant she'd met James. Without that mysterious power, her life could've taken a complete three hundred and sixty degree turn. She briefly tried to imagine going to a normal muggle high school, dating a normal muggle boy, going to university…getting a job, paying her taxes…living a life completely ignorant of the dangers of the world she was a part of now. And knowing that she could've had that…would she ever want to change how things had happened? Never. From her very first day she'd always thought coming to Hogwarts was the most miraculous and wonderful thing that had ever happened to her. But she was wrong. Because James was the most wonderful and miraculous thing that had ever happened to her. Without him she was nothing. He saw in her something no one else could see. He only had to look her in the eye for her to really…_believe _in herself. He was steady as a rock; always there to count on…always there when he needed her. _Always there. _Since the first day they'd met; he'd committed himself to her one hundred percent. He never gave up, he never asked for anything more than her love. Could she possibly survive this war, survive _herself_, without him by her side? Never. They were two halves of a whole.

"What are you thinking?" James' voice cut through the silence, deep and soothing.

She turned to look at him, and reached out a hand to brush his hair from his eyes affectionately.

"About how you've always been here for me," she said quietly. "I've realised now…there's nothing to be scared of. You've already made the commitment to me...you made it ages ago...now I have to make it to you. You were right…we don't work when we're not together. I feel like you're almost…a part of me."

"Two halves of a whole," he nodded.

She would've started had it not been a regular occurrence for James to voice aloud her own thoughts. Somehow their minds were in perfect sync. He took her hand and began twirling the ring on her finger, speaking once again in gentle tones; "I think there's a reason we fell in love. Maybe it's fate. I just know we're supposed to be together. And I need you by my side in this…"

She nodded, clasping his hand with hers. "I'm with you. Getting married…its saying that we love each other so much we want to be together for our whole lives. And that's not scary," she said, perhaps talking to herself more than to him. "That's _wonderful_."

"So…no more doubts?" he asked her, cocking an eyebrow.

"Never," she shook her head.

"We'll look after each other," he told her. "We can beat anything."

"And we'll never be apart again," she said firmly.

"Together forever," he whispered, before his lips met hers in a soft and meaningful kiss.

--

On the last day of term, every student in the castle had been called to congregate in the hall earlier than expected. Prior to the usual end of term feast, Dumbledore wanted to say a few words. The seventh years expected him to give them a well wishing and a good luck for their futures away from school; perhaps a certificate or an award ceremony. Instead they received something quite different…a warning, and a piece of advice from the only one Voldemort ever feared. As he stood up before the staff table, his eyes flashing and his own raw power seemingly emanating from him in waves; Lily realised exactly why Voldemort was so afraid of him. When you took a proper look at Voldemort, you could see underneath the mask he was obliged to pull over his tormented soul, and right through to the tragedy of his former being. You could see that all he really was a lost and power hungry little boy. But Dumbledore…Dumbledore was deep, and meaningful; and no matter how hard she tried, she could never explain why she trusted him so much; or why anyone did for that matter. If there was anyone besides James she would ever put her utmost faith in it would be Dumbledore; if she ever would have to choose just one person to lead the world to peace, it would be Dumbledore. He had an inexplicable sense of trust and protection surrounding his very being; but also there was a great might to him – something which she knew could never be truly challenged. Professor Dumbledore, she decided, was someone not to be messed with.

"Students," his voice echoed through the Great Hall, just as his electric blue eyes scanned his audience, casting a subtle wink in Lily and James' direction. "So much as it pains me to say it; as you all know, the Wizarding World is at War. All of you in this room will face terrible choices, and undeniably terrible losses. But know this; it is our choices which define who we really are. Take a look at yourself, each of you, young as you are, and try to decipher who you want to be. Without a doubt, 'united we stand, and divided we fall'. It is an overused phrase, but one which holds an outstanding degree of truth. There is no possibility of even attempting to face an evil so great as Lord Voldemort, if we cannot stand together. We need to wipe the slate clean. Old feuds and old traditions must be abandoned. As one of you sitting in this very room once said; 'Live together, die alone.'" His eyes met James' for several moments in a look of mutual respect and admiration. "I can't pretend there won't be difficult times ahead, but I beg of you through everything you hold most dear…do not underestimate Voldemort…" Lily thought she could perceive something in his look then, something like guilt, something which showed he had been there before...lived through that nightmare and made that mistake. "He is more terrible than you can imagine; we haven't even begun to see the extent of his powers. Remember…live together, die alone. It is the choice I leave to you…"

**TO BE CONTINUED.**

**A/N: Quite short, and sorry for the drama…promise the first chapter of the sequel will be slightly more light hearted. By the way the whole Dumbledore's guilt thing and the mistake he'd already made was supposed to be reference to how he underestimated Grindelwald. I would've just written it but it really wouldn't have worked. Just in case that didn't make sense! I hope you all like how I left things – please please review! And thanks again everyone, I hope you liked the story :)**


	31. Sequel

**A/N: **Hi everyone! I don't know if any of the people who read this fic are still active on – I know I haven't been for ages! But in case anyone still is interested I got the random urge to get going on my sequel at last. I thought I'd publish this little extract – think of it as a blurb haha – and the new story will be up very soon, I'm just tweaking the first chapter a bit. The sequel will be the story of Lily and James' life after Hogwarts and during the war. I hope you all like it – love xx

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Chapter One

James Potter stood silently in the shadows of the house, disillusionment charm and invisibility cloak protecting him. Sirius was guarding the rear end, and Lily was backed against a side wall a few feet from him. Emma was standing out on the road in disguise, trying to look natural, waiting…

James ignored the feeling of unease in his stomach. This was not their first mission.

The inhabitants of the house had been evacuated to headquarters as soon as the Order had found out they were marked for death. They were the Cartwrights – Mr and Mrs Cartwright were muggles, and their two children muggleborn. Voldemort had been concentrating on this area of London for some time,_ purging_ it…

"James!" Lily suddenly hissed.

Fear shot through him. "What is it?"

"Did you remember to turn the oven off?"

If he was not so tense and the situation was not so serious, he would have laughed.

"Yes, the oven's off, the house is _not_ going to burn down – now will you concentrate? You're making me nervous!"

"Sorry – Dumbledore just sprung this one on us quite suddenly; I didn't have time to go through the list properly."

James smiled. Every time Lily left the house she had to consult her mental list. Lights off, oven off, defensive spells in place, invisibility charms on the house…The death eaters could never find where they lived; James Potter and Lily Evans were two of the most wanted members of the Order of the Phoenix.

….

**A/N: MORE COMING VERY VERY SOON xxx**


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